


Facing the Unknown

by Jacrispea



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cults, Cunnilingus, Drug Use, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Light Dom/sub, Oral Sex, Possessive Behavior, Project at Eden's Gate, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-10 04:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 49,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19899925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacrispea/pseuds/Jacrispea
Summary: You've recently lost your job and decided you needed some time alone to calm yourself. As you cross the border into Montana on a solo hiking trip, you get seriously injured and have no choice but to stay in Hope County as you heal up.Not being from the area, you have no idea who the Seeds are or what they've done. As far as you're concerned, they're all hospitable church going people. As time goes by, you learn the terrible truth but is it too late for you to turn your back on them?(This is an AU that doesn't involve the deputy or arrest)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who read my first fanfic (Red Wolf). The feedback I got gave me the drive to start a new one, so here you go!

"Jacob, come quickly! She's hurt," the man leaning over you called over his shoulder. He looked back at you with warm eyes through his yellow tinted glasses.

"I'm fine. I just need a minute.. really," you assured him as you tried to sit back up. Your breath caught in your throat as your arm gave out and you were overcome with excruciating pain. As hard as you tried to suppress it, a scream escaped your lips. 

"Please, my brother will tend to your arm. Lay back." 

Before he had even asked, you had already pushed yourself back to the ground, gritting your teeth in pain. You couldn't believe how stupid you were for going out hiking alone. This... this right here was one of the reasons why it was a bad idea. Thankfully this man had found you because if not, you weren't sure how you would have pulled yourself to safety. Not only was your arm pretty busted up but your ankle was killing you. Not to mention the cuts that covered your knees and one of your forearms. 

You opened your eyes when you heard another voice nearing you. When you looked up, you saw a tall red haired man in an army jacket. You wondered if this was the brother you were told to wait for. 

"What did you do to yourself?" he asked gruffly as he bent down and ran a hand over your arm. 

"I fell," you started to explain but stopped when you felt an unbelievable amount of pain in your shoulder. It was followed by a disgusting popping sound. "Jesus!!"

"I gathered that much," he said calmly. "Your shoulder was dislocated by the way."

You tried moving it but he warned you that it would still hurt for awhile. After he was convinced your other wounds would just need time to heal, he stood you up and called his brother back over (he had been talking with another man in a long jacket). As the man with the yellow glasses approached, he held out his arms before placing them on either of your shoulders. 

"Please excuse my manners, I was speaking with a friend. Thank you," he said as he turned to his brother who nodded back in response. "My name is Joseph by the way and you've met Jacob. I run a church here. I don't believe I've seen you around before?" 

"No, you wouldn't have. I crossed the border to Montana on this dumb ass camping trip."

"You're with a group?" Joseph looked at his brother quickly and then back to you. 

"No, just me. It's a long story... I just thought it would be good for the spirit to get out in nature and all that bull," you shifted on your injured ankle as you hurried through the story. "But really, who am I kidding. I don't know the first thing about camping or hiking or any of this. That probably explains how I fell half way down a cliff." 

"It could happen easily to anyone," Joseph assured you as he picked up your backpack that you had shimmied out of earlier. "My church isn't far from here. Please, allow us to get you something to eat and help clean you up." 

"Oh, no.. that's okay. I should be able to find my way back to my camping spot. Hopefully." 

"You're not going to get far on that ankle," Jacob informed you as he looked you over. "It's getting late and these woods are full of wild animals." 

"Yes, that's true," Joseph agreed. "We have a spare room upstairs in the church. It's not much.. just a small bed and a place to wash up but you're more than welcome to it until you're back on your feet. Then I'll have Jacob scout for your camp site and drive you back." 

You were so surprised at the generosity of these people. They didn't know you from a hole in the ground and could easily just have sent you on your way. Truthfully, you were sure Jacob would have if his brother hadn't offered first but then again, maybe he would have surprised you too. He was rough around the edges but had been kind to you so far. 

"Well, okay... but please let me give you some money for letting me stay at least," you tried reasoning with him. 

Joseph refused of course and changed the subject by asking Jacob to bring around the car so you wouldn't have to walk as far. As you waited, he offered for you to lean against him to take some of the weight from your ankle. You happily agreed and leaned into him as he placed an arm around you. 

The car pulled up within a few feet of where you were standing but Joseph insisted on helping you to it and then into the seat after he opened the door for you. He informed his brother that he would drive you but would radio him later on. You watched as they touched foreheads. You assumed it must be a church thing...

\---

When you arrived at the church, you were surprised to see a half dozen people outside the gates with rifles. A sense of panic overtook you instantly. You had watched enough true crime shows to know this wasn't right. 

Joseph placed a hand on your arm and gave you a reassuring smile when he noticed your obvious nervousness. 

"They're here for the protection of my congregation and my family. Unfortunately we have some close minded people in the area who would like to see our church closed down. They don't see this as a place of hope that it is for everyone who attends and do what they can to take that away from us. Sometimes things get violent on their end so I've supplied protection for my people as a way of deterring any future harassment on them," he explained to you in a calm voice. 

Part of you still thought that was strange but you couldn't help but believe Joseph. He had been so kind to you up until this point and you knew some people took their religious views too far, whether they believed in God or not. Either way, you weren't really in the position to run so you were faced with the only choice of trusting this man and his family; at least until you were healed up. 

"That's a shame. I hope you don't have much more trouble." 

"Thank you," he said simply as he pulled up in front of the church and asked you to stay put until he could come around to help you. As he opened the door, you did your best to stand on your own but had to lean on him in the end to gain your balance again. He walked you inside, never rushing you. When you came to the stairs leading up to the spare room, he stopped and assessed their height. 

"These are going to prove difficult for you with that ankle in the shape it's in," he decided. 

"It's fine, I can make it. I'll just take my time..." 

Joseph held his hands out to you and walked you over to a pew instead, leading you by the arm. Once you were seated, he gazed off behind you, pondering your options. 

"My brother owns a ranch not far from here. He has several guest rooms and never has much company so I'm sure he would be willing to host you for awhile," he said finally. 

"I don't want to put him out. Is there a hotel or anything around here I could stay at instead?"

Joseph shook his head as he turned and trotted behind the alter at the front of the church. He pulled out a hand radio. 

"You'll have to excuse us... It's a small town and we don't have much in the way of tourism or hotels. In fact, something happened a few days ago to our phone lines too so we're all forced to use these old things until the phone company can make their way out here to fix the problem," he explained. "I'll radio John right now. I promise you, it's no trouble at all. He will be happy to have someone to keep him company."

You thanked him as he excused himself and stepped outside with the hand radio. What kind of backwards hick town was this? No hotel? No telephones? You felt like you had walked on to the set of a bad horror movie. 

A few minutes later, Joseph walked calmly back to your pew with a smile on his face. 

"He was more than happy to have you stay with him. He's on his way to pick you up, please relax for a bit." 

\--- 

A little while later, you heard the large wooden door of the church open and Joseph stepped inside, motioning behind him. You watched as a man in his thirties you guessed, with dark hair and the most stunning eyes, followed behind him. He smiled down at you as he got closer. You immediately felt your cheeks turn hot. 

"There's my new roomie," he said as he opened his arms dramatically. When you didn't say anything back he continued. "Ready to go?" 

"Yes, thank you by the way. I'm not in the habit of just crashing at strangers houses..." 

"I'm the first?" he said with mock surprise. 

You nodded as he took your arm and helped you to your feet. He walked you outside slowly as Joseph followed behind. When you got to the SUV outside, he finally turned to you before opening your door. 

"I'm John by the way, and was raised without manners apparently." 

You introduced yourself too before he helped you into the car and closed the door behind you. Turning to his brother, he patted his shoulder. Joseph grabbed his arm lightly and you watched as he spoke to him with a serious expression. The only words you could read on his lips were "harm" and "unhappy". John lost his smile at that but nodded with his eyes to the ground. You wondered what the hell was going on. 

After their good bye, John quickly made his way to the driver's seat and started the drive back to his ranch. On the way, he asked you about your injures, where you were from and what happened. He told you a bit about the ranch and warned you about the armed guards he had on the property, claiming the same reasons as Joseph did for the rifles at the church. When you asked him if he was involved in the church as well, he told you he was responsible for the baptisms. 

"Does your other brother help too?" you asked, not really sure what else to say. 

"You met Jacob already?" he asked between glances at you and the road. 

"Yep. He put my shoulder back on place... I guess I dislocated it." 

"Oh, shit. Lucky he was nearby then. What did you think of him?" 

You thought back to the you brief encounter with him. Your first reaction was to ogle him (you always had a thing for soldiers) but you knew you couldn't tell John that. 

"He seemed nice. Quiet maybe but he took good care of me," you finally answered. 

"Hmm, well sounds like he made a good impression. He was no where near as charming as me though, I'm sure," John said with a quick wink. 

"No where near as cocky either," you teased back before you could stop yourself. 

He stopped for a few seconds and you were sure you had offended him but then the corner of his mouth lifted and he let out a chuckle. 

"I have a smart ass on my hands I see. I think I'm going to enjoy having you around."


	2. Chapter 2

When you arrived at the ranch, you were amazed at the size of it. You were also amazed by all the people he had wandering around the grounds, even though he had warned you about it beforehand. 

"Welcome home," John exclaimed as he opened your door and helped you hobble inside. 

"This is... wow," was all you could say. It had the charm of a wood cabin but had massive vaulted ceilings and more closed doors than you could count. You reached out and touched lightly at a stuffed wolf in the corner. "You hunt?" 

He didn't seem the type to. Really he didn't seem to be the type to do anything rugged. You imagined he would be too worried about getting a hair out of place. 

"Jacob does," he said as he watched you look around the room, your eyes stopping on a large bookcase covering one wall. "You like to read?" 

"I do. I'm a writer so I definitely enjoy reading others works as well." 

John lifted his eyebrows at you. "A writer, huh? Anything I may have heard of?"

"Well.. no. I was a journalist but I got fired for being too head strong I guess. I'm in the process of writing my first book... Thought I might get some inspiration here but I guess I fucked that up." 

"Hmm, well look at it this way... Now you have some more down time to create. Let me show you something," he said as he led you out of the room and into a small office. 

The center of the room had a large mahogany desk and chair, complete with desk lamp, writing tablets and beautiful silver pens. The back wall had a large window that let in the perfect amount of light. The other two walls housed nothing but tall bookcases, completely packed with hard cover books. There were books of poetry, coffee table books filled with photographs of nature and books about philosophy and law, among others. 

"This is incredible! Is this your office?" you asked in awe. This was your idea of paradise. 

"No, mine's upstairs. This one's a spare but you're more than welcome to it while you're here." 

You turned to stare up at him. "I feel like I'm in the Beauty and the Beast..." 

"Insulting me already," he said as he stuck out his bottom lip to you jokingly. 

"No, no. Have you ever seen the movie?" you asked. He shook his head. "There's a part where the beast gives a library to Belle as a surprise. Besides... look at us. You'd definitely be the Beauty." 

You laughed before realizing you had either admitted to thinking he was hot or insulted him.. depending on how he took it. He smirked at you with what you were learning to be his signature smile, with one corner lifting just a tad higher than the other. It caused you to have a familiar tingle. 

"Want to see your room?" 

"Yes, thanks," you agreed as he led you next door to your bedroom. It was slightly smaller than the library but was beautifully decorated. The queen sized bed had the most gorgeous powder blue bedding and satin trimmed pillows. There was a wide dresser, night stand with a lamp and a stand up mirror in the corner. The walls were lightly scattered with pictures and a large mirror above the bed. 

"Your house is gorgeous." 

"Thank you. I like to try my hand at decorating every once in awhile," he said as he nodded to the opposite wall. "There's a double closet in there too if you'd like to hang your clothes." 

"All two pairs of them," you said grimly as you realized the majority of your belongings were still back at the camp site. Not that you had really brought a lot with you anyhow but your backpack only had a spare pair of shorts and a t-shirt in case the ones you wore now had gotten wet or dirty on your hike.

"I'll see what I can do to fix that. Do you want to rest for a bit or I could take you on a tour of the rest of the house if you'd like?" 

"Honestly, I'd love to take a bath or a shower if I could. I feel disgusting," you said as you waved down to your muddy legs and feet. 

"Of course, follow me." 

\--- 

After having a nice warm bath, you dried off and wrapped yourself in the bathrobe John had handed you before he left you to soak. You noticed it smelt a little bit like him. You stopped yourself from letting your mind go to the place it wanted... Obviously John had some millionaire model girlfriend somewhere, based on what you saw of his life so far. Joseph had said he didn't get much company but you couldn't see him being single. Unless he was one of those guys who took a new woman home every night. But then you remembered him telling you how he baptised people so maybe he was single because of his beliefs. You guessed you'd find out soon enough. 

As you walked out into the hall, the most amazing smell hit your nose. You followed it, trying your best on your twisted ankle. When you finally made your way into the kitchen, you saw John cooking away. He smiled when he noticed you. 

"Feel better?" 

"Much. That smells amazing by the way," you told him as you nodded towards the wok he was holding.

"You like stir fry I hope?" he asked as he shut off the burner and removed the wok from the stove, spooning two large portions into the bowls he had ready on the counter. 

"I do." 

"Perfect. Want to eat here or the dining room?" he asked. 

You were closest to the counter so you decided to just eat here. Pulling up a stool, you climbed up on it unsteadily. John grabbed your arm and kept your balance for you until you were upright. 

"Thanks. I mean... Just, for everything. And holy fuck, this is amazing," you pointed down at the bowl you had already dug into. 

"Glad to hear it," he smiled back at you. "And don't mention it.. really." 

You both ate in silence but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. Every one in awhile, John would ask you about something else in your life. He asked about what you liked to do in your spare time and how old you were and other generic questions. When he found out you were single, he told you he was too. 

"This is going to sound awful of me... I'm just not a religious person so I don't know how that works. Is it because of your place in the church?" you asked before you realized it was really none of your business. You instantly regretted your question. 

"No," he laughed. "We're allowed to date. Joseph isn't that much of a prude." 

You could feel your face turning hot again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just know that some of my friends who attend church don't agree with sex before marriage and all that." 

"Well, no... that would be giving into lust. But you can date someone and not have to fuck them." He watched your face for your reaction. 

"No, that's true. I'm sorry... This is none of my business anyhow," you stammered. 

"I was the one who asked first. Truthfully, it's not the church that's holding me back. It's just very difficult to find a woman who can... handle me. I have a bit of a temper." 

You were surprised at that. So far, he had seemed to be so outgoing and friendly. He laughed at your unintentional insults and was patient enough to let you, a complete stranger, into his home. 

"Oh c'mon, I'm sure it's not that bad," you replied. 

John stared down at his empty bowl before scraping his fork down the side of it. He turned to face you with a weak smile. 

"Let's just hope you don't have to see it."


	3. Chapter 3

After your meal, John walked you around the first floor of the house. He told you that there was a bathroom, a couple guest rooms, his office and of course, his bedroom upstairs but he didn't ask you to make the trek up the stairs and you were thankful for it. You briefly walked around outside as he pointed out the gardens and his air strip. You had never known a Baptist to make enough money to buy a plane before. When he caught you staring in disbelief, he explained. 

"I was a lawyer. Well, I still am but I don't practice as much. I was a partner at a law firm back home in Georgia. And I suppose it didn't hurt that I was left a big ass inheritance in the process," he said as he smiled down at you. "Just figured I'd answer your question." 

"I wasn't going to ask." 

"I know. You can ask me anything though... I'm pretty much an open book." 

"Me too... It's always been my curse. I tend to trust people too easily," you told him.

"Good to know. I'll have to think up some juicy questions for you," he winked down at you before turning back to the air strip. "I'll have to take you up in it sometime." 

"I'd love that," you told him. Heights had never bothered you and you thought it would be great to see Montana from a new view. 

John stopped and looked quickly to his right when something caught his eye. You turned in that direction, to see one of the guards waving John over with a radio in his hands. John let out an impatient sigh. 

"Wait here for me?" he asked as he helped sit you down on a nearby crate. You nodded as he trotted over to see what was going on. You watched the conversation, trying to decipher what it was about but they were too far away. All you could tell was the obvious frustration on John's face. He pointed the guard to the front of the house and turned his attention back to you, forcing a smile to his face as he walked back. 

"I have a couple of things to attend to for work. Can I bring you back to the house and get you settled in?"

"Sure," you agreed, still watching his face. You hoped there wasn't more trouble being caused for the church. Or maybe he was referring to his job as a lawyer. You decided you better not ask specifics but couldn't help pressing him a bit. "Everything okay?" 

He nodded but didn't say anything as he helped you back to the house. You decided you were going to call it an early night anyhow and had his escort you to your room. When he made sure you were seated in the bed, he ran out quickly and returned with a book of short stories. 

"Thought you might need some entertainment," he said as he handed you the book, flashing you a wide grin. 

"Thank you, John. I hope you have a good night." 

"You too," he said as he closed your door behind him. 

For the rest of the night, you flipped through the book but mostly sat daydreaming. You wanted nothing more than to go up to John's room and poke around - you had always had a healthy amount of curiosity - but you knew you'd never make it with your ankle. Besides, what the hell would he be hiding. 

\--- 

Later that night, your sleep was interrupted by the sound of someone stomping around outside your room. You sat up immediately, first thinking it was an intruder but then realizing that no one could ever break in here with it being as heavily guarded as it was. You finally decided it must be John returning home. You looked at the clock next to the bed to see it was after 3:00 am. 

Something must have gone wrong if he was just returning now, you decided. Part of you wanted to go out and see if he was okay but then after much internal arguing, you decided to leave him alone and fell back to sleep before you could stop yourself.

When you finally woke mid morning, the house was quiet. You figured John would be sleeping in, where he hadn't gotten home until the middle of the night. 

Quietly, you limped to the bathroom downstairs. Surprisingly, your ankle didn't feel any better at all. Your shoulder was slightly better but still tender as Jacob told you it would be. Once you had finished in the bathroom, you decided to go on the hunt for some coffee. John had told you multiple times last night to help yourself to anything in the house so you felt okay rummaging through the cupboards. You finally found some instant coffee in the back of one of them and a kettle in another. John had all of his appliances neatly tucked out of sight and off the counter. But really, his whole house was meticulously organized and clean. 

As you finally sat on your stool with your coffee, you spotted a piece of paper a couple feet away from you. You leaned over to scan it and noticed your name.. or nickname rather, at the top. 

"Good morning roomie,

I hope you had a decent sleep... Sorry I wasn't able to keep you company. I did warn you about my manners though. I'll be out today, hope to see you for dinner. 

John

p.s. check the couch in the living room when you get a chance" 

Holy fuck, you thought to yourself... Even his hand writing was perfect. You put the note down and forced the smile from your face as you thought about him. You had known him for a whole of what, a couple hours? And here you were crushing on him already. 

You finished your coffee quickly and made your way to the living room area. On the couch, you noticed an enormous pile of clothes. You sifted through them to find several pairs of jeans, a couple pairs of leggings, scoop neck t-shirts of every colour, a button down plaid shirt, a half dozen tank tops, a few pairs of loose fitting pajama bottoms and lastly, a beautiful flowy pink sundress. On the floor were two pairs of sneakers, a pair of low heels and a pair of black flip flops. On the other couch, sat a pile of panties and bras, all lacey or silky and oddly, all your size. You stood back and stared at everything, completely overwhelmed. How long did he think you'd be staying here? And where the hell did he get all of this? And more importantly, how did he know your size for everything? 

Your thoughts immediately turned to Joseph explaining the reasons for trying to protect his congregation. How could anyone be so cruel to this family? They were literally the most caring and generous people you had ever met.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kind of a filler chapter... Trying to set up the dynamic between you and John a bit. Sorry if it's boring.

"Hey," you greeted John as he walked in the kitchen from his day away from home. You watched happily as he looked you over in your new clothes. You had chosen a tight fitting pair of medium wash jeans and a black t-shirt. 

"Hi," he said softly before stopping in front of you. "You look amazing." 

"Thank you for the clothes. They're perfect... But you didn't need to go through so much trouble for me," you avoided his compliment as you felt your face start to flush. 

"It was no trouble. I couldn't have you wearing the same clothes everyday," he said as he took a seat at the counter. "Jacob scouted the area where they found you and he came across your campsite. It looks like someone might have taken off with your stuff. I asked him to bring back your clothes but he said there was nothing there but an empty bag and a tent." 

"Seriously? Oh for fuck's sake. Did he say what colour the tent was? Maybe it wasn't mine." 

"Blue with a black flap in the front?" he asked. 

You hung your head as you realized all of your belongings including your phone and wallet were gone. John leaned over and pushed his face into your field of vision. He gave you a concerned smile and told you it would be okay. 

"Not really. I mean... I guess I don't need more clothes anymore but my cell phone was in there and my wallet with my ID and my bank card. How the hell am I going to get home?"

"Don't worry," John reassured you again as he stood and took your hand, leading you to the other side of the counter before he helped you to your stool. "In case you've forgotten, you have a rich roommate with a plane... Kind of comes in handy when you need to travel." 

You let out a sigh and looked back up at him. You knew it wasn't worth getting upset about. John was right. You'd have him help you home and then you'd wire him some funds to help pay for any expenses he incurred as well as some extra for the clothes and for letting you stay with him. 

"I'm sorry, that just pisses me off royally." 

"Do I sense a bit of a temper?" he asked playfully. 

"You're not the only one I guess," you shrugged. "I made dinner by the way. Hungry?" 

"Absolutely. Stay here, I'll get it for us." 

\--- 

After you had both gotten your fill of carbs (you had made pasta for dinner), John suggested you sit outside in the night air for a bit. He made you each a cup of camomile tea and helped you to a small wooden bench just outside the doors. 

"Ahh, that's better," he said as he kicked out his feet and took a sip from his mug. "How was your day today?" 

"It was okay. I did a bit of writing and then I put away all hundred pieces of clothing you left for me. Do you know how long that took me with one good leg by the way?" 

You watched as his face fell. "I'm sorry, I should have put them away for you. I wasn't thinking."

"I'm joking," you told him. His face didn't move. "Seriously. I'm sorry, that wasn't funny. I do have to ask though... How exactly did you know my size?" 

"Your clothes in the dirty laundry," he said simply. You watched as he looked out across the lawn. 

"You okay?" you asked, laying your hand on his knee. 

John stared down at your hand. He seemed genuinely shocked at your touch. You pulled it back quickly when you noticed his reaction and stumbled to say something to move the attention away from the awkwardness. 

"Yes, I'm fine. It was just a bit of a hard day," he said before turning his attention back to you. You watched as he forced another smile to his face. You wondered why he had such an obvious need to put on a front for you and wondered if he did that for everyone. 

"Want to talk about it?" you asked him, genuinely hoping he would. 

"It's nothing, but thank you... really. I cant remember when the last time someone asked me that was."

Your heart instantly broke for him. What kind of friends did he have that didn't check in on him from time to time. You glanced at him before turning back to your tea. 

"Good tea," you said as you raised the cup slightly, unsure of what else to say. 

John watched you with a look of amusement. His mouth turned up into that smile that drove you crazy. 

"You liking it here so far?" he asked before correcting himself. "I mean, in Montana... Obviously you wouldn't be enjoying your time laid up in a strange place." 

"I'm enjoying both," you told him. "Honestly, I'm not in a huge hurry to go home." 

"No?" John raised an eyebrow at you. 

"Not really. I had a lot of shit going on back home. It's nice to get away from it" 

"Like what?" He watched you with a look of interest. You normally wouldn't open up to a complete stranger but you'd been through so much, it was nice to have someone to talk to. 

"Well, I told you about losing my job. I wrote an article they didn't like and they ended up firing me for my 'big mouth'. Apparently some big companies in my town are allowed to get away with whatever the fuck they want and we're not supposed to bring attention to it. And then I was with this asshole for awhile before I found out that he was cheating on me. So I'm definitely just over it all. I need a fresh start." 

"Piece of shit," John muttered after you had finished your story. At first you thought he meant you but then you realized he was referring to your ex. "Well, you know... Maybe it wasn't an accident that you ended up here. You could always start over here." 

"That actually sounds nice. The scenery is so beautiful here and everyone I've met has been so friendly. Well, I guess it's only been your family... And also, your guards aren't super talkative." you rambled. John laughed.

"They're not supposed to be. But I'll make sure they know to loosen up a bit." 

You smiled back at him before finishing your tea. You had been outside for quite awhile and were starting to get tired. You let out a long exaggerated yawn. 

"I think I'm going to head inside, maybe do a bit of reading if that's okay," you said as you tried to stand. You lost your balance slightly but John was at your side in an instant, holding you around the waist. You leaned into him as he helped support your weight.

"I'm getting you crutches tomorrow," he said as he watched you limp. 

"That would be wonderful," you told him as you neared your bedroom. You turned to him as you opened the door. "Thank you for tonight, I really enjoyed it." 

"Me too," he said. You watched him smile to himself as you closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, you woke well rested and in a better mood than you had been in lately. Pulling yourself up, you noticed a pair of crutches leaning on the nightstand. That was quick. 

You stood and gave them a try. It took you a bit to get used to them but after a couple trips around the room, you caught on. After heading to the bathroom to run a brush through your hair, you made your way out to the kitchen. John sat at the counter, a mug in his hand and a book in the other. He looked up at you happily when he saw you approach. 

"Morning," he greeted you as he closed his book. "Get a good sleep?" 

"Apparently. I didn't even hear you in my room... Thanks for these," you said as you nodded down to the crutches. 

"Yeah, you were out cold. Interesting fact... You snore louder than anyone I've ever met." 

"Oh my god, are you kidding me? I didn't know I did at all..." You were mortified. 

John laughed as he got up and slung a cup of coffee over the counter to you. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" 

"You jerk," You gave him your best scowl. 

"I just like watching your face turn beet red," he said with a wink. 

John was in the middle of asking you what you'd like for breakfast as there was a quiet knock on the front door. He held a finger up as he excused himself and made his way to the entrance. 

A minute later, Joseph walked into the room with the same warm smile he always had. 

"There she is. How are you feeling?" he asked as he took a seat next to you. 

"A little bit better. I still can't get around too well but my shoulder is back to normal at least." 

"That's to be expected. Jacob suspects you have a serious sprain. Rest is the best thing for that. I'm glad to see you have something to help you around the house." 

You nodded and smiled up at John who was now standing on the opposite side of the counter. You noticed his demeanor had changed slightly, now leaning more on the serious side. 

"I have a service planned for later this morning. I was hoping you might like to attend?" he asked hopefully. 

"Oh, I... Sure." you answered. Truthfully, you hadn't been to church since you were a child and didn't have any plans of returning but he had done so much for you that you found it hard to refuse. 

"Excellent. John's invited me in for breakfast so perhaps we can all travel to the church together?" he asked John, finally turning his attention away from you. John nodded back in response before getting to work on some eggs. 

\--- 

You excused yourself from the room after breakfast to get ready for church. You assumed now that maybe that was why John had given you the sundress. Either way, you were grateful that he had. It fit you like a glove - form fitting in all the right places but flowy at the bottom, giving you room to move freely. It sat just shy of your knees and the short sleeves were the perfect length. John had good taste, you decided. 

Once you finished doing your hair and putting your flip flops on (you tried the heels but your ankle was still too swollen), you headed out to meet John and Joseph in the living room. When you approached, they both stared at you appreciatively. Joseph was the first to stand. 

"You look absolutely beautiful," he said softly. John nodded at his side. 

"Thank you, I guess I clean up okay." 

"Shall we head out?" Joseph asked you, offering his arm as support. You had decided to leave the crutches at home for now. 

"Ready when you are," you replied. 

\--- 

During the car ride, you sat back and listened to the brothers interact with one another. Joseph had given you the front seat, beside John and had opted for the back. When he asked you a question about your stay or how you were feeling, he always reached a hand around the back of your seat and on to your shoulder. It was strange that John seemed so adverse to touching when Joseph was clearing the opposite. 

When you finally arrived at the church, John made his way to your side of the car to help you out but Joseph was already there. He helped you into the church with John following behind, greeting his followers along the way. Everyone seemed genuinely pleased to see him. It really gave you a better feeling about all of this. Somewhere in the back of your paranoid brain, you guessed you had still been waiting for something horrible to happen. 

As you reached the front of the church, you noticed a familiar shock of red hair. He turned to greet you all when you approached. John seemed much happier to see Jacob and they joked around with one another briefly before you were all seated. You decided to sit next to John. 

"Are we missing someone?" John asked as he scanned the church. 

"Still trouble..." Jacob stopped as he noticed you. "She's not feeling the best unfortunately." 

John nodded slowly and turned to you before explaining their sister normally joined them for service. 

You were going to ask more about her but Joseph had taken his place at the front of the church and was starting his sermon. He welcomed the congregation and pointed out the new face in the church, much to your embarrassment. Everyone smiled and welcomed you. 

His sermon was relatively short, speaking of acceptance and forgiveness of one's sins. He asked his audience to have patience for the people who were causing trouble for the church and told them he had every confidence that they would come around. He finally ended the sermon with some uplifting words about love and how people came into your life for a reason and that it should be embraced. He glanced at you before excusing everyone and telling them to have a good day. 

As the congregation shuffled out of the church, Joseph made his way to you. 

"What did you think?" he asked. 

"That was really nice. You can tell everyone was really inspired by your words," you told him. "Thank you for inviting me." 

"Of course. You are welcome here whenever you would like. We normally have a service twice a week. My family is always present so John could bring you with him." 

"Sounds good," you lied. Truthfully, you were kind of bored with the whole thing. "I'm sorry to hear your sister isn't feeling well. Hopefully I can meet her soon." 

Joseph seemed genuinely shocked at the mention of her. He glanced quickly at John and Jacob and then back to you. 

"Ahh yes, she's been feeling under the weather for the past week but it's nothing serious. She just can't seem to shake whatever it is she has," he explained. 

You nodded in understanding and looked back to John who was watching his brother. When he noticed you looking at him, he turned to you with a smile. 

"Ready roomie?" he asked. 

"Ready." 

John helped you to the car with Joseph behind him. Jacob had been following for a bit too but then he took off after telling you to behave yourself. He seemed like the typical big brother type, you decided you liked him already. 

When it was time to part ways, Joseph gave you a kiss on the cheek and told you he would be by to visit soon. After John had helped you into the car, Joseph asked if he could have a quick word with him. 

"Hang tight, okay?" John asked with his hand on the door. He waited for you to nod before closing the door and walking to where his brother stood several feet away. 

John hadn't noticed the window on his side of the car was still open a smidge. You couldn't hear the whole conversation but when the wind picked up, the words travelled to the car, letting you eavesdrop a bit. 

"I need you to make sure she's happy John," you hear Joseph say but then you couldn't make anything out again for a few minutes. You did your best to lean to John's window without it being obvious. You were suddenly able to hear a bit more. John said something about "starting over" and then Joseph said something that sounded like "cookie monster guts" but you knew that couldn't be right. 

Dammit, why couldn't they just talk a little louder. At this point, your curiosity was off the charts. You finally decided to "drop" one of your earrings on the floor under the gas pedal. It would give you an excuse if you got caught contorting yourself towards the driver's side. 

"My new Faith," you heard Joseph say. You were instantly disappointed by your effort. All of that and he was just talking some churchy shit. 

You reached for your earring but had thrown it just a bit too far. When John caught you halfway across his seat, he laughed. 

"Ready for a nap already?" he teased 

"I dropped my damn earring but actually, a nap does sound nice," you told him truthfully. 

"Alright then, let's get you home."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After awhile, I just kind of gave up on writing them slurring their words and such so just pretend they sound drunk, k? ;)

"Pasta again?" he asked, wide eyed. 

"I'm a relentless pasta eating machine, John. I can't help it." 

He laughed but didn't agree with your reasoning. "I just can't do it. How about I grill up some burgers instead?" 

You sat back on your stool and threw yourself dramatically on the counter in front of him, stretching your arms out past the edge. 

"Fiiinne," you finally agreed. 

"Aww sweetheart, what can I do to make this up to you?" John asked as he bent down to your eye level. 

You wanted to tell him the only thing that could possibly make this better was if he bent you over the counter and fucked you until you couldn't stand anymore but figured you better hold back a bit.

"Alcohol would help." 

"The church is dry unfortunately," he explained. 

You sat back up and stared at him in disbelief. Your friends that were church goers drank, more than you did sometimes. 

"Really?" 

"Joseph doesn't agree with it. But.." he let out a little sigh. "You can't tell Joseph about this... ever. Okay?" 

You nodded and before he explained what was going on, he was out the door. When he returned, he carried two bottles of wine. 

You tsk'ed at him jokingly as he grabbed a couple glasses. He told you that he had the bottles hidden and they'd be warm but you were more than okay with that. 

\---

You had both polished off dinner and were now a bottle and a half deep into the wine. You hadn't had anything to drink in nearly six months so it was hitting you hard. From John's flushed face, you assumed the same could be said about him. You noticed his words were starting to slur. 

At one point, you had tripped while trying to put your plate in the sink (which may or may not have been caused by your buzz but you blamed it on your ankle anyhow). When John tried to pull you up, he nearly fell himself so you both now sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, drinking wine straight from the bottle. When you brought the bottle from your lips, you shook it at John. It was now empty. 

"I have more," he said as he jogged out of the room and came back with another. 

"Where are you hiding all this?" you asked him as he handed you the bottle after removing the cork. 

"My secret," he said with a wink. He plunked down next to you, so close that his shoulder was now rubbing against yours. 

"I seriously don't remember the last time I was this drunk..." you said into the bottle before passing it to him. 

"Me neither. This reminds me of when I was a teenager." 

"Mmm hmm," you agreed. "The only thing missing is truth or dare." 

John took a big swig before pushing the bottle to your lips again. You took it from his hands. 

"Well, we may be old now but we can still play," he offered. The thought immediately sent a wave of excitement through you. Just think of all the things you could dig up on him finally!

"Let's do it. But if it's a truth, we can't refuse to answer no matter what, okay? And nothing is off limits." 

"Deal," he nodded. 

"Alright, truth or dare?" 

"Truth," John said quicker than you expected him to. 

You thought for a long moment of what you would ask him until it finally came to you. 

"Okay... When was the last time you had sex?" You were sure he wasn't a virgin but you were curious how long it had been. 

"Just before you got here," he said. 

You were shocked at that. He had told you before that having premarital sex would be "giving into lust" and just kind of figured he would practice what he preached. 

"I thought you said you were single?" 

"I am. And I was..." 

"Oooh... What a scandal. Was it a one night stand?" you asked, curiosity gnawing away at you. 

"That's a second question. I only need to answer one per turn," he said smugly. 

"Oh c'mon!" you pleaded but he didn't give in. "Fine. I pick truth too then." 

"Alright, well then I'll ask you the same question." 

"Last time? Probably a month ago I guess... with my ex. Always disappointing." you over shared.

"Was he not very good?" John asked with genuine interest. 

"No, not at all. And he had nothing else to make up for it," you said, eluding to his penis size. John picked up on it right away. 

"I always wondered if that really mattered to women. I mean, if the guy's amazing, does the size matter too?" 

"Yep," you answered him honestly. This wine was giving you all kinds of courage. "Don't worry... I'm sure you have nothing to worry about" 

You instantly regretted opening your mouth but were pretty sure John would just forget by morning anyhow. 

"You don't think?" he asked with a grin. 

"Am I wrong?" 

"No," he answered as he moved a tiny bit closer to you. He reached over and grabbed the bottle from your hands before taking a long drink. 

"To answer your question, it was only a few times and her name is Holly. She's a member of our congregation... Beautiful girl but she has the personality of a damp rag. And she's not adventurous at all, hence why we are not in a relationship," John finally said, filling you in on the details. 

Your mind flashed back to the service from earlier that day. You remembered a girl there named Holly because she was so stunningly beautiful and because she kept her eyes on John the entire sermon. At the time you thought she may just be admiring him but now it made sense. You felt a twinge of jealousy.

"Do you buy her slutty lingerie too?" 

John dropped the bottle from his lips and stared back at you. You watched as he moved his eyes down to your chest, apparently trying to see through your tank top. 

"Do you not like them?" he finally asked. 

"No, no.. I do. I was just kind of surprised at what you picked out... Everything's just a bit.. revealing. Like, my tits are literally popping out of this one." There go your loose lips again.

"Can I be candid for a minute without you slapping a restraining order on me?" John asked. You nodded. "I just got everything I would want to see you in." 

You face instantly went red. This whole thing was insane... there was so much sexual tension between you tonight and you weren't sure if it was the wine or if it was real. 

"Don't be embarrassed around me," John said as he raised your chin so you were forced to look at him. 

"I thought you liked making me blush?" 

"I do. But I don't want to make you uncomfortable. We can stop playing if you want." 

"No, no.. and I'm not uncomfortable. But you really need to stop being such an ass and saying stuff like that," you slapped at him playfully. "Okay, my turn right? Umm.. truth again." 

"Okay. Let's see... Why was your ex bad in bed?" 

"He was just... I guess he was like your Holly; he wasn't adventurous. He never wanted to try anything new. He literally just wanted to lay there while I did all the work... Every. Single. Time. He actually got mad at me once and called me a whore for wanting him to tie me up." 

You turned to John when the story was done to see a look on his face you hadn't seen before. He looked like he was ready to pounce on you right then and there. You wanted to look away but couldn't. 

"Do you like to be with someone who's dominant?" he asked quietly. 

"Does that make me weird? I mean, he thought so but he also turned out to be a complete asshole so I'm not taking his opinion to heart. I don't know what it is... I mean, I'm pretty in control of everything else in my life. I guess it's just nice to give that control to someone else every one in awhile... But it's hard to find a man who will do that." 

"Really?" he asked with a hint of surprise in his voice. 

"I haven't found one yet. And here I am... still sexually frustrated," you told him. You couldn't stop your mouth tonight, as much as you tried. 

"Come here," John said as he reached over and pulled you over to straddle his lap. You looked down at him in shock. You weren't sure what was happening but you prayed it was what you were thinking. 

He ran both hands slowly up you sides, letting his fingertips graze the sides of your breasts as he went. When you let out a gasp, he moved his hands to your back and pulled you to him, pressing his lips on yours roughly. You melted into him, letting your tongue push past his lips. As you continued, you felt him harden under you. Deciding you would help things along, you slowly ground your hips into his. You heard him let out a low groan before he pulled back. 

"Don't do that," he said before he kissed you again.

"Isn't that why you pulled me over here?" 

You felt John's hands again, running down your back this time and pulling at the hem of your shirt. He pulled it up quickly and tossed it on the floor behind you. He leaned back to assess the bra he had bought for you. You had decided on a black lace one today that exposed pretty much everything underneath. 

"Does it look as good as you pictured?" you asked, feeling a bit self conscious. 

"Fuck, yes," he murmured as he pulled you to his lips again. 

By now, you could tell he was fully hard. Even though he asked you not to, you couldn't help but rock on his lap, feeling the pressure build up between your thighs. You let your fingers run through his hair and down his back, grabbing at his shoulders. When you finally built up enough courage, you reached for the front of his shirt and made quick work of unbuttoning it. As you pulled back the fabric, you gasped at the sight of him. Not because he was hot as hell (which he was) but because of the scars that were scattered across his body. You ran a hand over the word "sloth" at the top of his chest. It looked like someone had carved it into his skin. 

"John..." you started but weren't sure what else to say. 

"Bad childhood," he said quickly and pulled you to him, closing the gap between you and ultimately blocking your view. You wondered what the hell had happened to him. Everything was starting to add up though... the marks on his skin - some of them looked like cigarette burns - and his surprise when you touched him while asking if he was okay that night out on the bench. The poor guy just needed some love. Good thing you were in the position right now to give it to him. 

"No more truth or dare then?" you teased as his mouth trailed down your jaw and on to your neck. 

"I'll tell you one more truth and then I think the game's done. Deal?" he asked. You were disappointed when he stopped kissing you but nodded in agreement to his terms. 

"The first time I saw you in that church, even with you all bloody and dirty, I wanted to fuck you right there on that pew, in front of everyone," he whispered into your ear before he bit down gently on the lobe. Your body reacted instantly to his confession. 

"Then fuck me now," you said between moans. John had moved down to your neck again and was busy sucking away. 

"Here?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Right here on this floor. And then wherever else you want to." 

"You're one horny little thing, aren't you?" he growled as he pulled you off and pushed you down to the floor. He was on you in an instant, kissing at your collar bone and then through the fabric of your bra. 

"Yes, and you really need to put me out of my misery. I can't take this any more," you panted between ragged breaths. Every inch of your body was begging for him. 

John knelt back up, reaching for his belt before he suddenly came to a dead stop. He had a look of panic as he looked down at you. 

"We can't do this," he finally said, pushing to his feet and grabbing for his shirt. 

"What?" You pushed up to your feet too, stumbling a bit before you braced yourself on the wall. "What did I do?" 

"Nothing," John said as he reached down and handed you your shirt too. He turned to leave, looking truly frazzled. You grabbed his arm, preventing his exit. 

"John..." 

"Joseph would kill me." 

Oooh, so it was this religious crap again. You had kind of forgotten about that when he told you he was off banging some random chick. 

"But Holly..." you started before you realized you were borderline begging. You refused to do that. 

"It's not her I'm not allowed to fuck," he said " It's you."


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh my fuck..." you mumbled to yourself as you dragged your ass out of bed. It was close to lunch time but you still had a head ache that just wouldn't go away. You were definitely not going to drink ever again. And it wasn't just the head ache, it was everything that happened with John too. He obviously wanted you but somehow Joseph put a stop to things without him even being here. You had no idea what John meant and he was quick to go to bed afterwards so you didn't get a chance to press the issue. 

You decided the best thing for you right now was a warm shower and about five glasses of water. 

After your shower, you put on some of your sleep shorts and a tank top. Digging through the medicine cabinet, you finally found some pain killers and made your way to the kitchen to grab your water. A wave of anxiety spread through you as you realized John would probably be in there with his coffee. You decided you would just need to talk about what happened last night and clear the air right away so you'd feel better. You weren't sure what to say but figured you would work that out as you went. 

When you rounded the corner to the kitchen, you were both disappointed and relieved that John wasn't there. You looked around for a note but didn't see anything. You decided to go search for him after you hydrated. 

He wasn't in the living room and you didn't hear him upstairs. When you peeked your head outside, you only saw his guards wandering around. You asked one of them if they had seen John. 

"He's gone for awhile," she told you and turned to leave again. 

"How long is awhile?" you called after her. She turned to you and shrugged. 

You soon learned that "awhile" was apparently a full day and night. When you realized he wasn't coming home, you put the left overs you had saved for him in the fridge and headed for bed. 

The next day, it was the same thing. In fact, two more days went by and you still hadn't heard a thing. Things were getting boring around the ranch. Everytime you tried to get some writing done, your thoughts turned to John and you couldn't concentrate enough to continue. You finished the book of short stories John gave you and flipped through a couple magazines. You sat outside and watched the guards slack off now that John wasn't around and you soaked in the bath for hours on end. 

Finally, on the third day, you heard the front door open. You wanted to run out to him and yell at him for being such as ass for leaving after all that happened but decided to keep your cool and stay seated on the couch. He could find you if he wanted to talk. 

You sat for a couple long minutes, pretending to read your book when finally you heard footsteps enter the room. You looked up to see Joseph, much to your surprise. 

"Well, you're not John," you said as you set your book down. 

"No, John has some things he has to attend to unfortunately. They were unavoidable. He asked me to check on you and ensure you had enough groceries," Joseph explained in that same calming voice as always. 

He took a seat on the couch next to you and crossed his ankle over his other knee. You both looked at each other for a moment before he finally asked how you were feeling. 

"I'm fine now. I don't need my crutches anymore... It's the boredom now that's getting to me." 

"Yes, I know what you mean. I'd do anything to watch Jeopardy again," he laughed. "I guess that's to be expected when you live in the middle of nowhere. What have you been doing with your time?" 

"Reading a lot. I've been trying to do a little bit of writing but I've been having a hard time concentrating. I wanted to go out exploring but John told me about some crazy gun toting neighbours of his. He said I should probably stay close by." 

"Yes, that's for the best. I fear the people in Hope County are a bit backwards in their ways. Our church is relatively new here and we have a nice sized following but there are still so many people who would have us driven out. They don't see us as one of their own. I would never want to scare you but I worry for your safety if you go far from the ranch, at least for the time being." 

"Truthfully, I'm healed up for the most part anyhow so I should probably head home. John said he would help me get back so I'll just have to wait for him," you told him. He looked like someone just told him his best friend died. 

"John mentioned you might want to start over here." he said without offering anything else to the conversation. 

"I'd love that but it's just not feasible. I'm here with no money, no cell phone... Even if I had my debit card, I don't have enough to buy a house. John said there aren't any apartments that he knew of that were vacant. And then I'd have to find a job. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm better off going back home." 

"I'm sure John would love for you to stay here with him. You'd be welcome for as long as you wanted, or until an apartment came up. I could easily find you a job," he suggested. He really seemed upset that you were thinking of leaving. 

"I'm sure John will be happy once I'm gone and he has his privacy back," you said unhappily.

"Why do you say that?" 

"It's nothing," you mumbled, suddenly remembering your manners. "Can I make you some tea?" 

Joseph moved closer to you on the couch and laid a hand on yours, leaning in with a concerned look. "No, I'm fine thank you. Please, has something happened between you and John? Has he been... unkind?" 

You and your big mouth. You should have just let things slide but for some reason, you felt comfortable opening up to Joseph. At the same time though, as worried as John was of Joseph finding out about the other night how could you tell him you were frustrated for not being able to fuck his brother and angry that he cut you off and then disappeared without a word. 

"It's just not like him to leave without a note. I'm worried that maybe he's growing tired of me invading his space like this, you know? I'm sure he's happy living on his own without having to take care of a stranger," you lied to him. He seemed to buy it. 

"Well, firstly... you're not a stranger anymore. You're our friend. Second, I know for a fact that John was pulled away very early in the morning and he just wouldn't have had time to leave you an explanation. He's been enjoying your company, he told me himself," Joseph assured you, still holding your hand. 

"Is everything okay? Will he be back soon?" 

"I'll see what I can do to help relieve some of his duties and get him home as quickly as I can, okay? Would that make you happy?" he asked.

You nodded. "As much as I hate to admit it, I kind of miss his dumb face." 

Joseph laughed at that and gave your hand a quick squeeze before standing up and holding his hand out to you. You let him help you from the couch and he led you to the entry way, without a word. 

"Would you like to go for a walk with me? There's a pond nearby I could show you in case you'd like to swim sometime." 

"That would be great! I love to swim. Just let me grab my shoes." 

\---

After showing you the best path to take from John's property, you and Joseph now walked slowly through the woods, enjoying the fresh air. You talked casually about your shared interests, your life back home and how John refused to let you eat pasta every day. Joseph laughed at that. He told you a little bit about John and what he was like growing up and how he had excelled in his line of work. You found out that Jacob was enlisted in the Gulf War and how he now trained wolves. The whole thing sounded insane but it made sense for him to at the same time. When you asked about his sister, Joseph turned quiet. 

"I have to admit that I lied the other day to you," he said as you finally reached the pond and sat on the grass around it with your toes in the water. "She hasn't been ill." 

"Oh," you weren't sure what else to say. Both he and his brother had told you the same story. 

"I was ashamed to admit the truth, not having known you for too long. I was afraid you would judge me but that wasn't right of me to do. I can tell you have an accepting heart," he said as he watched for your reaction. You smiled back at him, encouraging him to continue. "Our sister has always been an unpredictable one. Where my brothers and I have always been on the same page, she would sometimes doubt our decisions. Our relationship has become... strained." 

"I completely understand. The family I have back home don't talk to me anymore. Well, the other way around too. Sometimes as much as you try, you can't force a relationship. Not if the other person doesn't want to work on it with you." 

"Yes, yes... Exactly," Joseph agreed happily. "I knew you would understand. It's a shameful thing to talk about sometimes so we are just riding this out at the moment in hopes that she will come around with a little coercing. You being here though... I don't think it was by accident. Perhaps God has sent you to us to fill the void we feel with her absence." 

You weren't really sure how to take that. You certainly hoped they didn't think of you as their sister... Well, Jacob and Joseph could, you didn't care about that. You could tell how much pain this was causing Joseph though and knew if you being here offered him a bit of comfort, then you would be that friend that he needed. You touched his hand and smiled warmly at him. 

"I'm here for you whenever you need me. Maybe you're right... Maybe I'm meant to be here afterall.


	8. Chapter 8

Joseph walked you back to the ranch after you noticed your arms starting to burn a bit. He apologized several times on the way back but you assured him that his visit was just what you needed. You had really enjoyed his company and his calming presence helped ease some of the anxiety you had been feeling the past few days. 

"Can I make you dinner?" you asked when you finally reached the house. 

"That would be wonderful," he agreed. "But only if we have some pasta." 

"Ahh, a man after my own heart. Thank you!" You knew he had only suggested it because of your complaint about it earlier. 

You quickly got to work in the kitchen as Joseph sat at the counter, chatting away. When dinner was nearly done, Joseph excused himself and went into the dining room to set the table. 

When everything was done cooking, you served it in two of the pasta bowls John had tucked away in the cupboard and joined Joseph at the table. You were surprised to see the table had been set for two, with each place setting across from one another at one end of the table. Beautiful glasses, you had never seen before, were filled with water and displayed next to cloth napkins and silverware. Two candles were lit and placed in the middle of the table. 

"This is beautiful," you said as you neared him and placed the bowls on the table. He came around to your side of the table and pulled a chair out for you. 

"Well, it's been a very long time since I had such a beautiful woman cook for me. I thought it might be nice to do something special." 

You felt your face redden again, not because of his compliment but because you realized that maybe he thought this was more than a simple "please stay, I need some company other than these damn guards or I'll lose my marbles" dinner. Maybe you should have clarified. 

You both sat quietly for a moment after Joseph complimented you on the meal. 

"Can I ask you something personal?" you finally asked, unsure if you should. 

"Yes, of course." 

"I noticed a scar on John's chest, when he was wearing one of his button downs," you figured you should add that in. "He mentioned having a rough childhood..." 

Joseph placed his fork down, giving you his full attention. You weren't sure what else to say so you shook your head slightly and waved your hand, dismissing the question. 

"It's fine. Please don't feel uncomfortable asking. John has been through a great deal in his life. Our parents were..." he let out a sigh. "troubled, I guess is the kindest word to use. We suffered a great deal of abuse from them but John took the majority of it. Just unspeakable acts, really. Jacob did his best to protect us but he's older and wasn't always around to shield us from it. It's such a shame because John was born with the most carefree and kind spirit I've ever seen." 

"I would say he still does. He's been more than kind to me through all of this," you tried to defend him. 

"That's good to hear. John does have..." 

"A temper?" you asked, finishing his sentence for him. 

"Yes. He unfortunately has a dark side that he cannot shake and most will never understand why," he told you sadly. "But, I should probably do these dishes up." 

You tried arguing with him for a bit but he insisted on you relaxing. After awhile, he returned to the dining room and told you he should head home. You walked him to the door. 

"We are having another service tomorrow morning, I would love to see you there if you're able to make it. I can pick you up," he told you as he held both of your hands in his. 

You really didn't want to go but you knew Joseph's family always attended and that meant John would be there. 

"Yes, I'd love that Joseph. Is it okay that I wear the same dress though?" you asked. You always thought of the weirdest details. 

"Yes, of course," he chuckled. "I will see you in the morning." 

He kissed your cheek softly and left you in the doorway with your thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, you ate breakfast alone again while staring at the cupboards mindlessly. You didn't think of yourself as a social person but this isolation was getting you down. That, and the gnawing anxiety of having this whole awkward situation with John looming over your head, unresolved. You wondered how he would react to seeing you today. You hoped Joseph would give him the heads up instead of just springing that on him. 

After your breakfast was done and the dishes were put away, you went to your room to get ready. You put your dress on and managed to get your feet in the heels you were too swollen to fit into last time. Deciding you needed to look a little different than the last service, you chose to wear your hair up and off your neck. As you were finishing up, you heard a car pull up outside. It must be Joseph. 

A few minutes later, your suspicions were confirmed when you heard him calling for you at the door. Tucking the last piece of hair behind your ear, you made your way out of your room to greet him. He took you in his arms in a long hug when he saw you and commented again on how beautiful you looked. 

"Same dress," you reminded him. 

"Yes, but still beautiful. Your hair looks lovely that way." 

He reached his hand out for yours but you decided it would probably be better to just take his arm as you walked out to the car. You were hoping to let him down gently, even though you weren't a hundred percent sure if that was what was really going on. He might just be a touchy guy. You suddenly thought of John and how he was such the opposite of Joseph in that regard. Your touch always seemed to surprise him, like he couldn't understand why you would want to. And when you kissed, he was so needy for it. You wondered where Jacob stood on that spectrum. 

\---

The church was packed today, even though you had arrived early. Joseph asked you to stand by his side as he greeted the members as they arrived, introducing you to each of them. When Jacob showed up, Joseph finally gave you the option of going inside with him if you'd like. You didn't really know Jacob but it was getting a bit overwhelming, smiling and greeting all these people. It was especially tough for you to fake a smile when you had to meet Holly for a second time. You wanted nothing more than to grab her by the throat. So when Joseph offered, you decided it would be best to follow Jacob. 

"If you stare at that window right there," he pointed to one behind the spot that Joseph normally stood. "You can daydream and it still looks like you're paying attention." 

You turned to him, laughing. "Don't you find all this riveting though?" 

"Do you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you. "I'm only here for Joseph. The rest of this is bullshit." 

You smiled at Jacob. He was by far the most vulgar of the brothers but you could definitely get behind his no nonsense personality. Kind of reminded you of your own. 

"You all healed up?" he asked, nodding at your ankle. 

"Yeah, for the most part. Thanks for helping me out by the way. But you know, you could have warned me before you put my shoulder back." 

"And if I had, would you have let me without hesitating?" he asked as he searched your face. You noticed all the brothers had the same beautiful blue eyes. 

"Well, no..." you answered 

"Exactly." Jacob said as he nodded a greeting at someone behind you. 

You whipped around, thinking John had finally made his appearance. Disappointment spread across your face when you saw it was Joseph. He was headed to the front of the church to start his sermon. You looked behind you, scanning the room but didn't see John. With the church doors now closed, it looked like he was going to be a no-show. 

\---

After the service, Jacob offered to drive you back home. You happily agreed; he made you feel much less awkward than Joseph. When you told Joseph of the plan, he seemed disappointed but agreed and parted ways after giving you a light kiss on the forehead. 

Jacob walked you to his truck and climbed into the driver's seat without opening your door like his brothers always did. Truthfully, you didn't expect him to and were happy when he didn't. He was pretty quiet on the way there other than when he asked if you were sick of living with John yet. 

"No, but then again, he's been MIA for four days so it's kind of like living in a mansion by yourself... Just with a shit ton of people you don't know wandering around with guns." 

"Fun. Where the hell is he anyway?" Jacob asked. You assumed he would have known. 

"Joseph said he had some emergency at work or something. I don't know... I woke up one day and he was just gone." 

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it. I think sometimes John just needs to recharge his batteries. He'll get it out of his system soon," Jacob explained. "You hunt?" 

"No. I've never even held a gun before," you told him. He seemed surprised to hear that. 

"Well we're going to have to fix that. I'll take you out sometime for some target practice or something. You must be bored out of your mind in that house." 

Finally, someone understood you. You felt like you had found your spirit animal... Well, in human form. You weren't too sure of the whole hunting thing but you could definitely see yourself hanging out with Jacob. 

"Is it true you train wolves?" you asked him, deciding to find out the truth. 

"Yes." 

"Okay... so that's bad ass. What do you do with them once they're trained?" 

"They're like John's guards you're so fond of. They're there for protection," he said simply. 

"Hmm, well... Jacob Seed, you might be the coolest person I've ever met,' you told him. That was honestly the truth. 

He gave you a quick wink and a chuckle as he pulled into the driveway finally and dropped you off. 

"Behave yourself," he said out the window as he drove off. 

Again? What did this guy think you could possibly do, being confined to a house until your "roommate" decided to show his face again. 

A surge of anger ran through you, thinking about John. You picked up a nearby flower planter and hurled it as far as you could, satisfied when it shattered onto John's meticulously cut grass and knowing he would lose his mind if he saw it.


	10. Chapter 10

Another day rolled around and still no John. At this point, you didn't even check the house for him when you got up. You went through the motions again: coffee, breakfast, dishes, shower and then decided you had had enough of this house and headed out for a walk. Your ankle was now pretty well healed up except for a dull pain here and there. 

When you returned after an hour or so of walking the woods, you saw John pacing the driveway, yelling at one of his guards. When he turned back to pace the other way, he caught sight of you. You could tell from his face that this wasn't going to be good. 

Everything inside of you told you to stand still but you forced yourself over to him. You weren't a push over. 

"Where have you been?" he growled when he was close to you. He grabbed your arms roughly, holding you in place while he continued to yell at you.

"Fuck you, I could ask you the same thing," you spat as you pushed his hands away from you.

"I can leave my house without telling you. It's none of your business." 

"Oh, and I can't?" you scoffed. "I'm not a fucking prisoner here."

John sighed angrily and took a couple steps away from you before returning. He threw his hands in the air dramatically. 

"I've been going crazy trying to find you.. you just wander off without telling anyone? You know there's a reason why these people all have guns, right?" he yelled, pressing his fingers to the spot between his eyes. "What the fuck were you thinking?" 

"I'm thinking I'm a grown ass woman who needed to go for a walk since I'm basically stranded here without anyone to talk to. And besides... maybe it's none of my business but you took off for days. You don't think I was worried about you too?" you screamed back at him. 

He stopped suddenly and looked at you with surprise on his face. "You were worried?" 

"Well, yeah..." you admitted, lowering your voice. 

You watched as his expression softened and he unclenched his fists. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have grabbed you."

"No, you shouldn't have, you jerk," you said with a smile. As short as it was, apparently you just had your first fight. 

"I missed you," he said suddenly, stepping closer. You noticed he looked like he hadn't slept the whole time he was gone. You wanted to place a hand on his cheek but stopped yourself. You had no idea where you stood with him. 

"I missed you too. We.. we need to talk about what happened." 

"I know," he agreed. "Come inside with me?" 

"Okay, but you seriously need to apologize to that poor guy you were yelling at on our way there." 

"Okay, okay my dear.." 

\--- 

After John yelled a half assed apology across the yard and grinned at your eye rolling, you both took a seat in the living room. As John sat down next to you, he swung your legs out and over his lap. You watched as he ran a gentle hand down your ankle and commented on how much the swelling had gone down. When he was done, he didn't push your feet back. This guy was so confusing... You honestly had no idea what he wanted anymore. 

"You look exhausted," you pointed out. 

"Thanks. You really know how to make a guy feel good," he replied without offering an explanation. 

"Seriously though, you don't look like you've slept in days. Where were you?" 

"I just had some things to tend to at the bunker." 

"Bunker?" 

John's face scrunched a bit before he turned back to you and explained that his family had bunkers prepared in case of a major catastrophe. 

"Oh, well I suppose that's a good thing. Better to be prepared. Are you home for awhile now though?" 

John nodded. "Happy?" 

"I'm not sure. That depends on which John Seed I'm going to be around." 

He looked off for a couple minutes before turning his attention back to you. 

"The other night, I owe you an explanation." 

"No you don't. I get it... You were drunk," you said, hoping you weren't right. 

"I would have been all over you even without the wine," he said with a grin before he gazed off again, letting it disappear.

"But...?" 

"Just like I said. Joseph is really strict about stuff like that. I help people in the church confess and atone for their sins. I have to practice what I preach. I slipped up but I can't let that happen again." 

"Unless it's with Holly..." 

"No. That's over," he said as he placed his hands back on your legs. 

"Okay, cause you told me you had to stop because Joseph didn't want you having sex with me specifically." You were so frustrated with his obvious lies at this point. 

"I don't think I said that..." 

"John, for a lawyer, you're a terrible liar," you told him. 

"Look, it's complicated. Joseph just has his eye on you and I can't do that to him. He's my brother." 

So that was it? All because one of them apparently called dibs on you first. This is ridiculous. You were all grown ups for fuck's sake. 

"Your brother is great and I really like him but I'm not interested in him like that... at all. So he'll be waiting a long time if he expects something to materialize," you explained. Even with that being said, you were still angry with him. "And besides, I wasn't asking for a relationship. It was just sex." 

"I knew it, you have a thing for red heads don't you? I'm going to have to send you up to Jacob." 

"Oh my fuck, you're ridiculous," you spat as you swung your legs around and tried to stand. 

John grabbed you by the waist before you got too far and pulled you back down on his lap, straddling him. 

"I wanted to fuck you the second I saw you. I wanted to fuck you the other night and truthfully, this temper of yours is making me want to fuck you even more. But you have to be a good girl and never breath a word of this to Joseph," he said as his eyes pierced through yours. His words were going to be your undoing. You loved his filthy mouth. 

"Never," you promised as you finally relaxed and lowered back on to his thighs. You brought your hands up to his face and ran your fingers lightly through his beard. 

"Cause if you do, I'll find out, you know." 

"And then what will happen?" you asked, pressing your body into his ever so lightly. You felt him start to harden against you. You wanted desperately to move against him but resisted. 

"You don't want to know," he said as his eyes turned dark. 

You tried your best to sit still and wait for him to make the first move but you wanted him so badly, it was proving to be difficult. 

"We can only do this once," he said as you inched forward again. His breath caught in his throat. 

"If that's what you want John." 

"It isn't but it has to be this way," he said as he finally brought his face to your neck, kissing it gently. 

"Okay, but only if we stop talking now..." 

"Agreed," he said between kisses. He was everywhere - your throat, your collar bones and then back to your ears - but he didn't kiss you lips. You wondered if that was a conscious thing. 

"Not here," he said finally as he scooped you up and headed for the stairs.

"I can walk," you protested but he shushed you and continued until he was in the biggest bedroom you had ever seen. It must have been his.

John made his way to the enormous bed in the middle of the room and threw you on it, grabbing for your pants and pulling them off in one fluid motion. You scrambled up the bed backwards but he was on you in a second, and his hands were everywhere. 

When he didn't have access to the parts of you he was trying to get to, he let out a frustrated grunt and pulled impatiently at your clothes. You helped with the shirt and bra while his hands found the waistband of your pink satin panties. As he let them fall to the floor, he knelt in front of you wide eyed.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he muttered as he crawled up your body and took your breasts into his mouth before sucking at them roughly. You let out a low moan and bucked under him, causing him to laugh softly. "You okay?" 

"Mmm hmm," was all you could get out. The way he was grinding into your hips was almost setting you over the edge. You knew you would be getting the front of his pants wet before he finally took them off.

John moved from your breasts and ran his mouth down your stomach. His eyes flashed up to you, watching your face as you reacted to every kiss he gave you. When his mouth finally hovered between your thighs, you reached down to run your hand through his hair, hoping to encourage him to continue. He chose instead to kiss your thighs for a minute first before he moved his hand up and inserted a finger gently into your entrance. You gasped and rocked into his hand, begging him to continue. 

"Fuck, you're so wet," he mumbled into your clit as he finally moved his mouth to the place you desperately wanted him to be. He started off slow and gentle before he heard your whimpers above him and picked up his speed, inserting a second finger in the process. 

"I'm right there..." you told him between moans.

He quickened his pace again after hearing your confession, flicking at you hard with his tongue. You finally felt yourself cum against him and pushed your hips involuntarily off the bed, calling his name. 

He didn't let you up right away but rather continued with a slower pace until you didn't think you could take anymore. You grabbed the sides of his face and made him release you. 

He flashed you a grin as he brought himself up to his knees and undressed quickly, leaving only his boxers. You reached out to pull them off but he was on top of you again before you could. 

"Take those off," you said as you nodded down at him. 

"In a minute." He pressed his lips back to your neck, giving it a light nip before he sucked at it for a minute. Everything he did was amazing. Your thoughts suddenly went to that bitch Holly and how you hated that she would have experienced this side of him. Maybe it was the thought of him with someone else or maybe you were just tired of waiting, but you pushed him off of you and back to the bed. John looked up at you, shocked but he laid back. 

You bent down on top of him, ready to kiss him through his boxers but he stopped you. 

"I won't last," he told you honestly. You debated whether you should just do it anyway but you didn't want things to be over too soon either, especially if this was you first and only time with him.

You didn't say anything in response as you moved your hands down his body. You tugged gently at the waistband before pulling them down slowly. Every inch was a huge tease for you but you could tell already that it was going to be well worth the wait. As you finally pulled the band down to his thighs, you watched happily as his cock sprang free. 

"Come here," he said gently as he pulled you upwards and back on to his lap. "I need to touch you." 

His hands reached up and kneaded your breasts briefly before he moved them down your body and to your hips. His fingers dug into your skin as he tried lowering you down on to him. You resisted a bit, hoping to tease him. After what felt like the longest wait, you were finally ready to be put out of your misery but before you were ready to give in, you decided to lean down and bring your lips to his. He moved one hand from your hips and up to the back of your head, keeping your mouth in place. His kiss seemed so wanting, like he had never been truly kissed before. 

"Anyone home?" 

You both froze, staring at one another in horror when you recognized Joseph's voice from downstairs.


	11. Chapter 11

"What do we do?" you asked John as you looked down from on top of him. 

"I don't think he knows I'm home yet... You'll have to go. I can't like this." He nodded down at his erection. 

"Okay, stay quiet. I'll try to get rid of him," you said as you climbed off of him and raced around the room, picking up your clothes. 

"Hello?" Joseph called out again. 

"Just sec," you called back as you opened the door and poked your head out. "I'm in my pajamas." 

You didn't wait for a response as you threw on your clothes. John sat in the bed with an amused look on his face. 

"It's not funny," you spat.

"I know, you're just cute when you're flustered," he whispered back. 

You threw his shirt at him, causing him to put his hands up in surrender. 

Once you were dressed and you smoothed your hair down, you made your way downstairs. Joseph was waiting for you in the living room. 

"Is everything alright?" Joseph asked. "I heard you rushing around up there." 

"I'm sorry. I was just taking a nap and it was super hot in here so I... I'm kind of embarrassed to say this.. I was sleeping in just my underwear. I didn't want you to see me like that so I was running around like a mad woman, throwing my clothes on." 

Joseph chuckled. "Don't be embarrassed, you're allowed to sleep however you want. I'm sorry to intrude on your sleep, I was just going to see if you wanted to take a drive."

You thought about that for a moment. If you did, John would have the opportunity to get dressed and say he had just gotten home when you returned. But then that might cause more problems too since you'd have to act like you were just seeing him for the first time. You had no idea what to do. 

"That's sweet of you to offer but, I hate to do this, but I'm just not feeling the best today. Can we plan for another day maybe?" 

Joseph nodded and told you it was no problem at all. You decided the polite thing to do at least was to walk him to the door. When he finally turned to say good bye, you noticed him staring at your neck. Suddenly, you realized John had probably left a mark there. Panic set in but you tried to act casual. 

"Thanks again, have a safe drive home ok?" 

"Is John home yet?" he asked coldly, avoiding your comments. 

You thought of telling him "no" at first but then you knew you'd both be in serious hot water if he found out somehow that he was.

"Yes, he came home earlier today. I think he might be out by the airstrip... He stormed off when I called him out on just leaving like he did," you lied. You thought it sounded reasonable but Joseph still hadn't taken his eyes from your neck. You noticed him clenching his teeth beneath his beard. You cleared your throat and placed a hand on the door, hinting for him to leave. 

"I hope you feel better shortly," he said, finally pulled from his daze. He turned quickly and walked off. 

\--- 

"How did it go?" John asked as you entered his room again. He was sitting in the middle of the bed but was now fully clothed. 

"Well, he knows..." 

"Why the hell would you tell him?" he snapped at you. 

"I'm not an idiot. I didn't say a word... I told him you were home earlier today but that we had a fight and you stormed off." 

"He didn't buy it?" he asked 

"Well, no. It's kind of hard to convince him when I'm wearing this," you said, pointing to your neck. You had checked the bathroom mirror before coming back upstairs and were mortified at the size of the bright red mark he had left behind. 

"Shit," John said quietly. 

"Yeah." You laid back on the bed next to him. "What do we do now?" 

"Did he seem angry?" 

"Uhh, yeah. Just a bit.." you told him, deciding not to sugar coat it. 

John sighed and rolled back on the bed next to you. He didn't say anything for a long while and neither did you. You were both trying to find a solution to your obvious problem. 

"I don't know why we can't just tell him. I'll try letting him down easy," you suggested finally. 

"It's not like that." 

"Okay, but it's not like this terrible betrayal like you're making it out to be. I can see if Joseph and I were together and then I cheated on him with you or even just slept with you after he and I broke up. He can't just call dibs on me like that and expect everyone else to leave me alone just because he said so." 

"Look, I know you could never understand but Joseph thinks it's God's plan that your here and he thinks you're here for him. He feels so strongly about it. He's going to be furious with me," John said as he ran his hands through his hair. 

You crawled over to him and put your head on his chest, watching the same surprised look he got every time you did anything affectionate towards him. When he didn't move, you brought your face close to his and tried to kiss him. He pulled away quickly. 

"I can't," he whispered. 

You pulled back and crawled off the bed. The sting of rejection hit you hard. John jumped up and ran after you as you headed for the stairs. He grabbed your hand before you could make your getaway. 

"I need to talk to him first. I need to at least own up to what happened here and see where his head is, okay?" he tried reasoning with you. 

"Do whatever you want. This whole situation is so fucked up, John. I don't want to cause problems for your family, I really don't. I'm sorry for all of this," you told him truthfully. You did feel bad for all of this, as hurt as you were. "I'm going to go to my room, I just need some time alone." 

John let go of your arm and nodded, watching you head downstairs.


	12. Chapter 12

The next few days were a bit awkward. You and John were polite to one another but the playful teasing you once shared was gone. He didn't mentioned whether he had spoken with Joseph yet and you didn't ask. 

Joseph hadn't come around the ranch either and you hadn't heard John on the radio with him at all. You knew that whatever you might have had with John, no matter how brief, was over. You also knew you should probably ask him to take you home but something kept stopping you. You decided to give yourself another day or two in hopes of gaining some clarity. 

"You're not scarfing down your pancakes like you normally do," John observed. 

"You make it sound like I swollow them without chewing." 

"Well..." 

"You're such an ass sometimes," you said as you shovelled part of your pancakes in your mouth and made exaggerated chewing motions. 

John laughed. And then you laughed. It had been the first time either of you had since Joseph's visit. 

"I want you to stay here," John said once you both caught your breath. It caught you off guard. 

"I am here," you reasoned. 

"I mean... I know you want to go home. I think you should stay here instead." 

You looked down at your plate and moved the rest of your pancakes from one side of the plate to the other. You weren't sure what to say. 

"I have no place to stay. I don't even have a job," you told him. All facts he already knew of course. 

"Things are getting busier for me with work. I was going to look for an assistant anyway, you could save me the trouble." 

"I'm not going to be your pity assistant," you said, laughing a bit at the ridiculousness of it. 

"You'd be perfect. You're organized, you know how to cook and you don't mind telling me to fuck myself," he grinned. 

"No, that's all true. Especially the last part. There's seriously no way I'm letting you pay me for some job you just made up to help me out though." 

John took a seat next to you at the counter and placed hand on your arm, forcing you to turn towards him. 

"I'm telling you the truth. Joseph has me busy with the church, I have baptisms and confessions... And then the legal stuff that's kind of my actual job. Everything is getting to be too much. I've needed someone to help me for a long time but in case it's not obvious, I have some real trust issues. I wasn't just going to let someone I didn't know or trust into my home. But I trust you and you're living here anyway..." he tried convincing you. When you stared blankly back at you, he continued. "Do you know you're the only person whose been in my room?" 

"Oh c'mon..." That was hard to believe.

"Seriously." 

"Not even Holly?" you asked. Your jealousy for this woman was getting a little out of hand. 

John gave you a look but you didn't say anything. "Not even Holly." 

That seemed odd to you. At first you thought about where they could possibly be having sex but then you forced that image out of your head as you felt your blood pressure start to spike. You thought about what he said for a minute and decided he might be telling the truth. What other reason would he have? 

"Swear to God you actually need someone?" you asked, deciding to play a little dirty and bring his faith into it. 

"Swear to God. It would be a good thing for me." 

"What would you need me to do?" you asked. 

"Well, I never get home in time to make dinner myself so we could start there." 

"I do that now anyway," you reminded him.

"Yes, and you shouldn't be doing it for free. You don't owe me anything. I'd need some help organizing my schedule and some paperwork. Would that be okay?" 

"I can do that. You need to help me find a place to live though. I mean, if you don't mind. I'm not sure where to start."

"What's wrong with here?" he asked, a look of rejection on his face. 

"I mean... I haven't had this kind of job before but I'm pretty sure assistants don't live at their boss's house." Besides, maybe he was over the whole thing that just happened but knowing he was upstairs in that bed alone every night was keeping you awake. 

"We'll talk about that later," he said as he started the dishes. You tried to bring it up again but he told you to finish your breakfast. 

"No welcoming committee around here or what?" you heard from the front door. 

"There's a doorbell," John said to Jacob when he entered the kitchen. 

"He's grouchy," Jacob said to you. You nodded in agreement. "Ready for our date?" 

John whipped around, nearly dropping a glass in the process. You decided to play this up a bit. You weren't sure if it was because you wanted to make him jealous or because he was so easy to get going. 

"Absolutely. Don't keep me waiting so long next time," you said as you slapped Jacob on the arm. He grinned at you and then waved back to John as you led him to the front door. 

You turned to see John stare at you with a dark look. You smiled at him before you turned to Jacob and looped your arm in his. 

\--- 

"Not even close," Jacob laughed as you missed yet another target. 

"Cut me some slack, I've never fired one of these before. Besides, you could have picked a bigger target for me to practice on, ya know?" you said, nodding at the tin cans he had set up on an old picket fence. 

"I've shot moving targets from over a mile away. There's no reason why you can't hit that," he told you smugly. "You're pressing down on the trigger too quick, it's putting the gun out of alignment." 

You nodded and took aim again, using his tip. This time, the bullet made contact. You jumped up and tried high fiving Jacob but he didn't uncross his arms. 

"Better," he said simply. You figured that was as good a compliment as you were going to get. "Again." 

You raised the gun again, lining up the next target. You did as Jacob instructed earlier and took a deep breath, ready to shoot on the exhale. 

"So how long have you and John been fucking?" he asked suddenly, causing you to miss your shot. You turned to him quickly to see him smirking back at you. "You missed." 

"Well, yeah. Where did that come from?" 

He nodded to your neck. The mark had lightened but it was apparently still noticeable. 

"We're not," you said as you turned back to the target, hoping he wouldn't have any follow up questions. 

"Well even if it wasn't for that hickey, the look he gave me alone when I came to pick you up was enough of a give away." 

"It's complicated," you said, handing him the gun. You decided you'd had enough practice for the day. 

"Sex isn't complicated. John preaches about resisting lust and all that but I know he doesn't buy into it." 

"I know, he already told me about Holly," you said, hating the fact that you were saying her name again. 

"That poor girl. She's head over heels for him and he couldn't give two shits." 

That made you feel a bit better. He told you he had ended whatever he had with her but you didn't know if you believed that. It seemed so convenient. You didn't understand why he would make up an excuse though... It wasn't like he was trying to date you. Like Jacob said, it wasn't complicated... It was just sex. 

"Truthfully though, we haven't. Your brother keeps cock blocking us." 

"How so?" He looked genuinely confused. 

"I shouldn't even be telling you this... this is probably making you uncomfortable," you said before you noticed the 'oh c'mon, do I look like I care' look on his face.

"John said he can't cause Joseph called dibs on me or something already. He feels like loyalty to him that I can't get him to see past."

Jacob had a sudden look of realization on his face. He didn't say anything but he nodded. 

"What is it?" you asked. He shook his head. "Seriously, you look like you swallowed the canary... what aren't you telling me?" 

"Holy fuck kid, you don't stop do you?" he said as he plunked down on the ground and stretched out his legs. "You better keep your mouth shut about this." 

"I will," you promised him as you sank down on the grass next to him. 

"Joseph had this girl that he was crazy for, for a long time. She helps out with the church and stuff in the east... recruits followers, maintains bliss crops, that kind of thing. She has always been devoted to Joseph, kind of obsessive even but lately, things aren't working out. He's looking for someone to take over her spot because if she leaves, there will be a lot of responsibilities not being filled. More than that though, I know he sees you the same way John probably does. It's a rebound for him at least. Why not just replace the girl he's with, with a new one? So it's more than just him wanting you... John knows it would jeopardize everything Joseph's been working so hard for the past few years if he distracted you from what Joseph hopes is your new place in the family." 

"That's fucked up. But I can see why it would cause more problems for John. By the way, what the hell are bliss crops?" 

"It's this plant that's kind of like... Well it's a drug but it's natural. Helps some of the followers take the edge off." 

"Like pot?" you asked. You supposed it didn't matter but it seemed weird that a church would be dealing drugs to their congregation. 

"Yeah, sure. I should get you back though before John has a hissy fit. He's probably already pissed off about the muddy footprints I left on his floor." 

You laughed at the thought of that but knew it was one hundred percent accurate.


	13. Chapter 13

"I'm home," you called from the front door after Jacob had dropped you off. He said he didn't have time to stop in to visit John but to say hi. "John?" 

You listened for a minute but didn't hear anything. His car was in the driveway so you knew he must be home. You peeked around the first floor but he was no where to be found. You decided to head upstairs to check on him. You kind of felt bad about how you left earlier. You knew, as much as he would never admit, that John was sensitive. 

You walked by the open door to the bathroom and then his bedroom but he wasn't there. You were just about to turn and go back downstairs when you heard his voice from his office. You had never seen him in there before so you hadn't thought to check for him there. Taking a step closer, you stopped when you heard a familiar voice. She was thanking John "for everything". He said something in response but you couldn't make it out. Before you had a chance to press your ear to the door, it suddenly opened. You put your fist up instantly, as if you had been in the process of knocking. 

"Oh my God," you shrieked with mock surprise. "You scared the shit out of me!" 

The pretty girl at the door placed a hand on your shoulder apologetically, asking if you were okay. 

"Yes, sorry. I was just about to knock and then the door opened. Phew, my heart!" You weren't sure if you were over playing it but the girl seemed to be buying it. She peeked back at John who leaned against his desk with his ankles crossed and an amused look on his face. 

"I'm sorry, I'll leave you guys alone. It's nice to see you again, Holly." 

Lies, all lies. She tried telling you she was just heading out but you were already half way down the stairs. You didn't stop at your room but ran out the door and down the path you normally took for your walks. When you got to the pond (which was now your favorite place to relax) you sank down into the grass and threw your fists into the dirt. 

"Fucking, fucking, fucking bastard," you screamed, standing up and pacing wildly. 

You leave for a couple hours and he already has his dick wet? As far as you were concerned, if you had to abstain from sex and suffer because of him, than he should to. But it was more than that really... As much as you hated to admit it, you were growing some real feelings for him. You took a deep breath and sat back down, trying to calm down. You refused, under any and all circumstances to let him see you like this. 

After what left like an hour of laying there, watching the clouds, you heard a rustle in the brush behind you. At this point, you really didn't care if a bear decided to eat you so you stayed where you were but shifted your eyes upwards. John emerged from the trees. 

He sat next to you, without a word. You turned your attention back to the clouds. After a minute, he pushed back to the ground and laid with you. Normally the lack of distance between you would be sending a familiar tingle through your body but all you could think of was reaching over and choking him. 

"Did you have a good time with Jake?" he finally asked. 

"Yeah, I did." You wanted to ask if he had a good time plowing Holly but you bit your tongue.

"What did you guys do?" he asked, watching your face. 

"He took me shooting." 

"Typical," he said but then things went silent between you again. 

You honestly had no idea what to say to him. It wasn't any of your business and he didn't owe you an explanation in the least. But you knew he could sense your anger too so you couldn't just pretend like nothing had happened. You finally decided to turn your face to his; he had been staring at you for awhile now. When you met eyes, he smiled.

"You're a terrible actress," he said, smirking. 

"I don't know what you mean," you tried to deny what had happened. 

"Yes, you do." 

You looked back to the sky, unsure of how to respond. "I should head back." 

You pulled yourself to your feet, putting your flip flops back on and headed to the trees. You heard John follow close behind you but you didn't look back. 

"You're sexy when you're mad," he called after you. 

"I don't know what you mean," you called back, keeping your gaze straight ahead. 

You kept walking briskly until you were close to the hangar where John stored his plane. The massive door was open, showing off the machine inside. 

"I didn't fuck her," he finally yelled to you. He had lost speed during the walk and was just catching up. You stopped and turned to him. 

"You talk about me being a bad liar?" 

"I didn't say you were a bad liar. I said you were a bad actress..." he corrected you. 

"Listen, it's none of my business what you do. Fuck her whenever you want." 

You turned to walk away again but he grabbed your arm. John pulled you a bit closer and made unbreakable eye contact with you. 

"She needed supplies. Her family's farm isn't doing well and they're running out of money. She didn't know where else to go," he explained. You searched his eyes for a bit of untruth but didn't see any. "I swear on my family's lives, nothing happened." 

"Okay. But again, it's not my business," you told him again. You felt yourself starting to calm down finally. 

"You looked like you were ready to put her head through my office door," John said with that smile... that fucking smile, that did you in every time. "You know what your temper does to me." 

John grabbed your hands and pulled you into the hangar. When you were around the corner and away from the guards, he pushed you into the corner and pressed his body against yours. 

"We can't..." you started but his lips were on yours before you could finish. He frantically pulled at the button on your jeans. "John..."

"I don't care anymore. Joseph can fucking deal with it. We both need this," he said decisively as he finally figured out your button and had your jeans off. He got to work on his own. 

"You sure?" you asked, still unsure if this was just going to end half way through again. 

"Yes," was all he said in response. 

Before you could move, he had you both undressed from the waist down and picked you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he balanced your weight with his hands, pushing you into the wall. There was no foreplay this time but neither of you needed it. John pushed up into you quickly and harder than you had expected. You gasped at the sudden pressure but got used to his size quickly which was good because he didn't stop for a second to ease you into it. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, digging your finger tips into them and putting your lips anywhere you could. John was too busy at your neck to kiss you back. 

"Don't leave a mark," you panted into his ear as he thrust into you quickly. 

"I don't care. I want him to know you're mine," he said between breaths, finally bringing his lips to yours. 

There was nothing sexier than hearing those words in that moment. You tried desperately to hold back but ultimately they were your undoing. You clenched around his cock as you came and moaned loud enough for anyone nearby to hear. 

"Oh my God... " You sighed as you relaxed a bit from your orgasm. 

John smiled up at you as his movements got rougher. His fingers dug into your hips and he hammered away at a mind-blowing pace. You couldn't stop yourself from screaming out again. 

He clapped a hand over your mouth but let go quickly when he reached his own peak, pushing you further into the corner and kissing you hard. You felt his body shudder against yours before he finally slowed. 

When he released you, you both stood on shaky legs, grinning like a bunch of idiots.


	14. Chapter 14

"So when am I starting this job by the way?" you asked as you shovelled your cereal into your mouth. John stood on the opposite side of the counter, making you both some coffee. 

The day before in the hangar had come to you as a complete surprise, but definitely a welcomed one. You both spent the rest of the day in John's bed until you were both exhausted from catching up on missed time and you made your way downstairs to your own bed. You weren't in a relationship so you didn't think it was appropriate to intrude on his space. 

"How about after I make this coffee for you? Then you can take over." 

"I'm your assistant, not your servant. You can continue to be on coffee duty," you told him as you pushed your bowl towards him. "More milk too please?" 

"What am I paying you for?" John asked as he refilled your bowl. 

"You haven't yet," you reminded him. 

"Touche," he said between sips. He passed your usual mug over to you. 

"When do I get to see your bunker?" 

"Why would you want to see that?" he asked, leaning across the counter. 

"Because, something there was apparently important enough to keep you away for four days so now I'm curious what it looks like. Is it big?" 

"Yes. It's big enough for me and a couple dozen people. And the reason I was there was because the air filtration system died and the people I have fixing it are incompetent" 

"Hmm, well now I really want to see it. Is it like an underground city? It must be huge. Wait.. if the end of the world comes, will you still need an assistant?" you rambled on. 

"Definitely. Finish up quick though okay? We have service in an hour," John said casually as he dumped out the rest of his coffee and headed out of the room. 

"Wait.. today?" you asked. That was quick. "Can I wear jeans?"

"No, but there are more clothes in your dresser," he called down as he headed upstairs. 

"Thanks!" you called back, wondering when the hell he had put them in there. 

\---

You decided on a lilac coloured dress, similar to your other one. This one had buttons down the front and a satin belt that flattered your figure. The sleeves were short like the other one but this one hung a tiny bit lower. You slipped your feet into your heels and brushed your hair, deciding to leave it down in hopes of covering your new marks, courtesy of John and his needy mouth. 

John met you out by the front door, wearing his typical black jeans, button down shirt and vest. When you neared him, he ran his eyes over your body before pushing you gently into the wall, pressing his lips on yours. 

"We don't have time," you told him, as much as you wanted to. 

"You just look... I just want to rip that off of you." 

"There will be time later," you told him. You ran your hands down his chest, tracing his scars with your thumb. 

"You're right, come on then," he agreed before giving you a quick kiss. 

\--- 

Your stomach knotted when John finally pulled into the compound, you were nervous to see Joseph. You were happy that John finally grew a set but at the same time, you were worried you might have caused a rift between them. 

John opened your door for you, as was his norm, and took your hand. You were genuinely surprised that he did; you wouldn't have blamed him if he didn't. 

As you neared the church, you saw the normal crowd of people outside waiting for Joseph to arrive. You recognized a lot of them from the previous service, including Holly. You suddenly felt very smug as you glanced down at John's hand in yours, even though you knew the poor girl had never been anything but nice to you. As you neared, she smiled brightly at John before her eyes trailed down. A moment of realization hit her and her smile disappeared. 

As you went through the crowd, a few of them greeted you but mostly they all stared at you and John. 

"Have you never brought your fuck buddy to church before?" you asked him when you reached your usual pew and sat down. 

"No," he said before he thought of something else. "Is that what you think you are?" 

"Aren't I?" 

"No, I told you.. you're mine," he said. 

Normally it would bother you when a guy was that possessive but it made you happy to hear him say it even though you weren't sure if that meant you were now in a relationship or not. 

"Isn't that a work conflict?" you teased. 

"We'll discuss that later," he winked at you. You gripped his hand tighter. 

A wave of voices entered the church behind you. You noticed everyone was piling into the pews. Jacob moved through the crowd quickly and took a seat next to you. He didn't say anything until he noticed your hand in John's. 

"Called it," he said, leaning back in the pew. 

"Yeah, yeah... Soak it up. Listen, can you take me to see the wolves soon?" 

Jacob didn't move in his seat but tilted his head to you. He seemed caught off guard that you had asked. 

"How much do you know about them?" he asked. 

"Uhh, just what you've told me I guess." You weren't sure what he was getting at. 

"Alright, cause they're pretty hot tempered. But if you want to, I'll take ya." 

"Just like someone else we know," you said, nodding in John's direction. Jacob chuckled. 

"My brothers and sisters, thank you for joining us again today," Joseph started his sermon at the front of the church. You hadn't even seen him come in. 

He talked today about the usual stuff but then he mentioned how important family was and how the bonds should be honoured. You couldn't help but wonder if he was saying that for John's benefit. What a petty bitch, you thought. 

At the end of the sermon, Joseph led the congregation to the door, shaking hands and embracing them as they left. You followed closely behind Jacob and John, more nervous now than before. Joseph thanked Jacob for coming and pressed his forehead to his before Jacob disappeared back into the crowd. You watched as he pushed people out of the way and headed to his truck.

"It's nice to see you both here," he said to John before turning his attention to you. "Did you enjoy the sermon?" 

"Yes, you did a great job as always," you said as politely as you could. You smiled at him but he didn't return it. 

"John, do you have a few moments to speak privately?" he asked as he turned his attention to his brother. 

John looked down at you but you told him you would be okay. You'd try to catch up with Jacob. He nodded and told you he would be out as quickly as he could. You watched as they went inside and Joseph closed the doors behind him. That wasn't a good sign. 

You scanned the crowd for Jacob but noticed he was already in his truck, pulling away. Well, fuck. Scanning the area for a bench or something to sit on while you waited for John, you noticed Holly standing to the side of a small group of women. She started towards you when your eyes met hers. This day was just getting better by the minute.

"Hi," she greeted you as she approached. She seemed nervous. "Do you have a couple minutes to talk?" 

Not really, you wanted to tell her but really, what else were you going to do. You nodded in response. 

"I don't know how to start this... the other day when I scared you at John's.." she trailed off. You hated the way she said his name. You gritted your teeth but forced a smile. 

"No problem, you just kick started my heart," you said with a fake laugh. 

"Oh, no... I wasn't going to say that. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea. It must have been a shock to you to see another woman in his home." 

"Truthfully, it normally wouldn't but seeing as how you guys have a history and all... "

"He told you about that?" She seemed surprised. "Well, it's over now anyway. Nothing happened when I was there, I swear. He was just helping me with a bit of a family issue." 

"He said that. It's no problem... We weren't together then, or now... I'm not even sure," you said, shaking your head. Holly laughed a bit and seemed to loosen up. 

"Oh, I just assumed you were. I think it was the day after you moved in that he told me to leave him alone, so I figured you guys were hooking up. Listen..." she said quietly, looking around. "I shouldn't say this and I hope you don't take this badly... I don't know how much you know about what's going on here but just be careful around John okay?" 

"What do you mean? Did he do something to you?" You would normally just brush it off as her trying to scare you away from him but she seemed genuinely shook. 

"Oh, no... nothing like that but, he's a charmer. The person he puts out there, it isn't all of him. He has a hard time controlling himself sometimes." 

This whole thing was so cryptic. You wished she would just say what she wanted to say but she seemed to be afraid of John. Sure, he had a temper but you couldn't see him doing anything that would deserve this kind of reaction. 

"Okay, you need to give me more than that. What do you mean?" you pressed her again to spit it out. 

"Fuck. I can't. He would never forgive me if he knew. Just... If something doesn't feel right, trust your gut." she said quickly and took off. 

You didn't know whether to chalk this up to jealousy or if she was a little loopy, but her words stuck with you. She hadn't been the first to reference his temper; his brothers had warned you too. You sat on a nearby bench and played her words over in your mind again. Were you really that blind that you didn't see what everyone else did?


	15. Chapter 15

"C'mon, let's go home," John said when he finally found you outside waiting for him. He didn't say as much but you could tell from the look on his face that his talk with Joseph hadn't gone well. 

You stood, watching him carefully. You wanted to ask him what happened but you figured he would tell you if he wanted you to know. As you neared the car and John opened the door for you, you turned back to the church, feeling someone's eyes on your back. Joseph stood motionless in the doorway, watching you. John turned to see what you were looking at and when he noticed his brother, he wrapped an arm around you possessively before helping you to your seat. His eyes didn't leave Joseph's the entire time he walked in front of the car and to the driver's seat. 

When you were down the road a couple miles, you finally decided to ask him about it. You knew it wasn't your business but the curiosity was killing you. 

"Is he pissed?" 

"Yes," John said quickly. 

"What did you tell him?" you asked again. 

"I told him what happened, which he wasn't surprised about. He told me he forgave me for my mistake and that we could put it behind us," he explained, his eyes never leaving the road. 

"Well that's good right? I figured he would take it a lot harder than that," you said, relieved. 

"I told him it wasn't a mistake and that I didn't intend to stop," he said as he finally looked at you. "He's no longer so forgiving." 

"Oh. John, if this is going to cause problems..." 

He pulled over on the side of the road, killing the engine and shifting his body to face you. 

"Why are you still here?" he asked suddenly. 

"You asked me to stay," you told him. The question threw you off guard. 

"And that's all?" 

"Well... No. I want to be here." 

"Why?" he asked with a serious expression. 

"I don't know what you're getting at. Are you mad at me?" 

"No. But you have free will. You can leave whenever you want and yet you're still here... with me. I want to know why," he said, raising his voice slightly. You could tell he was getting impatient. 

"Because I care about you. I want to be with you. Is that a problem?" you said defensively. 

John watched your face as you explained. When you were done, his expression softened slightly but his eyes still pierced through yours intensely. 

"You don't even know me," he told you. 

"No, I guess not fully but I know enough. Why the hell am I on trial here anyway?" 

"Because everyone is afraid of me and yet here you are. I'm starting to think maybe Joseph was right and that you're staying for selfish purposes," he spat. You couldn't believe his demeanor had changed so quickly. Just a few minutes ago, he was saying that he told Joseph he was going to continue your relationship but now, here he was accusing you of using him. 

"Fuck Joseph," you yelled. You had finally had enough of this. "He told me about your childhood and he told me that you don't think you deserve love from anyone anymore, did you know that? Maybe that's why you're so surprised that I have feelings for you, I dunno. But what I do know is that I see a good and kind man when I look at you, even through your flaws and I want to touch you and sleep with you, and just... be happy with you. I'm not doing these things for any other reason. You deserve some affection and caring in your life and I want to give that to you. I want to. As far as I'm concerned, your brother is acting like a fucking child. If he cared about you at all, he wouldn't be using your insecurities against you." 

You let out a deep breath and threw yourself back in the seat. You were beyond pissed at this point, both at Joseph for pulling this shit and at John for doubting you. You could still see John out of the corner of your eye, still turned to you, staring. You waited a long moment but when he didn't say anything, you tilted your head to face him, ready to fight it out with him again. 

"I don't deserve it," he said quietly. 

"Yes, you do. I had a miserable childhood too John but at some point you need to leave that behind and learn to trust people again. You need to let go of that anger." 

John didn't respond but was on you in a second, pushing you back towards the car door. He pressed his lips to yours roughly, not letting you up for air. You tried pushing up a bit to adjust your body under him but he pressed down on you with all his weight. You could feel him hardening against your thighs and realized he was going to fuck you here on the side of the road for everyone to see. 

John's hands were under your dress and ripping at the thin fabric of your panties before you could stop him. He held you down as he reached for his zipper. 

"John, not here," you panted but he quieted you again with his lips. His tongue pushed into your mouth, exploring it thoroughly. 

Before you could protest again, you felt him enter you roughly. You let out a low whimper at the slight pain it caused. You tried relaxing, allowing your body to adjust to him.

"John, please..." you started but your words were cut off by your own moans. 

He growled into your ear before he drew his mouth down to your neck and bit at your skin. You couldn't help yourself - you let out a string of non-coherant sounds as you pushed your hips sharply back towards him. 

"Please, what?" he whispered, finally taking his mouth from your neck. 

"Don't stop..." you breathed. "Please..." 

John didn't disappoint. He pushed you further into the seat and grabbed at your legs, bringing your hips closer to his as he thrust deeply. His pace was unpredictable; he would slow down and wait for you to near your climax before speeding up and sending you off course. The only thing that was consistent was how hard he was fucking you. It was uncomfortable but honestly the best thing you had ever felt at the same time. When he decided to slow to a steady pace, you knew you couldn't hold on any longer. You wrapped your arms and legs around him tightly as you came hard on his cock. He smiled and let out a satisfied groan when he realized what was happening. It didn't take long for him to cum shortly after. 

John sat up and helped pull you from the contorted position he had put you in. 

"You wait til I get you home," he said threateningly.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to read some more of my smut, I just added a new one shot where you're in a relationship with both John and Jacob and end up having a threesome. I couldn't resist ;)

"You like it rough, don't you?" he asked you as he ripped at your clothing. 

When you had gotten home, John had pulled you from the truck and upstairs to his room. When the door was closed, his hands were on you in an instant, grabbing at your breasts roughly and pulling at the buttons on your dress. 

You were kind of embarrassed that he was asking you. You had always enjoyed rough sex but it wasn't something you talked about openly. Your felt your cheeks redden as you looked down at the floor. John stopped tearing at your dress and lifted your face with both hands, bringing your eyes to his. He leaned in until he was inches from your face. 

"Don't you?" he repeated. 

"Yes," you said low enough that it was almost a whisper. 

"Will you submit to me?" he asked, eyes still on yours. You nodded. "Good girl. Don't move." 

You watched as John went over to his nightstand and pulled out a length of thick rope. He returned to you and undid the last button on your dress before he let it fall to the floor. He quickly had your bra on the floor next to it. 

You tried reaching for him but he grabbed your wrist and shook his head. "I told you not to move." 

Holy fuck, he was sexy when he was bossing you around. You were ready to cum right then and there. John made his way behind you, inspecting you appreciatively as he went, wearing that smile that you loved so much. When he disappeared from your line of sight, you forced yourself to stand still and be patient. After a long agonizing minute, he grabbed your arms and pulled them roughly behind your back, looping the rope around your wrists tightly. You were sure you'd have indentations there later. 

"Tell me you want my cock," he instructed as he leaned into your ear. His breath sent a shiver through your body. 

"I want it... desperately. Please, John."

"Please, what?" 

"Please fuck me," you begged. 

"Not yet," he said as he walked around you. He kept his eyes on yours this time. "You haven't earned it." 

You watched eagerly as he undressed fully, throwing his clothes to a nearby arm chair. When he noticed your eyes on him, he grabbed you and forced you down to your knees before he cupped your cheeks with one hand, forcing your lips to pucker.

"Open," he ordered as he pressed his cock to your lips. 

You did as he asked, letting him trust roughly into your mouth. He gave you some time to get used to his length before he finally pushed all of it into your mouth, pushing against the back of your throat. You gagged slightly. When you raised your eyes to look at him, he was smiling. 

John kept a hand on the back of your head as he pulled out slightly and rammed back into your mouth, over and over; each time making you whimper. He continued for a couple minutes before he pulled back on your hair and forced you off of him. You knew he was probably getting close. John never liked for things to end quickly. 

"Up," he said as he moved away from you and sat on the bed. You pushed yourself up awkwardly and stood in front of him, waiting for his next instructions. You knew you probably shouldn't be enjoying this but you couldn't stop your body from responding. You were more than happy doing whatever John Seed wanted you to do. 

"Come here," he said finally as he pulled you to him and turned you around, bringing you down so you were laying across his lap. "Do you want a safety word?" 

You shook your head. You knew it was probably a good idea to have one but you trusted that John wouldn't actually hurt you. 

"I'll be gentle," he said as you felt his hand come down on your ass. It stung a bit but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle. "More?" 

You nodded at him wordlessly, waiting for the next contact. He brought his hand down again in the same spot. That one hurt a bit. 

"More?" he asked again. You kind of wished he would just continue but where you didn't want a safety word, you figured maybe he was worried he would do something you didn't want. You nodded again.

This time, John rubbed your reddened skin lightly before coming down on it again with a loud snap. You jumped slightly in his lap, pushing your face into the mattress. A low moan escaped his lips from above you. You grinned, knowing he was enjoying this was much as you. 

After two more hard slaps, this time on the other side, John told you he couldn't take anymore and lifted you up before pushing the front half of you face first into the bed with your feet still on the floor. You tried keeping your balance while lifting your neck a bit to get into a more comfortable position but he pushed down on the back of your head with one hand as he grabbed your hip with the other. You suddenly felt the familiar sting as he thrust into you without warning. 

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked as he panted away behind you. 

"Yes," you said quietly. 

"What was that?" he asked again as he slapped at the raw skin on your behind.

"Yes!" you screamed this time. 

John growled behind you as you felt him cum inside of you. He kept his hands on your hips as he came down from the high, finally pulling you back off the bed. 

"Don't think I forgot about you," he assured you as he reached behind you and undid your restraints. 

John brought your wrists to his lips and kissed at the indentations gently. He pushed himself back on the bed, bringing you with him. When he laid down, you weren't sure where he wanted you but he quickly answered by pulling you up by your thighs, all the way to his face. 

"Relax," he told you as he pushed your hips down so your knees were on either side of his face. You lowered down against his mouth. 

You were so self conscious of being on display like this but when you felt him sucking lightly at your clit, you gave in and melted against him. He was much more gentle this time, running his tongue up and down your skin before going back to your clit. The starting and stopping was driving you insane. 

"John..." 

"Ready to cum for me?" he asked with his mouth still against you. 

"I'm so close..." you moaned. 

You felt him smile against you as he quickened his pace, bringing you to orgasm. You rocked against his mouth as you braced yourself against the wall. When you finally relaxed, you climbed off of him and laid back on the bed. John rolled over and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you as close to him as he could. He brought your mouth to his and kissed you.

"Happy?" he finally asked as he gazed over at you. 

"Very." 

John smiled and gave you another quick kiss before he rested his cheek on your forehead. Normally you both would have laid next to one another for a bit and then you would have left for your room but today, he kept your in his arms for the first time. He nuzzled your face into his neck and kissed as his skin before you felt yourself fall asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hi beautiful," John said as you finally woke from your nap. You were still wrapped up in his arms. 

"Hey," you smiled back at him. 

"How's your ass?" 

"It's fine," you lied. "I could have definitely taken more." 

John's eyes grew dark again. You could tell his mind was racing with things he could do to you.

"I'll remember that," He bent down and kissed you before pulling back slightly, still with his arm around you. 

You leaned back into him and traced the scars on his body. It always saddened you to think of someone mistreating him. 

"John?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Do you doubt my intentions for being here?" you asked him, referring to the fight you had in the car. 

"No. I shouldn't have let him in my head. It's just been awhile since I had someone like you in my life," he said. 

"A while?" 

"Never..." he admitted. 

"You've never had a girlfriend before?" you said before you could stop yourself. You definitely didn't mean to place a label on things. "I mean... Not saying I am. I just meant maybe you had..."

"You're so easy to embarrass," he said in amusement. "And no, never." 

You were going to ask why but you had a good idea. Poor John just couldn't see his worth. 

"I have to go away for a few days," he said, changing the subject. 

"Oh," you said, trying to hide the disappointment from your face. "Do you have to go back to the bunker?" 

"I normally split my time between here and there but I've been neglecting my responsibilities lately... I need to make sure it's ready for everyone." 

"No, no. I get it," you told him. 

"You're going to miss me aren't you?" he said, winking at you. 

"Of course," you said sadly. 

John's joking smile disappeared. He wrapped you in his arms again and held you close. 

\--- 

After laying around for a bit, just enjoying your cuddles, you told John you wanted to get out of the house and do something fun. 

"Like what?" 

"I don't know... Maybe we could go in town or something?" you suggested. 

"I have a better idea. Get dressed," he told you as he jumped out of his side of bed and threw his clothes on. You laid in bed for a minute, admiring his body while you could. 

"Up," he said again. 

You dragged yourself out of bed slowly and got dressed, bending over in front of him while you grabbed your panties off the floor. You dressed slowly, with your back towards him until you were ready to put your bra on. Then you turned to the side slightly as you raised your arms, giving him an eye full. When you were finally dressed, you turned to see him watching you hungrily. 

"Don't do that to me," he said softly. 

"Do what?" you asked innocently. 

He stepped to where you stood and grabbed your hair at the back of your head, tilting your face to his. 

"You know what you're doing. Now behave yourself or I'll do more than spank your ass." 

You felt a wave of desire run through your body. You absolutely loved this side of him but you knew he had a plan for your afternoon so you turned it down a bit and decided to play nice. You stood on your tip toes and kissed him quickly before you headed for the door. When he didn't follow, you turned around to see him watching your ass. 

"Coming?" you asked, motioning for the door. 

He finally met you at the door and followed you, not saying another word. 

\--- 

"This is beautiful," you said as you gazed out the window and to the rolling hills and mountains below. 

John had decided it was time to take you up in the plane. You had assumed he had a pilot to fly it for him but then when he told you he was actually the pilot, you were shocked. You asked if he was just good at everything to which he agreed. Always the cocky one...

"You like it?" he asked. 

John was glowing, almost childlike. You could tell he loved every minute he was in the air and it was really nice to just see him being so carefree. It was a totally different side of him. 

"I love it! This is incredible. Thank you for bringing me up here," you said as you placed a hand on his leg. "What river is that?" 

"It's the Henbane. Want to fly over that way?" 

"Yes, I want to see it all!" You were having such a blast. 

John smiled ear to ear and turned the plane slightly, flying over the river and over some docks. He pointed out a couple of land marks to you as you went. 

"Whoa, whoa... Wait," you interrupted him. "What the fuck is that?" 

"That's a giant statue," he said simply. 

"Is that who I think it is?" you asked in shock. 

"The one and only." 

You stared at the giant monument of Joseph, marvelling at the size of it. You had so many questions, primarily who the hell built that thing?

"What kind of church are you guys running? Why the hell... ? Who...?" 

"Take a breath. Want to see where Jacob lives?" You noticed he didn't answer one of your questions but somehow knew he wouldn't either. You figured John probably paid to have it built but wondered if Joseph's ego was truly that big. You supposed it must be. 

"Yes! Can we visit him?" you asked eagerly. You really enjoyed being around Jacob. 

"He's probably busy... I'm not sure exactly where he would be," he explained. "Do I have something to worry about?" 

"With Jacob? Nah... too quiet. I'd rather be with someone who talks about themselves nonstop." 

John smiled but didn't sling an insult back at you like he normally would. He reached down and rubbed at your hand that was still on his leg, grazing your knuckles. 

After you circled Joseph's head and headed across the river again, John turned north and into the mountains. It was like something out of a movie. You couldn't get over how stunningly beautiful it was. As you flew a bit lower than you were comfortable with, John showed you a hotel, a couple lodges and cabins and finally a large concrete building that looked like it could have been a school or a hospital. He told you to wave to Jacob.

"He lives there?!" you asked. 

"Yep." 

"That's insane," you said, wondering just how rich this family was. It seemed like they owned half of the county. "Do the wolves live there too?" 

"No, they're offsite." 

"Your family is very interesting John Seed," you told him. It was the truth. 

\---

When you finally landed back at the ranch, John suggested you get something to eat before he had to head out. You agreed even though the idea bummed you out. Things really seemed to be in a perfect place for you guys finally. And today he was more affectionate than he ever had been. You knew you were really going to miss him. 

As John worked away on dinner (he insisted), you sat quietly at the counter; watching him. He didn't talk much either unless he was asking what you wanted in your salad or what kind of seasoning you wanted on your chicken. 

Dinner was the same way, you both ate quietly while John rubbed your hand. You finally decided you needed to get out of the funk; you were obviously bringing John down with you. He had been in such a good mood in the plane. 

"When are you leaving?" 

"I'll have to head out in probably an hour," he said sounding glum. 

"Okay, well then you have one hour to do whatever you want with me," you said deviously, pulling your hand away and heading for the door. 

John watched you with fire in his eyes. "Where are you going?" 

"I'm not making it that easy, you'll have to catch me!" You sprinted from the room and upstairs with John behind you, moving faster than you had ever seen him move before.


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm stealing your bed while you're gone," you told John as you walked him to the door. 

"You better make it every day. I've seen the mess of your room. And don't be having your other boyfriend in here while I'm gone." 

"Is that what you are?" 

"I'm whatever you need me to be," he said as he bent down and kissed you softly. His hands ran through your hair. "You have your radio?" 

John had given you a hand radio that was programmed to his at the bunker. It wouldn't pick up any other channels except maybe Jacob's. You were happy to have some form of communication with him while he was gone. 

"No, I lost it." 

John looped his fingers in your hair and pulled you back. You grinned back at him. 

"What am I going to do with you and that smart mouth?" he whispered. 

"Do you have to ask?"

"Ugh, I really have to go. I'll be back in three days, tops. Stay close to the house. Please." 

You nodded and gave him another kiss. This one was much longer; you had a hard time pulling away. John must have felt the same because he wrapped himself around you and kissed you back harder than he ever had. 

When you finally came up for air, John grabbed his bag and headed outside, giving you one last wave before he drove away. You had to keep reminding yourself that he was gone for three days, not a year. This was getting a bit ridiculous. 

You stood in the doorway for a long moment, leaning against the doorframe and enjoying the night air. One of John's guards walked by. You nodded to them, not expecting anything back. When they nodded back, you were in shock. 

"Nice night," they said as they walked by. 

"It is, isn't it?" you said pleasantly. You were still shocked that one of them knew how to speak. Once they started walking away, you felt like you had missed your opportunity to have a conversation... Something you desperately needed. 

"Want some coffee?" you called after him. 

He turned, surprised by your offer but nodded. 

\---

Lyle (you learned what his name was) was now on his second cup of coffee, you on your first. You both sat on the bench outside the house, making small talk. 

"You're not from here are you?" he asked finally. 

"No, I live a couple states over... Well, lived. I'm not sure what's going on anymore really. I was just here on a camping trip but I ended up falling off a cliff or an embankment or whatever it was. Stupid right?"

"No, the terrain is rocky around here; that would be easy to do. I remember when John brought you here and your ankle was busted up but I didn't know what happened," he admitted. "Are you and John..." 

"I guess so," you answered before he finished his sentence. You would tell he was having a hard time coming up with the right term. 

"Hmm," Lyle seemed to be holding back something but didn't continue. "Thanks for the coffee by the way." 

"Anytime, it's always in the house if I'm not around." 

He smiled and passed the mug back to you before picking his rifle up from next to the bench. And just like that, you were alone again. 

\--- 

The next morning, you heard a knock at the front door. Excitedly, you ran to open it, thinking it was Jacob, here you take you to see the wolves like he promised. When you opened it, you were disappointed to see Joseph but tried your best to hide your emotions from your face. 

"Hey, how are you doing?" you asked politely. 

"I'm doing well, thank you. John radioed me this morning. He told me he's going to be away for a few days and wanted me to check on you," he explained, calm as ever. 

"That man is a worrier. I'm fine, thank you. Do you want to come in for some coffee?" 

"Actually, I was thinking maybe you might like to take me up on that drive now?" he asked. 

You really weren't in the mood to go, especially knowing he was angry with John but you couldn't think of any excuse to get out of it other than John telling you to stay close by but you knew he would trust his brother to look after you. 

"Sure," you said with a smile. "Just let me grab my shoes." 

\---

The drive through the country was relaxing and you were enjoying it more than you thought you would. Joseph seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood so that definitely eased your mind somewhat. 

"I hear you've decided to stay here for a while," Joseph said after you had been driving for awhile in silence. His mood seemed to have faltered.

"Yeah, I guess so. John offered me a job so that's covered at least." 

"I imagine that's not the only reason you're staying," he said coldly. 

You groaned internally. When he had offered to take you for a drive, you were just hoping to have a nice relaxing day with each other but now he was bringing up the elephant in the room. You had no idea how to approach the situation but figured you couldn't play dumb. 

"No, it's not. Joseph, this is kind of awkward for me to talk about but I know that maybe our relationship has caused a rift between you and John. He loves you so much and I just don't want you guys to be at odds." 

"None of this was your fault, my dear. Please don't blame yourself," Joseph said before he took a moment to gather his thoughts. "God speaks to me; though some people are quick to judge and disbelieve, I have been given visions of things to come. I didn't chose this, at first I didn't even want it, but everything I have seen so far has come true. I saw you before you even arrived, that's why I was quick to help you." 

"What did you see?" you asked, not believing him but chosing to go along with it anyhow. 

"You were at the gates of Eden with me and my brothers. You were a part of our family."

You wondered how he figured he would be there with you, rather than with John but nodded back at him. 

"You resist me. I know it's because of the temptation my brother has laid before you but you are strong and I know you can stop. I can give you everything you need but you need to end things with John," he told you, glancing between you and the road. You noticed he had crossed over the Henbane River and was now passing the statue of his likeness. 

"Joseph, I'm flattered but I have real feelings for John. I don't want to end things with him. Please respect that."

You watched as he clenched his jaw and stared out the windshield, wordless. He drove for quite awhile, deeper into the mountains when you decided to apologize again. The silence was too much. 

"Joseph, I'm sorry." 

"I knew you wouldn't cave easily, but that's fine. I will not give up on you," he said as he pulled off the road and up to a clearing tucked away in the hills. 

You wondered what he was doing but then you noticed a bunker door. Panic washed over you; you didn't know what he was planning but everything inside of you told you to run. You grabbed at the door handle before the car had come to a complete stop and bolted. 

You had managed to get out of sight from Joseph and the car before you felt two powerful hands on your arm, pulling you backwards. You struggled to pull out if their grasp but felt another set of hands on your other arm. You looked back to see two men in long black coats holding you tightly. You thrashed and kicked with everything inside of you but it was no use. They pulled you roughly back to Joseph who instructed them to take you inside. He forced his lips to your cheek before they did, dragging your flailing body as you screamed obscenities at Joseph.


	19. Chapter 19

"You're a fucking lunatic!" you screamed at Joseph from your cell. 

"Some seem to think so. It pains me that you feel the same but I have confidence that you'll come around. Please don't think of me badly, I'm only following God's plan."

"How do you think John will take this anyhow? You just think he'll forgive you?"

Joseph sat on a metal folding chair outside your cell. He was slumped over with a serious expression on his face. 

"John will understand that this needs to be done; he will not turn on his family," Joseph said confidently. "Tell me, how much do you know about John anyhow?" 

"Enough to know he's going to be pissed," you spat back. You couldn't imagine him just rolling over while Joseph held you prisoner, especially not as possessive as he was. 

"Yes, I'm sure he will; that's why it's best for us to do this peacefully. John has a way of taking out his anger on people and as much as I've tried to steer him away from it, wrath runs deeply inside of him. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I'm sure you could agree with that?" 

"What the fuck are you rambling about? You make it sound like he's a fucking psychopath when that's clearly you." 

Joseph stood and looked down at you with a look of pity. He folded up the chair and placed it next to the wall of your cell, turning back to face you. 

"John has helped the people of Holland Valley atone for their sins; I'm sure he's told you that much at least. He's helped many of our followers find the church and see the truth but it's not always easy, many resist being saved. John brings their confessions from them through torture; I'm sure he left that part out. He believes that atonement for ones sins should be a painful one and maybe he's right," Joseph trailed off for a minute before he pointed to your neck. "I know you've seen a less gentle side of John. To say he enjoys the pain he inflicts would be an understatement. So now I present the choice to you again... Do you want to help me bring our people to a new Eden or will you resist and watch my brother give into his darkest sin?" 

"That's such bullshit. If all of that was true, I wouldn't be with him. He's never done anything to hurt me or even come close to it. But you know, hopefully some of what you are saying will come to fruition because I'd love to see him put a few holes in you." 

Joseph laughed softly and turned without another word, leaving you to scream after him. 

\---

You sat wordlessly for what felt like an hour, staring at the door Joseph disappeared behind and kicked yourself for not tucking your radio in your pocket before you left the house. You ran every scenario through your head of how John would be able to track you down but none of them ended well. You knew he trusted his brother and wouldn't think that he would do something like this. You imagined he would look for you for awhile but then give up and go back to his life. His life of torturing people apparently. 

You thought of Joseph's words again. You didn't sense any dishonesty in them but you knew they couldn't be true. You couldn't picture John cuddled up to you in bed one minute only to be torturing someone the next. It was so ridiculous but you couldn't push it out of your mind. It all kind of added up: Jacob and Joseph telling you about his temper, Holly's warning and even John's own words when he told you people were afraid of him. You shook the thoughts from your mind; you refused to believe it. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the door opening again. Joseph and a young woman in a beautiful white lace dress entered. He stood back as she glided to the cell door, looking you over. 

"Please don't be afraid," she said in a soft calming voice. "I'm here to help you." 

You glanced back at Joseph when she said that but his expression was unchanged. 

"Who are you?" you asked her. 

"I'm Faith," she replied gently, placing her finger tips on your hand that gripped the bars of your cell. 

Your thoughts immediately ran back to the conversation Joseph had with John on the day you tried eavesdropping on thrm. You remembered him saying "my new Faith" at the time but thought he was referring to his religion. Now it made sense, with what Jacob had told you... This was Joseph's girlfriend. 

"You know he's trying to replace you right? Everyone told me that even before he brought me here... He's not happy that you have different opinions than he does..."

Joseph lunged for the bars but you stepped back in time to escape his reach. Faith stood next to him, staring at you in shock. She finally pulled her eyes away from you and looked up at Joseph who was staring daggers at you with his hands on the bars. 

"Joseph?" Faith asked gently. He blinked and turned his attention to her, touching his hands to her shoulders. 

"She will say anything to turn you against me. Please, don't listen to her. I'm you're family." 

"Faith, I'm the one who's locked in a God damned cell. I have no reason to lie to you... he told me he had a vision of me at some gate with him and that I would help usher in a new Eden. Does that sound familiar? I'm sure he's said it to you too," you pleaded with her. She seemed so torn; you knew she may be your only way to get out of this hell hole. 

"My sister, remember when I found you. Remember who has been there for you. If I had turned my back on you then, you would not have the life you do now. Don't turn yours on me," he said, still holding her arms. 

Faith glanced back at you for a long moment before she finally turned back to Joseph and nodded. "I'll take care of this Father, she'll be at peace soon." 

Joseph smiled warmly at her and kissed her softly on the forehead before he headed for the door, giving you one more threatening look. You stared back at him, refusing to let him see your fear. 

When he was outside, Faith turned to follow. She didn't say anything else to you, even when you yelled after her. You watched as the large vault door closed. A few minutes later, a pale green mist escaped from the vents, pushing towards your cell. You stared at it, trying to figure out what it was and knowing there was no way if escaping it. Within minutes, it was in your cell, causing you to melt to the floor. You couldn't keep your eyes open any longer.


	20. Chapter 20

"Where the fuck is she?" John screamed at one of his guards. 

He had been trying to reach you on the radio for a day and a half and finally decided to come home to check on you when you didn't answer. When he arrived, he found the house empty. He checked the pond and the normal paths you walked in the back of the house but you were no where to be found. Panic sank in quickly; he knew something wasn't right. 

"I'm not sure, John. I'm so sorry. No one's seen her around the property today," the Peggie told him, praying you would show up soon. 

"And none of you saw her leave? She couldn't have just vanished for fuck's sake!" 

"Sara said Joseph was here a couple days ago. They both left in a car but she doesn't recall seeing him drop her back off." 

John stood motionless for a moment, debating whether he should just kill this Peggie right here and now. He gave them instructions to watch you but clearly, no one followed them. He decided to radio Joseph before he did anything, time was ticking and he knew if something happened to you, he would have to move fast. He gave a final warning to the guard before storming into the house, throwing the door almost off the hinges on his way in. 

"Joseph, pick up," he called into the radio. When he didn't hear anything for a few minutes, he tried again. "For fuck's sake, I know you have this on all the time... Pick up." 

There was a low buzz before Joseph's calm voice came over the channel, asking if his brother was okay. 

"Where is she?" 

"Who? John, are you okay? What happened?" Joseph asked. 

"You drove off with her and no one's seen her since. So where is she?" 

"Oh," Joseph said slowly. "I drove her back home like she asked. She said she told you her plans and you stormed off so she didn't have any other way of leaving." 

John processed that for a minute. He knew you lived a half a day's drive away and it would have been a huge undertaking for Joseph to just drive you there and back. For the first time in his life, his confidence in his brother was wavering. 

"She didn't tell me she wanted to go home and I never stormed off. I was at the bunker, she knew that," John said as calmly as he could force himself to. 

"Hmm, well maybe she just didn't have the heart to tell you. I'm sorry that I had to break this to you this way; it seems we were both fooled." 

"I guess so... I just can't believe, that fucking bitch," John swore into the radio. He knew he had to react with anger; Joseph would be expecting it

"John, please... Try to stay calm. She was nothing but a temptation brought here to pull you from the path we have all chosen. You are better than this. In time, she will be nothing but a memory," Joseph assured him. "Take some time and relax. I love you, my brother." 

John let the radio go dead in his hand. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Joseph hadn't taken you back home. You wouldn't have just left like that, would you? He sank to the couch behind him and thought it over, doubt setting into his mind. 

He could never understand why you had shown him such kindness and affection. You allowed him to share stories of his past without judgment and brought a bit of hope to him that maybe he wasn't unloveable. He had been with a lot of women in the past but you were the only one he truly let into his life and behind the walls he had built up over the years. But then, maybe it was just an act this whole time. Maybe Joseph was right back at the church. 

John stood and paced, thinking about the time he had spent with you. He remembered the sadness on your face when you held him at the door before he left for the bunker and knew it had to be real. He had to find you but had no idea where to start. Knowing he needed help tracking you down, he picked up the radio again and turned it to a different channel. 

"Jacob, it's John. I need your help." 

\--- 

"I've checked with my hunters but no one's seen a trace of her up here. If she had crossed over into the mountains, someone would have seen something. Your people haven't seen her?" Jacob asked on the other line. It has been an hour since John's original call to him and after doing some investigating, the trail came back cold. 

"No. Everyone I've spoken with said they saw her in the car with Joseph and they were headed north from the ranch. I've flown over the Valley for her normal spots but she's just gone. I really don't know what else to do here," John said, totally defeated. 

"I think we both know where we have to look. She's not here and she's not in the Valley..." 

"Should I radio Faith? Why would she have her?" John asked. 

"I think you know and I think it's worth a call. See what she says at least," Jacob reasoned. 

John knew his brother was right. Jacob had hunters over every inch of the Whitetail Mountains. If Joseph had driven her north, they may not have recognized you but they'd know him. 

"I just can't believe I'm accusing him of this..." 

"He's become obsessed with her. You know he won't let anything stand in the way of what he has planned. Remember the lengths he went to to get Faith? He's... not doing this to hurt you," Jacob said, adding the last bit in to try to calm John. 

"Yeah, I remember. Fuck," John said, trying to think. "If I have to go get her, I may need you." 

"To what? You're just going to go in and kill him? Reasoning with him isn't going to work." 

"I'm not going to fucking kill him but he may listen... If he doesn't than I'll have to improvise. I can't just leave her behind," John said weakly. He really didn't have a plan in place but he knew he could never let you go. 

"Fuck, you love her don't you?" Jacob asked. 

"I.. I just... Look, can I count on you?" John stammered. 

Jacob sighed into the radio. "Yeah, give me a shout." 

John put he radio down and thought about what he would ask Faith. He didn't want to accuse her outright but he didn't want to come across as being too polite either. He knew she wasn't a huge fan of his, and probably not Jacob's either so she most likely wouldn't cooperate. He finally decided to just pick up the radio and wing it. 

"Faith? Are you handy?" 

A few minutes went by before he heard her singsong voice come back to him. 

"John? Is that you?" she asked. 

"Yeah. I know you're busy.. I won't keep you. I'm looking for a girl... Well, my girlfriend. I think something bad might have happened to her. Have you heard anything about a strange person in your area?" 

"Hmmm.... A stranger... No, no one new. Are you sure she crossed the river?" 

"No, I checked with Jacob first and she hasn't been there so I'm just trying to narrow it down. She's probably still in the Valley. How's Joseph by the way? I haven't seen him in awhile. He said he was going to go visit you," John asked, setting the bait. 

"He's great, I'm so pleased to have him here. It's been so long since I've seen my family," she said, confirming John's fears. "I'll tell him you said hello if you'd like?" 

"No, no. Oh, Faith? Please don't tell him about this... I really don't want him to worry. I know he was a good friend to her." 

"Of course, good bye John." 

After he said good bye, John clenched the radio in his hand tightly, staring at the far wall. A wave of anger coursed through him, clouding his thoughts. He turned the channel again, knowing what had to be done. 

"Jake? He's got her."


	21. Chapter 21

"Joseph, where the fuck are you, you coward?" you screamed in your cell. You weren't sure if he had cameras in there or not. 

You had honestly lost track of how long you had been held captive. Whatever they were using to drug you kept putting you out and causing you to have the strangest dreams... or maybe you were still awake and hallucinating, you weren't sure anymore. One minute you would be staring at the walls inside your cell, waiting for Joseph to show his face again and the next, you were in the most beautiful garden. It was full of weeping trees, blooming flowers and tall grasses and everywhere you looked, butterflies floated about. At one point, you saw John in the distance. He motioned a hand to you and you ran to him but then he disappeared into a blueish green puff of smoke. 

Every once in awhile, you would hear Joseph's voice; always telling you that you needed to learn to love him and accept that you were sent him for him and him alone. He told you you would be a part of the family and he would love you like no one else could. Other times, he would say horrendous things about John; telling you that he would end up killing you in the end, he had seen it in a vision. You weren't sure if it was exhaustion or whatever this mist was that kept rolling from the vents, but what Joseph was saying was starting to make sense. All the clues that everyone had given you were adding up. John wasn't to be trusted. 

\--- 

"What's the plan here?" Jacob asked from the lookout above the bunker. All he knew was John had needed his help and truthfully, he was getting used to the idea of you being around too. 

"We go in and take care of whoever is in the way, until we find her," John said, tapping his hands on his knees impatiently. 

Jacob watched his brother who had obviously not slept a minute since your disappearance. He was shaky and moodier than normal, which was bad for Jacob because John wasn't thinking logically anymore. He knew they couldn't just go in and shoot up the place. What if Joseph was inside? 

"We wait," Jacob told him, dismissing John's suggestion. 

"We wait?! That's your plan?" 

"If we run in, they may end up moving her deeper into the bunker or they may just end up just killing her," Jacob said, trying to scare him a bit so he could understand the risks. "We wait for Faith to come out. She'll be spouting off at one of the shrines later today. When she comes out, we take out whoever is with her and take her with us for questioning." 

"She won't fucking talk. Joseph has her too afraid." 

"Then we'll just make her more afraid, won't we?" Jacob grinned. "We need to know if she's in there for sure before we go in." 

John let out a heavy sigh but then he nodded. He knew his brother was right. 

\--- 

"How are you feeling, my dear?" Joseph asked as he sat cross legged in front of your cell. 

"I'm not sure anymore. What are you drugging me with?" you asked, feeling especially groggy. 

"It's bliss, please don't worry... It's natural." 

You remembered Jacob mentioning Faith was in charge of the bliss crops but he made it sound like it was similiar to marijuana. He didn't mention the insane hallucinations to you. You were honestly starting to question what was real. 

"John and I just spoke," Joseph said, watching your face. 

You watched your hands, unsure of how to react. Everything inside of you was so jumbled - it was almost like you had two personalities fighting it out. Half of you was overcome with joy to just hear his name again but the other half was sickened by it. You didn't know what to say to Joseph so you remained silent. 

"He knows you're here. My conscience was heavy and I had to own up to my sin." 

"Is he on his way?" you asked, still unsure if you wanted him here or not. 

"No, he was angry at first but ultimately, he believes in our plan and he believes in my visions. He knows this is best for everyone and has agreed to step aside," Joseph said calmly. When you didn't say anything, he clenched his fists in his lap. "He doesn't want you anymore, do you understand?" 

You nodded but didn't say anything further. Joseph pulled to his knees and crawled to the cell, pressing his face lightly against it. He motioned for you to come closer. As much as you didn't want to, you had a feeling that what Joseph had told you about John was true and you hadn't seen Faith since the time you met her. The only hope you may have of getting out of here was if you could convince Joseph that you had accepted his insane proposal to be his new Faith. You pushed yourself to the cell door, inches from Joseph. He reached a hand out and ran it down your cheek. 

"Does that sadden you, my child?" he asked in almost a whisper. 

You shook your head. "John is a monster. I could never be with someone like him, not after finding out the truth." 

Joseph smiled at you warmly and moved his hand to the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair before he pushed your face closer to his. His lips brushed yours through the bars. 

It seemed to last for hours and every inch of your skin was crawling but you knew you had to do this. You had to be convincing. Gently, you moved your hand to the back of his head and pushed him harder to your lips, letting out a low moan. He smiled against her lips with satisfaction, finally pulling away. His hand lingered on the back of your head as he smiled down at you. 

"How do you feel about everything?" he asked. 

You knew you could either answer the way he wanted you too or you could answer with just a hint of truth in hopes that he would be more willing to believe that. You decided that was a better idea. 

"Honestly, I'm still so confused Joseph. I know my place isn't with John anymore but I don't see how I work into your life or what my purpose is. I have these feelings for you but part of me if still having a difficult time trusting you." 

Joseph's smile widened at your response. He must have bought what you were saying. 

"In a few days, we'll see about taking you home. I want you at the compound with me until things are taken care of here. I'll be back to visit you again before then. Please be patient with me," he said as he kissed you again gently and left the room. 

You were shocked that you had been able to pull that off. Once you were at the compound, you knew you had a better chance of escaping. You'd kill Joseph if you had to. The only thing that worried you was if you could last until he came back or if you would go mad by then.


	22. Chapter 22

"There she is," John said excitedly as Faith emerged finally from the bunker. She was being escorted by two of her angels. 

"We need to get closer," Jacob said, surveying the landscape. 

"If we run down there, you can take one of them out and I'll take the other," John suggested. Jacob shook his head. 

"There," he pointed in the opposite direction. "We run to those trees up on the hill. When the car rounds that bend, I'll shoot out the back tire and we'll close in on them." 

"Fine," John agreed, already running in the direction of Jacob's finger. 

Jacob let out a sigh and shook his head before he took off after his brother, passing him easily in the process. When they reached the trees Jacob had pointed to, he took out his rifle and told John to calm the fuck down and stay hidden. He watched as Faith closed her car door and the car started slowly down the clearing and around the bend. When they were out of sight from the bunker, Jacob pulled back on the trigger. A second later, the car was swerving to the side of the road. Jacob motioned for John and they both snuck down the hill. 

Both of the angels had gotten out of the car and were searching around the road. They were too out of it to know what had happened but Faith bent down, running a hand over the shredded remains of the tire. She stood and let out a frustrated sigh, telling her people to move back to the bunker. As she walked down the road with the angels at her back, Jacob ran silently behind one, grabbing it's neck and snapping it. Before the body hit the ground, he was on the other, dragging it behind the car. John watched as Jacob reached down and ran his hunting knife over the angel's throat. Faith walked along, clueless to what was happening behind her until John grabbed her, clapping a hand over her mouth and pulling her into the brush. She struggled but John kept a firm grip on her. When Jacob and John finally got to the car they had hidden down the road, they opened the trunk and threw her in. 

\--- 

"I told you already, Joseph doesn't tell me anything," Faith said as John questioned her. 

He and Jacob had brought her to the Veteran's Center because it was slightly closer than John's bunker. She was now seated, tied to a chair. Jacob sat back with his arms crossed as John paced in front of her like a caged animal, never taking his eyes off hers. 

"We all know how this is going to end if we don't get her out of there. It'll be the same story from when Joseph found you and replaced the last Faith. He's obsessed with her, you're never going to change his mind," John tried reasoning with her.

"The Father loves me. He would never harm me, John." 

Jacob laughed in the corner. "We've been around a lot longer than you love and it's always the same thing. Don't think you're any different." 

Faith lowered her eyes slowly to the floor as her bottom lip quivered slightly. She stared at the same spot while John gave her some time to process everything. Finally, she lifted her head and looked at John confidently. 

"He loves me," she said. 

"Well then, it's like this... I'm not letting you out of here until I get a truthful answer from you. I'll take my time and strip every inch of skin from your body if that's what I have to do," John threatened as he bent down to her eye level. 

"Jacob..." Faith turned to him still sitting in the corner. He shook his head at her, signalling she was on her own. "Joseph will punish you both if you hurt me!" 

"Joseph won't have a chance to. If what I suspect has really happened and he's taken what's mine, I'll put a bullet in his head before he'll have a chance." 

Faith stared at him for a long moment before she finally decided John was crazy enough to do it. She knew Joseph would be furious with her but she also knew she wouldn't get out of here alive if she didn't give John something... even a tiny bit of information. 

"He took her but I'm not sure why. I swear to you, he didn't tell me," she said looking between the two men. John rolled his knife in the air as an indication for her to continue. "He came to me for the proper dosage of bliss. I think he wants to turn her against you for some reason." 

"And where is he keeping her?" 

"I don't know... honestly," Faith lied. 

John could tell from her eyes shifting slightly that she was lying. Years of practicing law and playing the role as the project's Inquisitor had taught him that much. He didn't give her a second chance to answer as he pushed the tip of his blade just below her collar blade, slashing at the skin. Faith screamed out in pain. Rather than ask the same question, he pushed the blade in again to carve another jagged line, this time cutting into another layer of skin. 

"Please, John... we're family!" she screamed as he pulled the knife away. 

"Then stop lying for once in your miserable life, you fucking junkie whore," he said through clenched jaws as he cut away at her again, twisting the blade roughly. 

"She's in my bunker! Please!" Faith pleaded. 

John stood back and examined her. The front of her dress was now stained red, standing out in stark contrast to the white lace. He watched as she wept quietly. 

"Where is your key?" Jacob asked finally as he stood beside John. 

Faith motioned down beneath her dress. Jacob reached a hand down the front and fished it out, ripping it off her neck. He motioned for John to follow as he left Faith alone in her chair.


	23. Chapter 23

"Stay here and watch the front door," Jacob said to John as he held a hand up in protest. 

"I can't just stand here, I'm going to get her," John protested, trying to push past his brother. 

"And what if Joseph comes? Are you going to let him come into the bunker and get in the line of fire? You stay put and hold him off, I'll go grab her. Faith said she was in one of the first cells so I won't be long." 

John tried to protest again but Jacob gave him a stern look, telling him his arguing was pointless. He let out a defeated sigh and put his hand gun back at his side. 

"Don't let anything happen to her."

Jacob nodded and took off through the bunker while John stood guard. They both had radios in case something went wrong and they needed back up. 

As he made his way through the bunker, Jacob was surprised at the lack of guards. If this was his bunker, it would be swarming with people. He was actually through two rooms before he finally saw anyone, taking them down quickly and silently. When he opened the next vault door, he saw a familiar mist. He used bliss on a regular basis with the Judges and some of his prisoners but her hated the stuff and knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate if he was exposed for too long. Jacob pulled his shirt over his mouth and held his breath, only letting out air when the weight in his chest became too much. 

There were two cells in this room but both of them were empty. Jacob silently swore to myself before pushing through to the next room. There was a tall staircase to the right side of the room but it was difficult to see much else over the bliss fumes. Jacob pushed forward, scanning the entire room until he finally saw a cell on the far wall. When he reached it, he was relieved to see you in it, though he was worried if you were still alive; you didn't respond to him calling you. Pulling out his gun, Jacob aimed for the lock on the cell door and blew it off easily before he ran in and scooped you into his arms and headed outside as quickly as he could. When he got out in the fresh air, he put you on the ground next to the bunker door. John's eyes were wild as he collapsed to his knees beside you. 

"Is she okay?" he asked Jacob, reaching for your neck to check your pulse. 

"I don't know, that place is filled with bliss. I had to get out quick." 

"She's breathing," John said finally, sighing in relief. 

"She's going to need an adrenaline shot before the bliss takes her. We need to get her back to the center, now," Jacob told him as he scooped you up once more and ran for the truck. 

\--- 

You blinked your eyes as everything came into focus. You weren't in your cell anymore; you were in a small white room with not much more than the bed you laid on. You looked down to notice your shirt was gone, leaving you only in your jeans and a bra. 

"How are you feeling kid?" asked a voice from the corner. 

You looked up to see Jacob pushing up from his chair on his way over to you. You knew it looked like him but it made no sense why he would be here... Wherever this was. You decided you must be hallucinating. You reached a hand up to touch his cheek, expecting him to disappear into a puff of smoke. When he didn't, you couldn't believe it. 

"Jacob? Are you real?" you asked on astonishment. You ran your hand down to his beard, still trying to decide if he was really there. 

"Yep," he said, nodding. "You're out of the bliss but try to relax." 

"Where are we?"

"My home," he told you. "Don't worry... You're not going back to that fucking place."

You let your hand drop from his face and fell back into the bed, letting the tears you had been holding wet your cheeks. It was hard to believe. You never imagined anyone would ever save you from Joseph's clutches. Jacob placed a callused hand on yours, trying his best to comfort you. 

"How did you find me? Oh my God... Does Joseph know?" 

"No, not yet. No one will be telling him either," Jacob explained. You didn't want to know what that meant. "John tracked you down... poor guy hasn't stopped searching since he found out you were gone." 

"Oh.. I'm glad he did," you didn't know how you felt about John anymore so you didn't say anything else. 

"I kicked him out while I gave you an adrenaline shot. I couldn't concentrate with his incessant whining. I'll go grab him." Jacob said as he turned to leave. 

"No! I mean... I'm just kind of tired. Can you tell him I'm sleeping?" you asked, hoping he'd go along with it. You weren't ready to see him yet. 

He turned back to look at you while trying to figure out why you wouldn't want to see John. He figured you'd be chomping at the bit like his brother was. Jacob decided it wasn't his business to ask so he nodded and left to break the news


	24. Chapter 24

You had been laying awake staring at the ceiling for what felt like the entire day when Jacob came back in. At first you didn't notice him because you were in such a daze, your mind buzzed nonstop and your normal level of anxiety was now overwhelming. 

"Did you sleep?" he asked, standing next to the bed. 

"A bit," you lied to him. 

"He's still in the hall," Jacob told you as a way of asking for permission to let John in your room. 

"I.. can you please let him know I'm..." you stopped, trying to think of an excuse but not coming up with one. "Jacob, I feel like you've been the only one here who has been honest with me. I need you to tell me the truth about something." 

"I can do that, what is it?" 

"Does John torture people?" 

Jacob sat on the bed before he continued with your answer. "Where did you hear that?" 

"Joseph," you said simply. 

Jacob seemed shocked by that. He glanced at the door quickly before turning his attention back to you. He seemed torn as to what to say. 

"Yes." 

The answer rocked through you, shaking you to your core. Everything he had told you in the bunker was confirmed. Joseph may have had a reason to lie to you but Jacob didn't. 

"I don't want to see him," you told Jacob, hoping he would accept that and tell John to leave you alone. 

"I think he deserves to give you an explanation," Jacob said. "I'll be close by if you need me." 

You let out a sigh and thought it over. You knew John wasn't just going to leave, you would have to face him sooner or later. It might be better to do it with Jacob here, especially where he offered to intervene if needed. Truthfully, you didn't want to hear what John had to say. You knew what a charmer he was and knew that he'd probably try swaying you back to his side. You sat for a moment, mulling over your choices. 

"Okay." 

Jacob got up after patting your hand and called out into the hall for John who came running, nearly pushing Jacob out of the way. Jacob put his arm out, blocking his way before he could enter. 

"She needs time, John." 

John looked up at his brother questioningly and then back at you. When he saw the look on your face, he nodded. Jacob left the room but pointed a finger to the hall, letting you know he would be there if you needed him. He closed the door behind you and let the silence envelope the room. John stood in place, looking you over. 

"I'm glad you're okay," he said finally, barely audible. You could tell it was a struggle for him to not go to you. 

"Thank you for saving me." 

"I would never let anything happen to you."

You both watched one another for a bit. Joseph's words kept running through your mind, causing everything to blur. You knew you were still feeling the effects of the bliss. You had to talk to him about everything and knew there was no easy way to ease into it. 

"Joseph told me about you... about everything you've done." 

"He's trying to turn you against me," he said, taking a couple steps closer before you told him to stay back. 

"Maybe so John but it was the truth wasn't it?"

"Let me explain..." 

"No. You don't get to lie to me anymore. You hid this from me, let me have these... feelings for you. Were you just going to keep me locked up at the ranch so I'd never know the truth?" 

John took another step with his hands up in surrender. You noticed he wasn't his normal suave self; his hair was out of place and his eyes were circled with dark shadows. 

"Stay the fuck away from me," you said louder, pushing yourself up from the bed and backing into the wall behind you. 

John stopped. "I'd never hurt you." 

"That's hard to believe since you clearly enjoy hurting people." 

John let his hands drop to his sides and clenched his fists. His eyes suddenly went dark. 

"Joseph is trying to save these people who are too stupid to realize what a gift they're being offered. He needs them to atone..." 

"And torturing them was his idea?" you asked. John nodded. "Oh, but you don't enjoy it at all huh?" 

John was on you now, holding you to the wall behind you. His face was inches from your face. "I do whatever is needed of me." 

"Even now? Joseph has turned on you, why do you hold such loyalty to him?" you pushed your face closer to his involuntarily. 

"I don't. Not anymore," John said sadly. Part of you hurt for him. You knew the only people he had in his life were his brothers. John would never admit it but you knew how hungry he was for love, for affection. You wanted to reach out to him but you knew you could never do that again. You would never allow yourself to forgive the monstrous things he had done. 

"Can you control yourself?" you whispered, inches from his lips. He stared at you longingly. 

"I don't know," he said honestly. 

"Then I can't be with you. I don't know if I could forgive you but if you were willing to change, I might be able to. But knowing you'd continue..." 

"You don't get to leave me," he said possessively. 

"Yes, I do. I need you to leave," you said firmly. 

When he didn't remove his hands, you called for Jacob. The door swung open immediately and Jacob set a hand on his brother's shoulder, letting him know it was time to go. 

John turned to you one last time before he exited, his look was pleading but at the same time, it was the most terrifying thing you'd ever seen.


	25. Chapter 25

"You okay?" Jacob asked once John had finally left. 

"Yes, thank you. I... I can't see him anymore." 

Jacob pressed his lips together before running a hand through his beard thoughtfully. "It's a mess." 

"Yeah, to say the least. Why did you guys not stop him? He said Joseph told him to do this? None of this makes sense." 

"It wouldn't. Look, do you want my opinion?" Jacob asked as you finally pushed yourself off the wall and sank down to the floor. When you nodded, he knelt down next to you. 

"He's a broken man. I'm not sure if there's hope for him but to say he's been given up on by everyone is an understatement. He's never been able to clear himself of the anger and resentment he feels and maybe hurting other people in the process is his way of dealing with it. People lash out when they're hurt." 

What he was saying made sense to you but you still didn't agree with it. "I understand why he does it, I guess. I've seen his scars, I know not all of them were self inflicted. But this isn't right..." 

"Maybe not. Maybe he just needs someone to show him another way, just like Joseph did," Jacob said, pushing to his feet. "He's laid low since he met you. We both know he enjoys being in control but it seems to me that maybe you're the one who holds that control now." 

You remained silent, letting that sink in while Jacob left you to your thoughts. You knew everything he had said was right. John had even admitted that to you before, that he hurt himself to release the anger he felt. And now you found out that it was Joseph who suggested he take it out on other people instead. Of course he would have listened to his brother; he trusted him. And of course it would have felt good to see someone else feel even a ounce of the pain he had inside. Jacob was right, he was a broken man. You sat back against the wall and let everything wash over you. You had no idea what to do. 

\--- 

Later that night, Jacob came to check on you again and bring you something to eat. You were still in the same spot he had left you in earlier. 

He didn't say much other than to ask how you were feeling and ask if you needed anything else. When you asked him if he was okay with you staying for a bit, he agreed that it would be for the best, especially when Joseph found out you were gone. You were thankful for it. You had no idea if Jacob was as fucked up as his brothers - you suspected as much but didn't ask - but he made you feel safe. He didn't owe you anything but he had taken care of you more than most people had in your life. Before he left to leave you to eat, you asked him where John was.

"He left. I imagine he's heading home." 

You had never known you could feel relief and longing at the same time before that moment. You laid your head back against the wall and released every tear you had pent up. 

\--- 

"Joseph," John said as he opened his front door to find his brother standing there. 

Every inch of his body told him to lash out, to break every bone in his body but he wanted to wait until the perfect moment. He wanted to let the sting of rage build up inside of him until he had no choice but to release it; he knew the release would be well worth the wait. 

"John, I wasn't sure where else to go. Faith... my Faith is gone," he said as he wiped away at his eyes. 

"What do you mean? Is she...?" 

Joseph pushed past John and paced in the entranceway of the house. His eyes were wild as he clenched his fists and released them at his sides, over and over. 

"She's not dead. She left. She left!" he screamed madly. "After all I've done for her and she left with my... She took everything." 

John knew what his older brother was going to say before he stopped himself. When he had taken Faith, he wasn't sure exactly what Joseph was going to think happened to you but this had worked out better than he had hoped. 

"You don't know that for sure." 

Joseph stopped pacing and turned back to John. His eyes were full of anger and a ferocity that John knew too well. 

"I do. The signs are there." 

Meaning you weren't there anymore. John wondered if Joseph would ever tell him the truth. He stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. Even if this whole scenario was true, John wouldn't have cared a less. He knew his brother was ready for a new Faith anyhow. The cycle always repeated itself when he got bored. 

"I'm sorry brother, I've been selfish. How are you after everything?" Joseph asked him. 

"I'm... Truthfully, I'm glad the distraction is gone. I was blinded by my own lust, nothing more," John told him, watching his brother nod. 

"But you haven't heard from her again?" Joseph asked, sweeping his vision around the open room. 

"No." 

Joseph placed a hand on the back of his brother's head and pressed their foreheads together. He looked at John for a long moment, almost as if he was searching for something. 

"I need you to keep your borders closed. If Faith tries to leave, I want her alive but captured. That goes for anyone else who may be with her." 

John nodded as Joseph's released his grip and walked out the door as quickly as he had arrived. 

\---

That night, John walked into your bedroom, running his fingers over the clothes you had strewn across the dresser and taking a seat on your unmade bed. His fingers tangled in the sheets as he clenched his fist around them, staring down at the pad of paper you were always writing in. He laid down , resting his head on your pillow and breathing in your scent. He flipped through your writings, reading every word as he ran a hand over his freshly opened scars on his side; tracing every letter of the word "wrath".


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning did not come quickly to you; you had laid away tossing and turning for most of it. Anytime you managed to drift off, you had the same dream of John off in the distance with you running to him. It was the same vision you saw while in the bliss. Even when you laid awake, you thought of him over and over. You weren't sure if it was because the bliss was starting to wear off but the anger you had for him was subsiding and loneliness was setting in.

The light was now shining brightly through the window, causing you to squint. You guessed it was probably close to 9:00 or 10:00. You rolled over and placed your feet unsteadily on the floor, walking to the door and nodding at the guard outside as you crossed the hall to the bathroom. You ran yourself a shower, letting the water get as hot as you could stand it and stood with it washing over your body. You stood for a long moment, feeling it fall over your skin, hoping it would wash all of your pain away. As you built a lather on your skin with your hands, you stopped when your fingers pushed against the bruise on your wrist; it was from the last night you had spent with John at his ranch. Your fingers traced the perimeter mindlessly, pushing against it until you felt a dull pain. Time went by but you couldn't pull yourself away from the reminder your body was placing before you. You couldn't forget him kissing at your wounds gently after he had inflicted his pain. He was so complex... You knew what Jacob had said was true. He was constantly at battle with himself, torn between giving into anger and knowing enough to restrain himself. 

You quickly turned off the now freezing cold water and wrapped yourself in a towel before you headed back to your room to get dressed. Jacob had given you a spare t-shirt and sweat pants. They were in your size but you still didn't know how he would have women's clothing kicking around. Either way, you were grateful for them and felt more like yourself now that you were clean and in a fresh change of clothing. 

There was a bowl of something unappetizing next to your bed, you guessed it was oatmeal maybe. You ate it quickly, trying to avoid the taste and then finished getting ready. You knew what had to be done. 

At first you waited for Jacob to show up but after waiting for what felt like hours, you decided to talk to the guard in the hall. 

"Can you ask Jacob to come see me?" you asked the bearded man with the always serious expression. 

"He's busy," he said simply, brushing you off. 

"Well when he's not? It's important," you told him to which he gave you silence in return. 

"Friendly bunch around here," you muttered to yourself as you went back to your room and stared out the window. You wondered why there were bars on them. 

\---

Hours passed and the only person who came to see you was your new friend who watched your every move. He brought you some water and a bowl of rice with watery broccoli on the top. You asked him again about Jacob but he simply repeated his line from earlier. You gave him the finger when he left the room. 

After you managed to push through dinner, you paced your room, counted the tiles on the floor and finally decided to lay back in bed to rest your eyes. Sleep crept up on you quickly this time, putting you out cold. 

"Kid," Jacob said gruffly while he shook your shoulders. 

You peered up at him through the darkness, unsure if you were dreaming. When he noticed your eyes open, he marched to the far wall and flicked the light switch. 

"Jesus," you whined as you tried to adjust to the sudden intrusion of light. 

"I hear you've been annoying my guys," Jacob said with a smirk. 

"Well his lack of manners is annoying me." 

"Whaddya need?" he asked, cutting to the chase. 

"I need you to drive me to the ranch," you said, gauging his reaction. He smiled slightly. 

"It's too late now. Get some sleep and I'll take you in the morning." 

You felt the disappointment flood over you in an instant. You were so sure this is what you needed to do that you had hoped to not have any extra time to think it over and potentially change your mind. You lowered your eyes briefly while you chewed on your lip. 

"Do you want me to radio him?" Jacob asked, trying to appease you. 

You shook your head, not offering anything else. Jacob nodded and took his leave. You would have to wait until tomorrow to see your broken man but that was okay; you needed time to figure out what you would say to him when you got there. 

\---

You woke early the next morning, showering quickly and changing into the last pair of cleans clothes you had. After that, you paced relentlessly in front of the window. Your mind was nothing but a jangled ball of nerves. 

"I'd say someone's rearing to go," Jacob said from behind you. You hadn't even heard him come in. 

"I'm ready. Thanks for driving me." 

Jacob nodded and gestured for you to follow him. He led you through a couple long hallways; most of the doors were shut but the couple that weren't looked identical to yours. 

Once outside, you both hopped up into the truck and Jacob started through the winding roads ahead. He stared ahead and didn't say anything, tapping occasionally at the steering wheel. 

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" you asked him, deciding you needed his opinion. 

"I do," he agreed. 

"I don't even know what to say... he may not even want to see me," you sighed. "Fuck, Jacob... What do I do?" 

"You'll know when you get there," he added. Always the talker. 

You both sat in silence again as you watched the giant "yes" sign poke over the hills, letting you know you were close to home.


	27. Chapter 27

"Good luck," Jacob said as you thanked him and closed the door quietly behind you. He pulled away the second it was shut, leaving you in the driveway, eyeing the house. 

Most of it was in darkness which was odd; John normally had the whole house lit up, mostly because he was too restless to just sit in one room for long. You scanned the yard to see there were only three guards now, chatting away at the far end of the lawn. You walked slowly to the front door, debating whether you should just go inside or knock at the door. You finally decided you should knock - this wasn't your home anymore. 

When your knock went unanswered, you decided to go inside. You really didn't have many options at this point; Jacob was gone and you didn't have a phone or money or really even an inkling to where you were. 

The house was quiet when you walked in and dark except for a light peeking under the door to your room. You followed it, pushing the door open gently. John sat on your bed, gazing at your closet door. When he heard you come in, he straightened his posture but didn't look at you. 

"What are you doing?" he asked coldly. 

You had no idea how to answer him because really, you didn't know. All you knew was the familiar pull you felt to go to him, no matter how badly your brain tried to tell you otherwise. When you didn't answer, he stood up and faced you. The bags he had under his eyes had grown and his clothes were a pile of wrinkles. You could hardly recognize him. 

"I don't know," you said quietly. 

You stood motionless, waiting for him to come to you but he didn't move. His eyes stayed on yours the entire time, filled with something unrecognizable. They seemed dull, less blue than they normally were. You took a step towards him and reached a hand out to his shirt, touching the dried blood on the fabric. By the way it had stained, you knew it was his. You forced yourself to take another step and place your other hand over the area, searching his eyes for an answer. 

"Joseph thinks Faith broke you out and that you're both gone. There's no reason for you to stay." 

"Yes, there is," you said sadly. You wanted nothing more than to reach for him but he was so unresponsive. 

"What do you want?" he asked, so softly that you almost couldn't make it out. 

"I want you to hurt me. Whatever you need to do, I need you to do it to me instead of other people." 

John stared at you for a long moment before he grabbed the back of your head and crushed his lips into yours. His grip was so tight, you weren't able to tilt your face away to get a breath. His fingers circled through your hair before he clenched his fist, snapping your head back to expose your neck. Quickly, he worked his way from your mouth to the nape of your neck, sucking at it roughly. When you tried to speak, he bit down hard, silencing you. 

Without releasing his hold on your hair, he reached down with his other hand and ripped at your borrowed t-shirt, stretching the fabric until it ripped. His hand was on your breast instantly, pinching your hardened nipples until you let out a low whimper. You tried to reach out for him but he grabbed your already bruised wrist with one hand and spun you around with the other, pushing you across the room and into the dresser, leaning you across it. The sharp edges on the top drawer cut into the skin above your hips.

"Don't move," he ordered as you heard him remove his belt. 

You stayed in the position he had put you in, trying to move your face without him noticing. He had pushed your cheek into the wall and it was starting to chafe at the skin. When he noticed you adjusting your pose, he grabbed the back of your head and pushed your cheek further into the wall. His other hand fumbled on the waistband of your sweatpants, pulling them down over your ankles before he kicked your legs open. 

"Don't move," he said again. This time his voice was threatening. 

A minute went by and you didn't hear anything behind you. Curiosity was getting the best of you but you knew he was testing you to see if you would submit to him. You stayed as still as you could. Finally, you heard the familiar sound of his zipper and before you could brace yourself, he was inside of you, pushing in roughly with the full length of his cock. You bit down on the inside of your cheek as you stifled a cry. With that, he quickened his pace. It was apparent to you that he loved knowing you were uncomfortable. 

Relentlessly, John continued his assault on your flesh; tugging at the skin on your hips and then running his hands back to your breasts long enough to pinch at you again. You tried your best to stay quiet but a string of moans came from your lips. You didn't know where this was going to lead or what would happen after this was done but you knew you needed this as much as he did. The warmth between your thighs told you as much. 

When John detected the growing pressure building up inside of you, he stopped abruptly and pulled out. You tried staying still but pushed yourself back towards him, silently begging him to continue. 

"On your knees," he instructed you. 

You did as he told you, pulling yourself off the dresser and lowering in front of him. You glanced up, waiting for him to tell you what he wanted even though you knew full well. You knew he liked when you did as he asked. 

"Why are you here?" he asked, surprising you. You just assumed he was going to tell you to open up. 

"I don't know," you said, not breaking eye contact. He grabbed at the back of your hair, tilting your face further up so he could study your features. "I couldn't stay away from you." 

"You were going to leave." 

"I know." 

John reached down with his other hand and drew his cock across your lips, causing you to part them in anticipation. He pressed the head of it between your lips gently a couple of times before he pulled out again. You grunted in frustration. 

"What stopped you?" he asked, getting back to his interagation.

You shook your head the best you could with his grip still on the back of your head. John pushed his cock back to your mouth, bringing his length to the back of your throat sharply. He pulled out again and released your hair. 

"I can't say it," you told him as he stared down at you. 

You shifted your eyes to the floor, waiting for his next move. He picked you up quickly, pressing his hands just beneath your armpits, and moved you to the bed where he lowered himself between your legs. You felt him at your entrance and pushed your hips up to his, desperate to feel him. Instead, he lowered his upper body onto yours, pushing his weight down on you and kissed you again. This time it was less violent and so gentle that you barely felt it. 

"You should have run," he said as he reached down and centered his cock, pushing back into you. 

"I won't give up on you." 

"You should. This is never going to end well." 

John moved in and out of you slowly and gently. It was the first time he had ever done so; you felt insanely close to him in every way. His lips moved down to yours again. 

"I know you're right but I won't leave. I love you too much," you said, finally confessing your sin. If there was such a thing as a God, you wondered if he would forgive you for loving this devil that laid with you. 

John stared down at you, astonished. He completely stopped his movements now, but kept close to you. You reached out a hand and stroked his cheek. You knew he would never say it back, even if it ever did become true and you were okay with that. 

You leaned up and kissed at his jaw and then moved your lips to his ear, whispering into it, "Fuck me as hard as you can." 

You hadn't backed away an inch from his ear when you felt him slam back into you, hitting you at a ridiculously deep angle. He grabbed your hips and pushed them back, allowing him to get even deeper. You let out a tiny cry but rocked your hips back in response. His cock moved in and out of you at a feverish pace, each thrust harder than the last until you honestly didn't know if you would take it anymore. Each time he would hit the spot he knew you loved, bringing you closer to orgasm. When you knew you couldn't possibly hold on any longer, you grabbed at the pillows above you and gave in, feeling the mind blowing warmth spread through your body. Your walls clenched around John tightly, causing him to moan. You thought he might slow down and give you a minute like he normally did but he pushed harder into you, causing a wave of pain to spread across your hips. You opened your mouth to protest but he shut you up with a forceful kiss, groaning into your lips as you felt him cum hard and deep. His body shook against you as he tightened his grip and pushed his lips further against yours.

When you had both recovered, he slowly rolled off of you and onto the other side of the bed. You expected him to pull you to him like he had the past few times but he kept a safe distance. You turned your body to lay on your side so you could study him. 

"What changed your mind?" he asked as he laid on his back, facing the ceiling. 

"Jacob." 

John tilted his head on the pillow to face you. His eyebrows furrowed together questioningly. 

"At first I thought I could only stay if you changed. I don't know if it makes me insane for staying even though I know you wont, but I couldn't force myself to leave. I tried so hard but I'm connected to you now whether I want to be or not. You have this hold on me that I know I'll never truly escape from," you explained, turning your gaze away from him as you did. 

John rolled out of bed and pulled on his clothes without a word, making his way to the door. 

"I'm going upstairs," he said but didn't look back at you before he left.


	28. Chapter 28

You brushed your hair from your face as the night air whipped it around; it was much chillier tonight than you were hoping for but you hoped sitting outside for a bit would help clear your mind. You pushed yourself deeper into the chair and curled your legs to your chest. 

It was the middle of the night and you couldn't sleep. You had no idea what had happened downstairs with John or whether you should even still be here. After he went upstairs, you heard what sounded like him pounding his fists on something but then it went silent and had stayed that way for the past five or six hours. You didn't dare knock on his door. 

You pressed your head to your knees and replayed the events form earlier. You were lost in your thoughts when John came out and took a seat next to you. You didn't notice him for a long time until he cleared his throat. 

"Come to bed," he said finally when you turned your attention to him. 

You wanted to talk about everything, wanted clarification but you caved in and got up without a word, following him to his room. He pulled you down into bed next to him, covering you with a blanket and bringing you to his chest. You kept quiet, not sure how to approach what needed to be said. 

"I would have let you go," he said as you both laid wrapped up in each other. 

"Would you?"

He looked down at you and sucked at his bottom lip, his eyes dark. "You're the only person that I would." 

You looked up to meet his eyes, trying to see him in the darkness but could only see his outline. You ran a palm across his beard, as he leaned into your hand. 

"What am I doing, John?" you asked him, feeling beyond frustrated. "There can't be anymore secrets. I need to know everything." 

"What do you want to know?" 

"I need you to show me your bunker," you suspected that's where his torture chamber was. You needed to see for yourself before you could process everything. 

He didn't answer you but you noticed he pulled back slightly. You wrapped your arm around him, bringing him back to you. 

"Joseph told me everything. I know about the carving, the torture, the... skinning. I know about the cells... Your prisoners," you trailed off. 

"And you're here..." 

"Yes." 

"You're a brave girl." 

"I'm a foolish girl," you corrected him. 

John ran a thumb over your bottom lip before he agreed with you. You parted your lips for him, letting him push his thumb past your teeth. You sucked at it lightly, bringing a moan from his lips. You weren't sure what else to do or how to get out of this situation but you knew your addiction to him would never fade and in this moment, you needed your fix. You pushed his hand away and rolled on top of him, straddling his narrow hips. He reached up to push you back but you resisted. You knew of course that he was allowing you to push his hands back, he would have you on your knees in a second if he really wanted to. 

"I need you to be gentle this time" you told him, releasing his hands again. 

This time, he didn't push you away but ran his fingers up the front of your shirt, caressing your breasts over your bra. You pushed yourself back against his hips, rolling yours against his cock, causing it to harden between your thighs. You leaned down and kissed his lips, leaving them to trail down to his neck and bit him harshly, giving him a taste of his own medicine. He gasped into your hair and tightened his grip on your waist. Apparently Jacob was right, you did need to take control. 

You shimmied down his body, kissing every inch of him and then removing his shirt, kissing over his scars one by one. Each kiss was a reminder to him that you knew all of his pain and accepted it. John reached a hand from the bed and gently stroked your hair as you continued down to his stomach, taking an extra second to run your hand over the freshly opened scars on his side. 

When you were satisfied you had kissed every one, you moved your lips along the waistband of his jeans. You heard John inhale sharply when you got just above his zipper. Pulling it down quickly, you pulled his pants and boxers off together, exposing him fully. On your way back up, you kissed and sucked at the skin in his inner thighs, stopping just short of his cock. John stiffened below you and you appreciated it must be hard for him, giving you the control he so desperately needed. 

You brushed your lips gently to the tip, kissing it as lightly as you could before pulling back and tracing the angles of his hip bones with your lips. John growled above you, pushing his fingers into the sheets. 

You would have lingered a little longer but the way he squirmed below you was soaking you through your panties. You wanted him to beg you for release but you knew you didn't have the patience to try. Crawling up his body, you hovered above his hips again. You had already stripped off your pants when you removed his but decided to leave the rest; you wouldn't make this easy for him. Pushing your panties to the side, you finally lowered onto his cock, taking the time you needed to adjust around him. You were still bruised and tender from his earlier assault on you. 

"Don't leave," John said from below you. 

You realized he was still insecure about you and how you saw him. He never seemed to care what anyone's opinion of him was, always with that swagger and confidence but here he was unraveling in front of you. You bent down and brushed his lips again, harder this time, needy. He met yours roughly with his, removing his fingers from the tangle of blankets and running them up your sides, pulling your shirt over your head and undoing your bra. His hands were on you immediately, kneading roughly. You let out a quick gasp at the pain it caused. That only made him push you from your perch and force himself on top of you, pinning you with his weight. You knew he wouldn't let you set the pace for long. 

"Easy," you reminded him. 

He inserted his cock abruptly, ignoring your warning and pushed into you until his hips touched yours. He pulled out slowly, giving you just a moment to relax before he thrust into you again sharply. You cried out as the pain resonated through your body. You felt him pull out again, slower and more deliberate this time. As soon as he had completely exited you, he forced himself back in just as hard as the last time. 

"John..." 

"Take it for me," he whispered into your ear as he bit hard at your earlobe, sending shivers through your body. 

He continued at this pace, biting your jawline and then down to your shoulder; all the while still fucking you at a merciless pace. 

You sucked in air quickly, trying to compose yourself. All you wanted to do was scream but you weren't sure if it was in pain or pleasure. Every muscle tensed in your body, signaling your release. You didn't try to fight it this time and it washed over you fiercely, bringing John's name from your throat. You couldn't see him in the dark but you knew he would be smiling at that. 

"Please, I can't take anymore," you told him breathlessly. You were more sensitive than you ever had been and the way he jabbed at you roughly was getting to be too much. 

John groaned above you as he buried his face into your hair, panting your name. Your words were his undoing; you felt the familiar warmth from him spill into you. As he relaxed, he stayed inside of you, whispering promises in your ear; promises that he could change for you.


	29. Chapter 29

You woke the next morning in John's bed to find his side empty. You glanced around the room and noticed his clothes from last night were gone and his closet door was open; he must be up already for the day. Getting dressed quickly, you made your way into the hall, assuming he was downstairs. 

"You know she'll go straight to the compound," you heard John say from his office. 

"I'm not keeping her here forever. We either let her go or kill her, those are the options." The voice on the other end of the radio was choppy but you recognized it as Jacob's immediately. 

Normally you would give John some privacy but when you heard the word "kill", you knew you couldn't pull yourself away. You stood just outside the office door that was half closed, trying your best to stay hidden. 

"Fuck, I know but..." John sighed. "If Joseph finds out we took her in the first place, then he'll be at my front door." 

"Alright, give me a day to think this through." 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," John said, ending the broadcast. 

You heard the sound of him slamming the radio down on the desk and then something being thrown. You decided you couldn't just let this go. He and Jacob had done something and you needed to know what. 

"What did you do?" you asked, pushing the door open. 

John sat at his desk with his head between his hands, raking at his hair. He pulled back when he heard you. 

"What did you do, John?" you asked him again. 

"It's nothing," he said as he pushed back from the desk and walked to you, holding his hands out to touch you. You backed away before he had a chance. 

"You promised me you would tell me everything." 

"Fuck, seriously?" he asked, anger raising to the surface. He finally sighed and dropped his hands. "We took Faith, to get information about where you were." 

"What? You took her? As in, kidnapping? John, where is she?" 

"It was necessary," he said sternly. His demeanor had changed so rapidly that it had surprised you. 

"Is she okay?" you asked, not sure if you really wanted the answer. 

"Yes, of course. Jacob has her at the center. She's tied up but she's in one piece." 

You paced back into the hall, your mind was a complete mess. You couldn't be truly upset... You'd still be in that hell hole if he and Jacob hadn't questioned her but she didn't deserve this. Any of this. 

"Did you hurt her?" you asked finally, stopping your pacing and turning to John. 

He didn't say anything but gave you a brief nod. Fuck. 

"You need to bring her here. You need to make this right," you told him. 

"You think she's going to come here? And even if she did, she'll leave and run to Joseph." 

"No, she won't. She's scared of him... I think. I don't know if he used bliss on her or what he did to make her so obedient but I know she has her doubts. You need to bring her here. I'll talk to her." 

"And if she doesn't listen to reason, then what, hmm?" John stared at you coldly. 

"I don't know but we'll worry about it then. If you won't get her, I will," you told him defiantly. You crossed the room and reached for the radio but John grabbed your wrist before you could call for Jacob. 

"Take your hands off of me," you said between your gritted teeth, keeping your eyes on his. 

He stared at you for a long minute before he released you, growling as he crossed across the room again. He placed both hands on the wall in front of him and leaned into it. 

"You have no fucking clue what he'll do, do you?" he said quietly. 

"Joseph?" 

"If he finds out you're here or that I have Faith, he'll be here in a second with every follower he has," he explained, releasing his hands from the wall but still staring at it.

"Let him," you said, not really sure what your plan was. 

John spun around on his heel, screaming at you this time, "He'll fucking take you from me again! Do you understand that? He'll punish me and he'll fucking take you. You're mine. I can't let that happen again... Never again." 

"Is this just a control thing with you John?" you yelled back at him. "Is that all I am? Just your play thing? Your fucking possession?" 

You headed for the door but he was there in a second, blocking your exit. His eyes were a ball of fire, piercing into you. You wanted to push him back, to run, but you held your composure. 

"Is that what you think this is?" he asked you angrily. 

"Tell me I'm wrong." 

"I fucking love you," he yelled before he lowered his voice again. "I'm not letting you go again." 

You stared at him wide eyed, in utter disbelief at his words. You never in a million years thought he would admit his weakness for you. You watched as his features smoothed and his anger disappeared. You reached a hand to his cheek, letting him lean into your touch. 

"We need to get her," you said again, hoping he would finally listen to you. 

John brought his hand to his face and placed it on top of yours. 

"Yes." 

\--- 

"I still can't believe he lives here," you said as you took in the Veteran's Center. 

John had radioed ahead to let Jacob know he was on his way to pick up Faith. He argued with you to stay put you insisted on going with him, reminding him you'd be safer with him. He finally agreed. Jacob met you at the door with Faith at his side. You gasped when you saw her - her hair was matted with sweat and her dress was stained with blood. You looked at John, knowing this was his doing but he kept his eyes ahead. 

"You escaped..." she said as her eyes met yours. They weren't full of light like they normally were. 

"Faith... You need to let us help you." 

She looked at John but then she nodded and followed you and John to the car. You chose to sit in the back with her and she seemed to appreciate the company. 

"Why aren't you angry with me?" she asked you in a tone barely louder than a whisper.

"I know you didn't have a choice. What I said to you in the cell... I wasn't trying to get in your head. You know he wants to replace you don't you?"

Faith turned to look out the window but you saw her nod before she did. 

\--- 

"The bathroom's in here," you told her, leading her into the room. 

You pointed at a pile of towels and handed her a clear pair of your clothing, knowing she was a different size but they would have to do for now. You had decided on a stretchy pair of leggings and a t-shirt. 

Faith closed the door behind you after she looked up and down the hall. She walked to you, grabbing at your forearms. 

"You have to leave... We both do," she whispered to you. "You don't know what they're like, not really." 

"I know about John and his... methods. He's trying Faith, he really is. I've seen a change in him." 

"It's not just John... It's all of them." 

"Well, I guess I'm learning what a maniac Joseph is. He comes across as so loving and calm. It really shook me but..." 

"No! All of them," she interrupted. "Jacob too. He trains those wolves... he calls them his Judges. They kill anyone who messes with the Project. His fighters are only there because they've killed the other followers and proven how strong they were. If he thinks they're weak, he either kills them outright or uses them as live target practice. Those prisoners... They're starving... he uses them as meat." 

"You're not serious..." 

She nodded frantically, still keeping her grasp on your arms. Her nails dug in a bit as she continued. 

"Joseph murdered his daughter when she just a day old. He's insane... They all are. I had no choice. I was just a child. I was seventeen..." she trailed off. 

You stood in silence, letting all of this sink in. It was a huge shock to you to find out about Joseph and then about John... but you had trusted Jacob more than the others. He seemed like he was genuine and protective of you. You looked at him as if he were a big brother but he was a monster. They all were. 

"Get cleaned up. I'll grab you something to eat and then we'll talk later tonight okay? John's agreed to help you escape... He'll send money for you but you can't come back here...ever." 

"And what about you?" she asked.

"I'll figure something out. You're more important right now. I may need you down the road to help me." 

"Okay," she agreed and asked you to help her out of her dress. 

When you pulled at the fabric on her shoulders, it hesitated and clung to her skin. You pulled a little harder, causing her to wince. The fabric finally fell, exposing two jagged gashes on her chest. You didn't need to ask her where they had come from.


	30. Chapter 30

"How do we get her out?" you asked, turning your attention to John. 

The three of you sat at the dining table after you had eaten and were hashing out some details on what needed to be done. John felt it was best for Faith to stay put until things blew over with Joseph but you reminded him that he would be pissed no matter when she resurfaced. 

"There's an exit that leads to the highway just west of here. My guys have it blocked but they'll let her through. You can take one of my trucks," he offered. You noticed Faith was still keeping her distance from John but seemed more at ease with you around. 

"Maybe I could just tell Joseph I had second thoughts and came back," Faith suggested. 

John snorted. "He'll punish you for leaving. And he wants you out of the picture anyhow, it's only a matter of time before he kills you." 

She sighed and fumbled with the hem of her shirt under the table. You reached over and took her hand, causing her to jump.

"I overheard his conversation with John at the church when I first got here. At the time I didn't know what it meant because he was saying something about his new Faith... I thought it was just something to do with the church but when I found out your name, it all made sense. When he had me on bliss, he told me he would love me and that I needed to push John aside. He promised to do whatever I needed... physically." 

You glanced over at John who had had gotten quiet. You hadn't gone over the details of everything that happened in the bunker with him so this was the first time he was hearing it. He didn't appear to be taking it well. 

"You said he mentioned the gates..." 

"He did. He said I was brought here to help him usher in a New Eden and that we would lead his flock together." 

"He said the same thing to me," she said quietly. 

"I have no reason to lie to you." You knew she had finally given up hope on him. "John's going to give you enough money to live on for awhile. If you need help, you just have to send word. But drive... as far away as you can. Start a new life and don't give him a second thought." 

Faith nodded. "Thank you, John." 

He pushed the corner of his mouth up the tiniest bit but didn't say anything. You all sat around the table for a moment, all deep within your own thoughts. 

"And here I thought you had both run off..." 

His voice sent a wave of fear through you immediately. None of you had heard him slip in but here he was, standing with his hands neatly clasped in front of him. John was to his feet in a second, pushing himself to the space between you and Joseph. 

"John, you lied to me. I can't begin to express how disappointed I am in you. And Faith, you've turned your back on me so easily. Have I not done enough for you?" 

Both you and Faith were now standing behind John. You could see her fidgeting at your side and prayed she wouldn't come unraveled right now. 

"You had to know I wasn't going to just let my Faiths slip through my fingers. You, John, of all people should know what it feels like to lose something that is yours. But tell me, was it Faith that broke her out or you?" Joseph asked, still as calm as ever. 

"It was me," John said confidently. 

"Hmm, that's interesting. Here I thought maybe I could get some God Damned respect from my brother.... My family!" he screamed as he pushed everything off the table. 

Faith jumped back, pushing herself further behind John. Joseph stopped and stared down at the broken dishes and silverware, his chest heaving. He held a hand up and turned slowly back to you. 

"Did she tell you that she had agreed to join me? To move to my compound? Did she tell you that we kissed?" his voice was calm again. "Or that she told me you were a monster? That she wanted nothing to do with you again?" 

You heard the front door open and a dozen people armed to the teeth piled in, surrounding you. John reached to his side but one of the Peggies came down hard on his shoulder with the butt of his gun, forcing John to his knees. Three of them held him forcefully, not allowing him to stand. Another two grabbed you and drug you next to him. One of them punched you hard in the side, knocking the air out of your lungs. They instructed you to kneel next to John. 

Joseph sauntered over to Faith who was now holding her hands up in front of her in surrender. He grabbed her wrists quickly and squeezed, causing her to scream out. 

"Joseph, please. John kidnapped me... he killed my men and he did this," she said, nodding down at her chest. "I would never abandon you." 

Joseph let go of one of her wrists and pulled down her t-shirt, exposing the inflamed wounds. You thought he was going to let her go but he grabbed suddenly for her throat, pushing her into a nearby wall. 

"You think I'm a fool don't you? You may not have left on your own but I heard your conversation earlier. You really think you can leave me? You're nothing but a lying whore who was sent here to tempt me. I should have seen it ages ago but you've clouded my judgement," he hissed as he tightened his grip on her neck. The whites of Faith's eyes started to turn red. "I'm going to right this wrong, finally, as I should have when you first came to me." 

You pulled and squirmed as hard as you could, trying to escape from the hold you were in. You screamed and pleaded to Joseph to stop but he continued until you watched the light leave Faith's eyes. He released his hands then, letting her body slip to the floor. 

The next couple minutes were a blur. You remember Joseph ordering his men to punish John for his defiance. One of them threw their gun into the side of his jaw before they let him fall to the floor. The other two took turns kicking him hard in the ribs and the back of the head. You screamed and tried desperately to go to him but you couldn't escape the grasp of the two men that held you. John watched you with dull eyes as he started to bleed from his mouth. You knew he couldn't take much more. 

"Take me! Joseph, I'll go with you just stop this!" you shrieked at him. 

He held a hand up and his followers stopped, pushing up to their feet. Joseph bent down to run a hand over your face and then down your neck and chest, stopping between your breasts. He turned and smiled at his brother. 

"I'll take good care of her, John." 

And with that, you were dragged out of the house and into a waiting car. All the while, John screamed wildly behind you.


	31. Chapter 31

You sat in the back of the car with a Peggie on either side. One drove the car and Joseph was in the passenger seat, glancing back at you in the rear view mirror every thirty seconds or so. 

"We're almost there," he assured you though you hadn't asked. 

You hadn't spoken since they dragged you from your home and into the car. You mind kept replaying images of Faith's lifeless eyes and John's bloody face. You prayed he was okay. You watched the chain link fence on either side of the road and knew they were taking you to the church. You hadn't really thought about where Joseph lived before but it made sense for him to be close by. When the church was within your sights, the car came to a rolling stop and you were dragged from the car by the man on your left. He warned you that if you ran, he would put a bullet in your head. You wouldn't have anyway, not with all these people around. 

"Please, come inside," Joseph said as if he was welcoming you into his home. 

What a sick fuck, you thought as you followed behind him. You entered the church and pushed through a small door to the right which led to a staircase.

"I can take her from here," Joseph said as he turned to the grunts. "But please stay nearby." 

You knew that warning was for you. As he took your hand and walked to the top of the stairs, you remained silent. You knew that was probably bothering him but you didn't trust yourself to open your mouth. 

At the top of the stairs was a small room with peaked wooden ceilings. In the corner was a small wooden desk, covered with papers and white books that looked like bibles. The other corner had a double bed and a side table. 

"Why did you run from me?" Joseph asked after he led you to the bed and pulled you down to sit next to him. 

"I didn't have a choice," you said, half telling the truth. 

"Ah, yes. So John did rescue you. It seems your feelings changed quickly from when I saw you last." 

Joseph reached out and traced the bruises and welts on your neck and collar bone. He pulled down your shirt slightly to find more above your breasts. 

"I can't help myself. Everytime I'm around him... I know I shouldn't indulge but he has such a hold on me." It was actually the truth and Joseph knew as much. 

"Temptation is a great thing. My brother is charming and handsome... I can see why that may sway you. But there is nothing truly better than being with someone who loves you fully, mind and body. Someone who isn't just using you for lustful purposes," he explained as he stroked your hand. You supposed he was referring to himself. You choked back a laugh. 

"Joseph, what you did to Faith..." 

"Was part of God's plan." 

You tried reasoning with him, "She was going to leave." 

"She would have returned. She always does. And she would have stood in our way." 

He reached over and held a palm to the back of your head, bringing his mouth to yours gently. You didn't pull back.. you knew it was better this way. At least until you could plan your escape. 

Joseph moaned softly into your lips, pushing his tongue to you, waiting to see if you would accept it. You parted your lips and let him in, swirling your tongue with his. 

He pulled back and kissed your cheek lightly, whispering "You are so beautiful." 

You felt his other hand lift from the bed and run up your hip. He took his time and inched up slowly until his fingertips brushed against your breast. His kiss became harder then, more needful. You tried your best to stay still but when he finally cupped you and kneaded at your skin, you knew you couldn't go along with this anymore. You refused to sleep with him just to save your own skin. 

"Joseph, I need some time..." you explained as you lowered his hand from your chest. 

He looked at you with disappointment at first but then he gave you a small smile. 

"Of course, I'm sorry. I know this is still very new. I'll give you all the time you need."

He stood and paced in front of the small barred window to the side of the bed. Finally, he clapped his hands together once and turned to you with peaked fingers. 

"I have something so need to attend to. Please make yourself comfortable. My men are downstairs if you need anything," he told you. Another veiled warning. 

After he left, you ran to the window and tried at the bars - they didn't budge. You searched the room for something to help loosen the thick screws but again, you came back empty handed. There was nothing under the bed, nothing in the side table. The only thing in the room other than the bed was a pile of sermons he must have been working on. You wanted desperately to rip them to shreds. 

You crept to the door and peeked down the stairs, deciding to scope out the perimeter. You thought maybe you could sneak by the guards. At the sound of the creaky door, the Peggie at the bottom of the stairs peered back up at you. You closed the door quickly and threw yourself to the bed, screaming into the pillows. 

As much as you racked your brain, you couldn't find a way of getting out of this. The only thing that was certain was that you had to kill Joseph. You didn't know if you could find the strength to do it but as John would say... It's necessary. 

\---

John laid at the bottom of his stairs, pulling himself up to rest on one. He was sure he had a few broken ribs and possibly some internal bleeding. The back of his head was pounding but he didn't feel any bleeding. He tried taking a deep breath but his chest wouldn't expand, causing him to cough up more blood. 

John couldn't believe how stupid he was. He should have had extra security the second he brought you home. He should have warned his men to kill Joseph on sight. You were gone again and it was his fault. He was supposed to protect you. The only thing he could think of was the way Joseph had placed his hand on your chest and the promising look he had in his eye. John knew without a shadow of a doubt that if Joseph hurt you in any way, he would kill him and he would make it as painful as possible. He smiled a bit at the thought of peeling the scarred flesh from his brother's broken body.


	32. Chapter 32

"I brought some clothes for you and a few other items you may need," Joseph said when he returned to your room. 

He set everything down in a pile on the side table. There were a couple pairs of jeans, t-shirts, toothbrush and tooth paste and a hair brush. At the bottom of the pile was a familiar white lace dress, adorned with pale pink flowers. 

"We have service in the morning. Let me know what size shoes you need and and I'll see what I can find for you."

"Thank you," you said looking at the pile. "I'm sorry I'm not being more... cooperative. What I said in the bunker though, about having feelings for you... I was being truthful." You were determined to gain his trust. You needed to if you were ever going to leave this church. 

Joseph smiled and sat next to you. He reached over and stroked your hair gently before he kissed you again. His lips were so soft and he seemed so giving in the way he kissed; if you weren't with John and Joseph wasn't a complete lunatic, you may have actually enjoyed it. 

"You are going to be my downfall," he said against your lips. "I want to give you the world." 

You groaned internally but didn't pull back, letting your tongue explore his. You decided you really needed to ramp this up and put your acting skills to good use, as bad as they may be. You brought your left hand up to his neck, caressing it softly before you wrapped it around the back of his head and pulled him closer to you. You rested your other hand on his lap, just inches from the top of his thigh. You let out a moan, sucking on his bottom lip. 

You must have been somewhat convincing because he reached his hands out and up your sides, finger tips grazing yours breasts. You knew if you pulled away again, it would look suspicious so you forced yourself to go somewhere else mentally while he groped you. His hands were as gentle as his lips, you noticed. That wasn't something you had expected. 

"Joseph, isn't this wrong?" you asked innocently. 

He pulled away, watching your face with concern. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just can't seem to stay away from you." 

"I feel the same way," you confessed, bringing your eyes to the floor. You forced a look of shame on your face. "I have to admit that I'm not really familiar with the Project. I'm worried I'll do something wrong. I mean... I already have but I want to do better." 

"That's what matters. We've all sinned but we need to atone for them." 

"Does that mean I'll have to see John?" 

"No," he said sharply before he composed himself. "I'll hear your confession myself."

"Okay, thank you. I just think I need to stay away from him for awhile." 

"Yes, I agree. I'll hear your confession tomorrow after our service. We should get some sleep though, it's getting late," he informed you and he sifted through your pile of clothes and pulled out a loose fitting nightshirt. 

He handed it to you and turned around to give you some privacy to change. You weren't sure why he just wasn't leaving but when he started to strip down himself, you had the horrible realization that he was going to stay with you. You dressed quickly and tucked yourself under the blankets chosing the side closest to the door in case you had an opportunity to run. When you finally looked back up, Joseph was standing on the side of the bed in nothing but his boxers. Your eyes scanned over his tattoos and scars, some of them were similar to John's. 

"Move in please," he asked, motioning for you to take the spot next to the wall. 

You scooted in as he turned off the light and laid down, crawling under the same blanket. He turned to face you, lifting a hand to caress your cheek. 

"Good night Faith," he said as he leaned in to kiss you again. 

You ended the kiss quickly and wished him goodnight, rolling over to face away from him. The space you so desperately craved was denied to you when he curled up behind you with his cheek on your shoulder and his arm wrapped around your waist. 

\---

Needless to say, you didn't get much sleep. When Joseph finally rolled away from you in his sleep, you managed to drift off for awhile but your dreams were nothing but distorted messes of your life. They caused you to wake frequently. By morning, you were more tired than you ever remembered being but Joseph had you up early to show you where you could wash up and get ready for his sermon. He hovered nonstop, only leaving to find you some suitable shoes for your dress. 

Every time he would enter the room, he would give you some form of affection - either brushing his fingers down your back or kissing you quickly. It always sent a wave of disgust through you. You could only imagine what John would do if he could see you now. 

"You look exquisite," Joseph said when you gave him the okay and he spun around to see you in your new dress. 

"Thank you, Joseph." 

"The service is about to start, we should head downstairs now." 

You nodded and followed him downstairs. Most of the congregation was already in the church, including Jacob. You wondered if Joseph decided to appear late just so he could have a grand entrance with his new Faith. 

When you both walked into the church, every voice hushed and all attention was on you. Joseph made a point of holding your hand as he walked you to Jacob, allowing you to sit beside him. 

"You've met Jacob before," Joseph said as you approached. 

"Yes, at the last service I believe. It's been awhile," you said, trying not to stress the part at the end. Jacob picked up on it quickly. 

"Have a seat," he said as he waved a hand next to him. 

You smiled and sat quietly. Joseph took his leave and stood in front of the church. You waited for him to turn his attention elsewhere so you could talk to Jacob but even during the sermon, he kept his eyes on you. Every second that went by was torture... you knew Jacob might help if he knew what had happened but how were you supposed to tell him? And on top of all that, you wanted desperately to confront him about what Faith had told you about him. You were having such a difficult time allowing yourself to believe it but you knew in your heart that you were in denial. 

At the end of the service, Joseph went to you Immediately. You weren't sure if he was that paranoid about you planning an escape or if he was just that needy. As he walked you out of the church to socialize with the other churchgoers, you turned your head to Jacob and mouthed the words "check on John." You prayed he was able to read your lips but Joseph pulled you along before you were able to get confirmation from his brother.


	33. Chapter 33

Jacob was in shock when he saw you enter the church in Faith's dress but he knew all too well what that meant. He also knew he had to play stupid so Joseph wouldn't suspect his involvement in your escape, both for his sake and for yours. He knew you would never go with Joseph willingly and when you told him to go to John, he knew he had to hurry. 

When he arrived at the ranch, the front door was open ajar but John didn't answer when he poked his head in. Jacob searched upstairs first, knowing his brother's rooms were up there. There was no sign of John anywhere. Downstairs, he searched a couple rooms but didn't see anything until he got to the dining room. The place was trashed, with broken glass everywhere. He surveyed the site until he saw a pair of feet poking out behind the table. He peeked over the top to see Faith, colourless and eyes still open. 

"Fuck," Jacob muttered as he called out again for John. He heard someone from one of the guest rooms. "Jesus, what the hell happened?" 

"Our brother isn't so happy with me at the moment," John told him, trying to sit up from the bed. "He has her... That fucking..." 

He stopped as he started coughing again. The blood was only coming out in specks now. 

"You're in bad shape. We need to get you cleaned up and wrap up those ribs." 

"Jake, you need to get her..." 

"After. She's okay, I saw her this morning. She told me to check on you." 

"You talked to her?" John asked. "What else did she say? Did he hurt her?"

Jacob held up his hands to silence John. He continued, "Joseph was up her ass the entire time... he's got that damn lace dress on her already. I couldn't talk to her but she mouthed the words to check on you when he pulled her away." 

"Faith's in the dining room..." 

"I saw," Jacob said, assuring him he would clean it up. "First, let's get you fed and cleaned up. There's not a lot we can do but you need to take it easy." 

John agreed but only after he told Jacob at least a half a dozen times that he needed to help you. Finally Jacob told him that he would smuggle you in a weapon at the next service. Though John was upset, he knew that's all his brother could do at the moment. 

\---

"Shall we start your confession?" Joseph asked after you had both returned to your room. He hadn't allowed you to remove the dress yet but insisted you sit on the bed. He had pulled a chair over to sit in front of you. 

"Yes. I've never done one before... You'll have to walk me through it maybe?" 

"Of course. Normally I would ask about which sins you think you've commited. As much as I know about you, I know you haven't sinned greatly. You've never killed anyone." 

"No." 

"Do you feel you're a jealous person? Prideful maybe?" 

"Jealous perhaps but not prideful," you answered. 

"Okay, that's a start. Have you been envious lately?" he asked, placing his hands on your thighs as he leaned over. 

"Yes," you said, hoping that was enough but Joseph stayed quiet so you assumed he wanted the details too. "One of your followers... her name is Holly. Do you know who I mean?" 

"Yes, she's a lovely girl and was one of the first to join the Project. You're envious of her?" 

"Yes. Well, maybe not of her specifically but of what she had with John... before."

Joseph's expression changed slightly to something you couldn't quite place... smug, maybe. He seemed happy when he found out you knew about his brothers ex-lover.

"Ahh, yes. My brother can be... let's just say that he gives into his lust much quicker than most people. He never told me about her but it was apparent; he could never keep his eyes off of her." 

You felt the familiar sting of jealousy tear through you at his words. You were sure he was using this as a way of turning you further from John but as much as you reasoned with yourself, you still felt that hot glow in your chest. 

Joseph went through some of the other sins with you, diving into your past and how you had a strained relationship with your family. He made you devuldge every detail of the anger you held for them and for other people who had wronged you. He even had you admit your resentment towards him after he kidnapped you. You of course added in "I was resentful at the time" so he would know there were no hard feelings. 

"Can I tell you what I think you're biggest sin is?" he asked finally, when he didn't get much else out of you. "I think you're lustful. You turn to John, not for affection because we both know he's not capable of that, but for a release. And you're addicted to it. You run to him time and time again even though you know what he's done and it's simply because he tempts your lust." 

"You might be right..." 

"Have you been with many men?" he asked. 

You wanted to tell him it was none of his fucking business but bit your tongue and offered him the information he wanted. "Three, including John." 

"Tell me about the first," Joseph demanded as he sat back in his chair finally. 

"There's not much to tell really... He was one of my best friends in high school. We did everything together and everyone told us we would end up getting married but it never went anywhere. My friends and I skipped our senior prom and went to a friend's family cabin a couple hours away. You know how it is... drinking.. a lot of drinking. I don't know how it happened but we ended up making out on this piano bench downstairs for like an hour and then finally we went to bed and it just happened. I don't really remember it and I'm sure he doesn't either. Neither of us ever talked about it after that."

"You're still friends?" he asked.

"No. I started dating this guy finally cause we were never really a thing, or so I thought. He ended up getting pissed and we stopped talking." 

"And this next guy?"

"He was number two for me. We waited almost a year before we did anything, even though I was madly in love with him. I was just so scared to lose him. We were together for a really long time but then he cheated on me... You know, what old chestnut," you sighed. 

"How long before John?" 

"A couple years. I really never thought I would be with anyone like that again. I was so angry at my ex that I shut down the idea of dating or anything that may come after." 

"I'm glad you're opening your heart once again. Not all men are cheaters, as much as the rumours would have you believe," he said in a weird way of comforting you. "Can we talk about John?" 

"Is that necessary?" you asked, hoping he would take mercy on you. 

"It's part of your confession, so yes." 

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult, it's just a bit embarassing with you being his brother." 

"I know, but I'm not here to judge you," Joseph assured you as he set his hands back on your legs, running a thumb under the hem of your dress. "When did it start?" 

"Uhh, probably less than a week after I arrived." 

Joseph's eyebrows shot up. He looked like he wanted to scold you but you watched him take a deep breath and he seemed to calm down. "How many times?" 

"I'm not sure," you said truthfully. You decided to dig the knife in a little deeper. He seemed visably upset at your first answer. "Sometimes we were together intimately just once a day but most days, it was just nonstop."

You watched gleefully as he pulled back and clenched his fists into his jeans. You knew he couldn't say much, this was your confession and he was the one who asked you for it. 

"He's hurt you though..." 

"Yes, he would have me submit. It was never anything too extreme - biting, spanking, he'd tie me up or force me to do things - but he was always in control." 

"That sounds like him. You're lucky he didn't do anything more than that. John's incapable of holding back." 

"I suppose you're right. But truthfully, I would have let him." 

Joseph had a dark look on his face then. "You don't need him to do those things anymore. All you need to do is tell me what you want." 

Uh oh... you knew you were on thin ice right now and wouldn't be able to hold him off forever, especially with you both sleeping in the same bed. 

"You know what I want Joseph but we can't... I'm confessing to all of this to clear my sins. I can't have another one on my conscience." 

"This is God's plan... you being in Montana, the accident, you and I together... it's not sin. It's meant to happen. I've seen you in a vision with our child," he said quietly as he pushed his hands back to your thighs.

Your mind raced wildly; this guy was clearly insane if he thought you were going to have his child. You tried desperately to find an excuse to put him off, even for a few days until you could devise some sort of escape plan. Finally it came to you. 

"You did?" you asked him, forcing your eyes to water. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes, what is it? What's wrong?" 

"I just... After my ex, I just never thought I'd have children. I.. I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in." Lies, all lies...

Joseph removed his hands from your thighs and pushed you back to the bed as he settled between your thighs. He tried to bring his lips to yours but you pivoted your head out of his reach and pushed up on his chest. You just couldn't fake this anymore, at least not today. 

"Joseph, I can't... the last time I saw John, he was so forceful with me. I think I need some time to heal," you told him which was actually the truth. John had fucked you so hard you thought your insides were being torn apart at one point. 

"Never again," he said as he pushed off of you and laid in bed next to you, holding you in his arms. He covered your shoulder and neck with kisses, comforting you against the evils of his brother.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning - this chapter contains attempted rape and graphic violence/death.
> 
> I'm getting ready to wrap up this story I think... as much as I've enjoyed it, I miss writing about Jacob. Thanks to everyone who has stayed with me through the story!! You guys are all amazing!! I enjoy waking up to see the new comments everyday... Just makes my morning!

The next few days were torture on you; Joseph would leave most of the day and then come back at night to continue your confessions and cuddle with you before bed. You were so tired from not sleeping that your head was constantly pounding. It was a struggle to fake your way through your interactions with Joseph but he still seemed appeased by them. 

"Should I wear the same dress tomorrow?" you asked him as you both laid in bed. His arms were both draped over you, pulling you tightly to him. 

"Yes, please. It looks so beautiful on you," he told you, kissing your forehead. 

You had been so surprised with how gentle he had been to you the past few days. He hadn't pressured you again and seemed happy just to have you in his arms. It was such a drastic change from when he was strangling Faith. 

"Will I be sitting with Jacob again?" 

"Is that okay?" 

"Yes, it's fine. I just... I don't know if he likes me. I know we've only met a couple times but he doesn't seem to want to talk to me," you told him innocently. If only he knew. 

"Jacob is a man of few words but he's accepted you as his sister. Tomorrow, try to open up to him a bit maybe? He has a tough exterior but he's a good person." 

You nodded. Oh yes... You'd be taking that suggestion. Thanks Joseph. 

\--- 

Joseph had decided to stand in his usual spot, greeting the followers as they piled in the church. He introduced you to each of them as "his Faith" and they all went along with it, apparently having gone through this before. When Jacob showed up, Joseph asked if he would escort you to your seat. You gave him a nervous smile but followed behind Jacob. When you were both seated in the pew, you turned behind you to see Joseph watching you. 

"Don't act too friendly," you told Jacob, turning back to him. 

"John's okay," Jacob said, not looking at you. He leaned back in the pew and crossed his arms. "He wants to come in here guns blazing." 

"You can't let him. I need to get out of here myself." 

You squeezed his leg and shook your head the tiniest bit, signaling him to stop talking. You knew it would look suspicious if you were both having a grande ole chat. You rubbed your arms nervously and forced yourself to glance around as if you were uncomfortable. As you looked over your shoulder at Joseph, you mouthed the word "help". He smiled back at you sympathetically and held out a finger to let you know he was almost done. 

"What do I do?" you whispered back to Jacob when you turned back. 

"I'm not feeling you up," Jacob said as you felt his hand push under your dress and then suddenly something cold pressed against you, pushing under your panties. "Don't drop it." 

He nodded behind you as Joseph made his way in front of the church. You zoned out and pretended to listen like you always did. If anyone were to ask you what he had preached about, you'd never be able to answer them. 

You wanted to reach down your side so badly, to see what Jacob had left you but you resisted he urge. During the sermon, Joseph looked at you often but he didn't watch you like he did the last service. That was definitely a good sign. When he was done speaking, he came to see you and Jacob. 

"You look tired," he said as he out his hand under your chin, examining your face. 

"I haven't been sleeping well. I'm sorry." 

"That's nothing to apologize for. I have to leave for the day to go north with Jacob, get some sleep while I'm gone." He kissed the top of your head. 

"Okay, be careful," you said, smiling up at him. "Nice to see you again Jacob." 

"Same," he said quickly. 

\--- 

When you got upstairs, you undressed, eager to see what Jacob had left. It was a pocket knife. 

You flipped it open to see a small three inch blade. It was surprisingly sharp. You smiled like you hadn't for the past week... yes, this would do. You opened the door as quietly as you could but the grunt at the bottom poked his head back up again. You didn't care about him anyhow, you were checking for Joseph. When you didn't see any sign of him, you ran to the window and tried at the screws with the tip of the knife. Sadly, it wasn't wide enough to loosen them. Even if it had been, you would have had one hell of a time getting out of that window without alerting anyone. 

You tucked the knife under your side of the bed, laying down on top of it to see if you could reach it without pulling the mattress up. At first your fingers wouldn't even touch it so you pulled it out a bit. Laying back in bed, your body finally giving in and allowed you to have the best sleep you had had in a long time. 

\---

When you woke up, the room had grown dark. You instinctively reached down to make sure the knife was still there, letting out a breath when it was. You sat up and walked to the window, watching the followers below as they made their rounds. For the past weeks you had been watching them for any patterns. You knew that there were normally two guards at the bottom of the staircase but after Joseph arrived, one of them left. The Peggies in the compound thinned out a bit later at night; you assumed most of them were sleeping. That gave you a couple hour window after Joseph arrived to escape. You knew you would have to do whatever was necessary to get out - Jacob knew that too when he gave you a weapon. You weren't sure if he planned for you to kill Joseph or if he wanted you to use it on one of the guards. Either way, you knew once you finally got out of here, you'd have to leave the county as quickly as possible and pray that John would come with you. 

"Did you sleep?" Joseph asked from the doorway. 

"I did. I actually just woke up."

"You must feel refreshed," he said as he took your face in his hands and moved it from side to side. "Yes, your dark circles are gone now." 

Joseph kept his hands on your face and bent to kiss you. You let him for a minute before you pulled away. You weren't sure why but you just couldn't force yourself to do this anymore. Joseph looked at you with a concerned look. 

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's nothing, I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling the best." 

"Are you sure that's all?" he asked as his expression changed to one of anger. 

You reached out, trying to touch his arm to reassure him but he grabbed your wrist and held your arm out. His fingers dug into your skin roughly, causing you to try to wriggle out of his grasp but he wouldn't let go. 

"Have you been amusing me this whole time?"

"I don't know what you mean, Joseph." 

"With this facade you're putting on... with Jacob," he snapped. "I had cameras in the bunker, I know he was the one that took you away from me and then you stand there and lie to me!" 

Joseph was screaming now. His fingernails scratching at your wrist as he shook your arm. You knew you couldn't lie your way out of this. Your mind raced on what to do but your only defense was tucked away under the mattress six feet away. You couldn't get out of his grasp long enough to lunge for it. 

"So did you have some time today to plan your next escape with him?" 

"No, he barely talked to me." 

"And yet, he saved you before... Strange hmm? I'll be moving you out of here in the morning before he's able to sweep you out of here." 

"I swear to you... He's not coming to save me. He only told me that John was still hurt," you tried to lie to him but then you realized that you shouldn't have even mentioned his name. 

Joseph let go of your wrists and pushed you to the bed, flinging himself on top of you and holding you down with his weight. 

"You're still hung up on him after everything?! John has a hold on you and I can see now that's it's because of your lust. Maybe that's the only thing you'll listen to," he spat as he held your arms down and pushed himself between your legs. "John won't be the only one you submit to." 

Panic coursed through you, causing you to lash out with everything you had. You bucked your hips and thrashed your arms as hard as you could, trying to fight back. Joseph let go of one of your hands and hit you hard in the jaw with the other. Your head bounced off the mattress below. Before you were able to shake it off, he had his hand around your neck, squeezing off your air. As you gasped, you felt his other hand grab at your waistband, pulling it down slightly. You moved your legs against him, trying to stunt his movements but it only caused him to squeeze at your throat harder. You stared up at him, trying to remain calm but black spots started clouding your vision. You knew you would never be able to push him off before you ended up passing out. 

Joseph's hand left your throat long enough for him to reach down for his fly. You knew this was your only opportunity; using all of the strength you had left, you ran your hand along the mattress and over the edge, feeling the cold steel you desperately needed. You flipped the blade out of his view but kept your hand over the edge of the mattress. 

"I've been wrong about you this whole time... You're not meant to be my Faith. You're nothing but a whore. You've probably had both of my brothers haven't you?" 

When you didn't answer him he removed his grip on your wrist again and used both if his hands to pull your pants down quickly. When you glanced down, you noticed he was fully erect. You knew you had no choice, even if you had changed your mind about killing him today... no one was going to save you this time. 

As Joseph took a moment to look you over, you pulled your hand from behind the mattress and pushed the blade into the side of his neck with every ounce of your strength. His eyes went wide with surprise when the blade connected, spraying blood on the nearby wall and down on your face when you brought the blade back out. He fell back to the mattress, holding his neck with both hands. You watched as he tried to speak; only gurgling noises escaped his lips. You knew you could probably walk away and he would end up dying anyhow but all of the fear and anger you had been dealing with the past few weeks built up and built up. The more you looked down at Joseph's face, the more you realized what you needed to do. You grabbed the knife that had fallen to the bed next to you and plunged it into Joseph's neck again... and again. After a minute, his gurgling stopped and his eyes dimmed but you continued your assault until you were exhausted and finally leaned back to take in a breath. 

"Fucking asshole," you said as you spit on his body, pushing up from the mattress. 

You glanced down at your hands and clothing, deciding you'd need to clean up before you went downstairs to make your escape.


	35. Chapter 35

Everytime you looked at Joseph's body, you expected to feel something, anything, but all you felt was satisfaction. You didn't know if that made you a bad person and truthfully, you didn't care. 

You swept the room with your eyes, ensuring all the blood had been cleaned up. You had changed your clothes and with the spare clothing you had, you scrubbed down the walls and cleaned Joseph up as best you could. The white sheets of the bed were soaked with blood but after you put Joseph's shirt back on him and pulled the blanket up around him, it wasn't noticeable unless you were close up. There weren't any mirrors in your room so you used the window to help you wipe yourself clean. When you were finally satisfied with your progress, you watched out your window until most of the Peggies had gone back inside. There were two at the main gate, three standing at the far end chatting and another wandering around. You knew you'd be able to sneak by them. To the left of the compound, there was a small boat. You wouldn't be able to get through the gates and even if you did, the road into the compound was long... someone would see you. 

Taking a deep breath and flipping the blade of Jacob's knife out again, you opened the door to your room frantically, screaming for help. The guard below just looked up at you, presumably thinking you were wanting his help against Joseph. 

"The Father! Please... he's not breathing!" you screamed.

This time, the guard ran up the stairs right away, pushing you into the room and then stopping when he noticed Joseph in your bed. His skin was pale and lifeless. The guard glanced back at you in shock, not moving. 

"Do CPR! Please! Just save him!" you screamed. 

When he turned his back to you finally to run over to the bed, you pulled your knife out and sliced at his throat from behind. You weren't sure if you cut in deep enough so you drew the knife again and plunged it into his jugular. He collapsed immediately to the floor, holding his throat. You decided it wasn't worth finishing him off but you grabbed his radio and pistol. Closing the door, you tiptoed down the stairs, looking around the corner to ensure no one else was there. Thankfully, it was empty. 

Outside, the wandering Peggie was standing just outside the church door. You watched through the crack on the door for the longest time before she turned to join the others conversing outside a white square building in the corner of the compound. Slowly, you pushed the church door open, sweeping your vision in front and behind you. When you were confident the coast was clear, you ran for the boat at full speed. You didn't have a clue how to drive a boat but you figured it would be too loud anyway so you picked up the emergency paddles instead. Slowly, the boat pushed you away from the compound and to your freedom. You wondered how long it would be until someone found Joseph. 

\--- 

You watched the boat float away after you pushed it back in the water; you knew you had to cover your tracks. Quickly, you grabbed up the radio and tucked the gun in your back pocket before you ran through the trees. You searched the horizon for John's sign, praying you were in Holland Valley. Even if you were in the mountains, you could probably talk your way out of getting killed and knew you'd be taken to Jacob but you weren't sure how he would react when he found out what happened. 

Branches whipped at you as you ran through the forest, trying your best not to get turned around. You weren't sure how much farther you could go; your lungs were on fire. You decided you needed to take a second to catch your breath and bent over your knees, breathing deeply. You looked down at your radio, debating whether you should try to reach John. On one hand, someone from Joseph's compound may hear you. And besides that... You had no clue where you were for him to pick you up. 

After the fire in your lungs had finally died, you trudged onward until you came to a clearing. Up ahead, there was what looked like a farm of some sort, maybe pumpkin. The place was surrounded with people but you recognized some of the symbols on their jackets and knew you had to take your chances. When you approached, you were quickly surrounded by three of them. One took the gun from your back pocket while the other took your radio. The third kept his gun level with your forehead. 

"Resistance?" he asked gruffly. 

"I don't know what that means..." 

"Yeah, sure." You felt another gun at the back of your head. 

"You need to radio John for me. I'm his girlfriend," you tried explaining. 

"John Seed?" 

You nodded. The Peggie in front of you laughed loudly, lowering the gun a bit in the process. "Yeah, sure thing sweetheart." 

"Oh for fuck's sake... just radio him. He'll know my voice," you said a little bossier than you had hoped. "He's going to be pissed if you kill me." 

The Peggie looked behind you, looking to his companions for their input. One of them told him if nothing else, John would be amused. They all agreed and one of them flicked through the radio channels quickly before hitting the call button. 

"John? I hate to bother you but it's important. Pick up." 

Silence. The Peggie tried a couple more times before you finally heard his voice on the other line. Tears welled up in your eyes. 

"I'm rather busy, what is it?" John snapped at him. 

"Uh, well actually.. it's nothing. I'm sorry to..." 

"John!" you screamed, interrupting the verbal diarrhea of the guy holding the radio. 

"Oh my God, is that really you?" 

You snatched the radio and looked around the group as they all dropped their guns and stared in shock. 

"It's me. I need to get to you but I don't know where I am... some pumpkin farm."

"I know where you are. Get one of my people to drive you to the ranch. Are they close by?" 

"Yes, they're here. They said they'll drive me," you told him as the Peggies all nodded their heads. 

"Tell them if you show up at my door with even a hair out of place, I'll have them strung up from my balcony." 

"Got it. See you soon." You let the broadcast drop and turned to your driver, smiling smugly.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, another story has come to end. Thanks to everyone for your comments and kudos!! Hopefully you'll check out my other work :)

When you arrived at the ranch, the Peggie who drove you apologized again and left you at the door. Before you had a chance to take a step, it opened immediately as John stepped out, letting you run to his arms. 

"I never thought I'd see you again," you cried into his neck, holding him tightly. 

He winced a bit. You pulled back and looked him over. You noticed his posture wasn't as straight as it normally was and that he still had some bruising on his face. You pulled a hand up to trace them. 

"Are you okay?" you asked, feeling terrible that you had hurt him. 

"I'm fine.." he assured you as he ran a hand over your face. "What happened?" 

"I may have to leave... Well, I definitely have to leave but if they show up here, I'll have to run " 

"Okay, take a breath. Let's get inside." 

You helped John to the couch and eased him back into the cushions. You knew he was so much worse than he was letting on but every time you asked, he brushed it off. His hands were always on you, desperate to hold on to you for good this time. 

"I killed him," you said abruptly. You weren't sure how else to tell him and you just needed to say it. You knew he was going to be furious but he had to hear it from you. 

"I know. You wouldn't be here if you hadn't." 

"I'm so sorry, John. I didn't want to... I did, but then I decided I couldn't do that to you. I was just going to try to sneak out when he went to sleep but then he tried to..." you started to cry then. 

"Tried to what?" John asked you, leaning towards you and bringing your face back to his. His eyes were fire again. "What did he do?" 

"I can't..." 

"I need to know." 

You brushed away at your tears, "He said he had a vision of me with his child. He tried to force himself on me. He was so close... if Jacob hadn't given me..." 

John nodded and pulled you to him, wrapping you in his arms. He ran his fingers through your hair and down your back as he kissed the top of your head. 

"My brave girl," he whispered. 

You pushed back slightly out of his arms, careful not to hurt him. "They'll find out soon." 

"Pack your bag," he told you as he struggled to stand. "You'll have to help me with mine."

You weren't sure what he had planned but you didn't hesitate. You left him and ran to your room, throwing everything you owned into the backpack John had given you to replace your stolen one. When he told you where his duffle bag was, you made your way upstairs and threw some of his clothes into it along with some toiletries. You glanced around his room, looking for anything else he might want. You finally decided to grab the book of short stories from his office that he had told you was his favorite. Finally satisfied with your bagful, you joined him again downstairs. 

"In the car," he said without another explanation. 

He reached a hand out to you as you supported his weight and headed outside to his SUV. You threw the bags in the back and helped him to the driver's seat before sitting next to him. 

"Where are we going?" you asked finally, staring down at his fingers that were now looped through yours. 

"To start our new life," he said with that smile you loved so much.

You leaned into him as he pulled out of the driveway and down the road, enable to keep the smile from your face.


End file.
